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Ds and work

2 replies

SameDifferentDay · 18/09/2021 05:55

Ds suffers with anxiety. He is early 20's and in his first job after Uni.
He works in retail, they have a "challenge 25" policy in place.
Since starting, I would say he gets abuse around twice a week from people he's asked for I.D. it's really getting him down, he's been shouted at and sworn at by customers no end of times. He comes home in a foul mood which affects me too and obviously I find it upsetting the way he's being treated, although his managers do always back him up which is good at least.
However, he seems to be getting obsessed with it. He is TERRIFIED of accidentally serving someone underage and i'm starting to wonder if he's taking it too far because of this. I understand that with a mask on it can be difficult to determine how old someone looks but most people arent wearing them now.
It was his comment today that made me think. He said he'd asked a lady for I.D. who turned out to be early 50's but she'd looked 30 ish. I said "but if you thought she looked 30 why did you ask her for I.D.?" I reminded him you have to be 18 to buy alcohol, not 25 and it's unlikely anyone who looks 30 would be 17 or under, there's a huge difference there. I dont know how he could possibly think anyone in their 50's might be under 18, and wonder what's going on in his mind.
I am totally sympathetic and there's no excuse for customers being rude to him but I can't help wondering if he's bringing some of it on himself bring over cautious. He does tend to obssess over things and it's becoming a huge problem. I've told him if he cant handle that part of the job he's better off looking for something else.
I dont know, it's just worrying me how he's going to cope with a full time job. I dont know how to help him with his anxiety, I suffer with it too so I do understand but every job comes with bits we dont like. As a receptionist I got shouted at a lot by customers if they couldn't get to speak to the boss, I just learnt to brush it off, it's not personal. What's to say his next job wont upset him if he's got to work to certain targets, or if his boss is an arse, or he doesn't like a colleague. In one way, it's just life but if its affecting his mental health...I'm just not really sure what to do.

OP posts:
atleastitswarm · 18/09/2021 06:42

Agree OP he needs to massively detach from this. Customers should never be abusive towards staff I think it’s disgusting, but realistically 2 people in the space of a week getting angry because they’ve got no ID shouldn’t be a huge issue with him.

Does he work in a particularly rough area or ask particularly rudely? I worked in pubs and betting shops for a long while and would say I only had incidents like this maybe once a month - most people I managed to get to just quickly leave after having no ID. For me, I find it works having a sort of internal ‘script’:
Sorry lovely, you didn’t happen to have any ID I could just glance at do you?
Oh, sorry but in that case I am unable to serve you today. If you come back with your ID I would be happy to get your things for you. Sorry about that, have a nice day.

Repeat, repeat, repeat. If anyone kicked off I wouldn’t even acknowledge them, would just ask them to leave the premises and then carry on serving customers until they got bored. Maybe it would help for him to have some sort of stock phrases he can throw out in these situations so he doesn’t panic?

We never stop worrying about them do we, hugs Op Flowers

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2021 07:47

Op is he getting help for his anxiety? Has he spoken to his doctor? Mental illness isn’t something to just accept.

I think I’d urge him to speak to his gp and ask him to take a deep breath and think before he asks for ID. Explain thay challenge 25 is you ask for ID of anyone who looks younger than 25. So asking people who he knows look much older could be due to his mental health.

I don’t think he should give up on the job, but I do think he should seek help. If you also suffer from mental illness have you sought help, Ie lead the way? That may help him too.

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