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Married to a depressed person

42 replies

Quadrilingual · 19/09/2021 09:42

What are people's experiences being married to someone with long term depression? While I have been with my DH he has had severe depression on and off for most of the marriage. When he is like that he struggles to deal with the lows of life such as getting a parking ticket/house sale falling through etc. He tends to blame me for the reason of his unhappiness and he eats as his addiction/coping mechanism. He has never been violent or anything but it's just this horrible person he becomes: uncaring and selfish and will point blame. He will also say that he doesn't see the point of life and wishes he was dead regularly when in this start. The thing is he has tried anti depressants which didn't help too much and he has seen various counsellors which also hasn't seemed to change much. I believe that he isn't taking it seriously enough with doing the techniques and homework they set. I only see a life with him where he is depressed on and off forever. I am learning to cope with it better but it is still very upsetting when he is pushing me away with his words/ blaming me/ wishing he was dead. He fails to see how this can be hurtful to me and as I understand it, the depression makes him a different person completely. When he is exercising regularly and eating well he is fine for months on end but it is when he stops exercising that the depression starts up again. He is a lovely DH when not depressed and we are happily married but this is never the whole story. Although I want to have children with him I worry that bringing up children with a man who is on off depressed is not a good idea. Please share your stories and advice.

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 24/09/2021 22:25

I honestly couldn’t live this.

Make of this what you will but I find this sort of depression extremely selfish and self indulgent.

sandgrown · 24/09/2021 22:28

@RagzReturnsRebooted your OH sounds like my ex . I did everything and took the blame for everything! I do believe it can be hereditary. DP has 5 children ( 2 mothers) and I would say three of them , my son included ,would be prone to depression. At least now we are away from him my son is not living in the awful atmosphere. It’s a shame as when he was on form he was funny and good company but I couldn’t take any more! X

RagzReturnsRebooted · 24/09/2021 23:30

@hamstersarse

I honestly couldn’t live this.

Make of this what you will but I find this sort of depression extremely selfish and self indulgent.

To be honest, it's getting to the point where I'm feeling that. DH used to say he didn't believe in depression. Or PMS! That we were all in charge of our own brains. Now I feel he's almost relishing the excuse to opt out of life. He's always had lazy tenancies and I feel guilty for resenting the fact his illness means he gets to do fuck all and I can't complain. He's miserable, there's no doubt about it. But still...
katmarie · 24/09/2021 23:58

My DH has treatment resistant depression. He has good days/weeks/months, then his mood just drops again. When he is well, he's kind, funny, loving, affectionate, selfless and generally wonderful. When he's on a low point, he's tired, sleeps a lot, withdraws a lot, struggles with simple social interactions. We have two kids.

He has never ever blamed me or the kids for his mood. He does his best to shield the kids from it and continually shows me that he sees what I do for him, and that he loves me and he's grateful. He feels terrible guilt when he's unwell, because he wants to be a part of the family and to have the energy and ability to do the things he thinks he should be doing with us.

It's not easy to live with sometimes, I do shoulder a burden when he's not well. But I knew all this about him from the start, he was very open and honest with me about his mental health, and he's very proactive about managing it. He sees the GP regularly, is involved in his medication decisions, and actively looks for other ways to feel better. Working helps a lot, and he's gone self employed as it means he can pick and choose when he works, to fit around his health. That again adds a burden, because I have to work full time to make sure we have consistent money coming in. But we've managed to find a balance that works for us. And he has a lot of empathy for me, what I went through with PND, and he was a rock to me in those times because he got what I was dealing with and what I needed.

If he was selfish, or not invested in caring for himself, or not actively seeking help, I wouldn't be able to live with it, and I certainly wouldn't have married him. I know he will have bouts of depression his whole life. But I knew that from the start. And when I said in sickness and in health, I knew what I was committing to. He takes ownership for his own health and behaviour though. That is the critical thing for me.

Ratsindahouse · 25/09/2021 02:37

Has he tried a different anti depressant? It may be worth exploring this avenue?

aLittleL1fe · 27/09/2021 12:05

Thing is, I know it isn't my fault, I know to be supportive without being dragged in, I know to self care. But I did all that and nothing bloody changes... Clearly!

Well you see I think the book describes just that. You can have the best coping strategies in the world but all that's happening is that you move in circles through the five stages of depression fallout: confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, anger, and finally, the desire to escape. And then back again. Sigh. For as long as depression is there, family will continue to suffer too. I think marriage gives both people hope that love can overcome and heal depression but it's not always true, in the same way as love doesn't heal alcoholism or broken bones.

The point of a good, healthy relationship is growth - being stronger, wiser and better together than you're on your own. Once growth becomes unachievable it's easy to slip into unhealthy patterns of coping. Affairs, alcohol, abuse are common and insidious coping mechanisms that creep up on an already weak relationship and can be hard to spot 'from the inside' before it's too late.

I thought I was able to cope for many years, but then when my daughter had a mental health crisis, I knew what my priorities are and I also knew that I'm not able to cope with two cases of MH at once, without also going under myself.

aLittleL1fe · 27/09/2021 12:06

This was in response to @RagzReturnsRebooted

RagzReturnsRebooted · 27/09/2021 19:37

@aLittleL1fe

Thing is, I know it isn't my fault, I know to be supportive without being dragged in, I know to self care. But I did all that and nothing bloody changes... Clearly!

Well you see I think the book describes just that. You can have the best coping strategies in the world but all that's happening is that you move in circles through the five stages of depression fallout: confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, anger, and finally, the desire to escape. And then back again. Sigh. For as long as depression is there, family will continue to suffer too. I think marriage gives both people hope that love can overcome and heal depression but it's not always true, in the same way as love doesn't heal alcoholism or broken bones.

The point of a good, healthy relationship is growth - being stronger, wiser and better together than you're on your own. Once growth becomes unachievable it's easy to slip into unhealthy patterns of coping. Affairs, alcohol, abuse are common and insidious coping mechanisms that creep up on an already weak relationship and can be hard to spot 'from the inside' before it's too late.

I thought I was able to cope for many years, but then when my daughter had a mental health crisis, I knew what my priorities are and I also knew that I'm not able to cope with two cases of MH at once, without also going under myself.

Good points. I probably need to read the book again. Though at the moment I'm resenting doing anything that feels like extra work on top of it all! I have bought DH books and he doesn't read them.

I like your points about growth though. Actually made me realise I've done and am still doing a lot of growth in terms of personal and professional, but DH seems stuck. I worry sometimes that he's become so dependent on me that he can't grow, he can't move forward...

However, he couldn't live alone (financially, let alone practically) so even if I was at the escape stage it just isn't practical.

ColouringPencils · 08/10/2021 07:06

I recognise so much of what has been said in this thread. I didn't/don't actually know of my DH is depressed, but so much rings true. He had an awful number of adverse childhood experiences. He has a tendency to ruminate and get stuck in repetitive thinking. He works full time and seems to find that ok, but almost (this is my interpretation, not his) like there are too many other hours in the day for his busy mind. He gets very anxious about things and we seem to keep going through cycles, building up to the next event (which might be eg a family visit, a party) and coming down from the last one. What is an everyday, happy event for other people is like a month of stress in his life (and consequently mine!). At the moment it feels like the 'normal' periods in between are brief respite. He drinks a lot. He doesn't sleep properly. All this week he has been going to bed at about 7pm, always in a mood with someone over nothing, then wakes up about midnight and obviously finds it hard to sleep for the rest of the night. He gets stressed out over Everything - booking a train has kept him on edge for weeks, no oregano in the spice rack while he is making dinner, you know - nothing.

It is SO hard to live with. I love him and he is a kind and caring dad, but at the moment most of the time we see him (after work, before he goes to bed extra-early) he is bad tempered with the kids for no reason. Generally he is a lot better at the weekends. He won't see a doctor and is terrified of being put on medication. He really fears speaking to someone. I think because of his rumination, he might think his thoughts will show him to be a bad person. I am absolutely sure he is still traumatised from childhood incidents which come up quite frequently in his conversation.

I just don't know how he will get out of this alone. Yesterday he had an accident, falling off his bike on the way back from work, which I had been fearing would happen since he stopped sleeping.

I have read The Body Keeps the Score, which is really interesting and I recommend to anyone who thinks trauma might be behind the depression.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 08/10/2021 10:09

I recognise so much of this - my dp also suffers with depression and it is so hard to live with at times. The reason I'm still with him is that he tries really hard to get better - he's had therapy, anti-depressants, he is very strict about his exercise routine etc. It hasn't 'cured' him and we still have very difficult patches but it's not constant. It has taken a toll on my mental health though and I do still find myself questioning my marriage, especially since we had a baby. He is a good person, self-aware and funny and has many amazing qualities but I do crave a more relaxed and calm life at times. Everything is such a big deal for him, anything that involves socialising, even little things like doing a bit of DIY have to be negotiated. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone who doesn't turn a trip to the tip or a morning out into a major deal that has to be carefully planned etc. I'm only really recently realising how much of my life is hemmed in or built around his health and his moods - I can't talk about certain topics with him in the morning or before bed because he finds it stressful, he doesn't like people coming to the house even if it's just to pick something up, he doesn't like me leaving my drinking glass anywhere apart from the place he's allocated it in the kitchen (he also has ocd)... It feels so disloyal to say all this as I do love him but I have to say if I was starting again I would steer well clear of anyone with depression, I know it's not their fault but it just takes such a toll on the other person.

ColouringPencils · 08/10/2021 11:07

I hear you @Nowisthemonthofmaying. So hemmed in. Like, I don't want to invite people to stay because he will work himself up so much in the lead-up to it, it will be painful for both of us; but I also don't feel I can go away and leave him for more than a few days at a time as I worry how he will cope. So, I am stuck? I have explained this to him many times - when I've felt he is able to deal with it - but there doesn't seem to be an easy solution.

ColouringPencils · 08/10/2021 11:08

I also feel disloyal, as I have never really said any of this to anyone before.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 09/10/2021 12:37

@ColouringPencils I'm glad it's not just me! I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this in real life.

Perhaps we could all do with a support thread for partners of depressed people? I could certainly do with one 😂😭

Stumpholecavern · 16/10/2021 08:39

My heart goes out to all of you. My dad had bipolar and I recognise so much of what has been said by pps from my childhood.

Treading on egg shells, exploding over tiny things, resisting treatment, seeing him spiralling with lack of sleep and him blaming my mum for it all.

I often wondered why my mum didn't leave him. The feeling of responsibility I imagine. This feels awful to say but he died over 10 years ago now and I'm glad my mum has had 10 years where she can put herself first and live in peace. I loved my Dad but he was very hard to like/ live with at times. She admitted she was so relieved he wasn't alive during the covid lockdowns as she couldn't have coped. I feel I've survived my childhood ok. My brother gas been more effected - low self esteem, heavy drinking.

I also have friends in relationships where their DH has depression. The 2 couples where they blame their wife tend to be the ones that have broken down and divorced. The wife has then gone on to a new relationship and is so much happier for it. The husbands do not seem to have changed.

I don't know what the answer is but I would be reluctant to stay in this situation.

Fern204 · 18/10/2021 18:46

I’ve found this thread helpful. My DH has recently attempted suicide for the second time and this has jolted me into not accepting his depression as something I want in my life. We have been married for 21 years, I know it’s taken a huge toll on DS18, and also on my health, I have fibromyalgia. I have started therapy for myself and realise that I probably do need to make some difficult decisions about our future.
I don’t want to walk away from the life we have built but it is a life half lived with depression affecting every part of it.

Alwayscheerful · 19/10/2021 10:50

This thread resonates.I am wondering how to arrange an NHS bipolar diagnosis, someone mentioned a private assessment recently, due to the long delays within the NHS but I can't find the thread.

Ashara · 19/10/2021 11:50

This thread has made me cry buckets. My husband (indeed his whole family) has depression, which he has only ever sought help for once. He hated how the tablets made him feel so he came off them (a very mild dose) & now refuses to go for any help ever. He's grumpy, everything is a negative thought first. It's exhausting. And it makes me a bitch & pick on everything because I know he's going to negative so I just pre-empt it. He's told me he would rather us split up than he gets help. We have two kids. Don't do it OP - I wouldn't if I had my time again. I love him when he's happy, but it's rare. And you're always waiting for the negativity. It sounds like I don't love him but I do, it's just so hard. he does work hard at least, and does stuff around the house.

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