I think I'm having a breakdown

[flippers145]

I can't stop crying. I drove 2 hours yesterday and cried almost the whole way. I cry in the mornings and in the evenings. I want to die but at the same time I don't because I know it will be painful, and it would destroy my parents. So I'm stuck. I am so lonely working from home and it's never going back to how it was before. My job feels pointless and I can hardly motivate myself to do any work, I end up working at the weekends just to catch up. I live in a shared house and it's really stressful people moving in and out all the time. Someone I really care about is leaving far away and I'll probably never see them again. I've never felt so low in my life.

I'm here holding your hand until someone with better words comes along

Could you live somewhere that's more suited to you? Maybe as a lodger so you're not dealing with a lot of other tenants.
I know you feel very 'down' just now, but could you look for another job where you feel better connected to your colleagues?
I hope you have at least a few friends you can turn to and tell them how you're feeling.

You sound completely overwhelmed OP. Have you spoken to your GP? They can help.

OP firstly you need a cuddle, a really big squeeze, preferably from someone who loves you. Then you should break down your problems into small chunks, home arrangements, work arrangements, think about changes that can be made. Life is short and the way that you feel now will pass.
Here to listen

Thank you for your kind messages. I think I really need to see my GP. I just feel very overwhelmed by life at the moment and the past few days and weeks I have felt particularly awful.

I felt similar some years ago. I had took medication and did CBT. It was a literal life saver. Wishing you well.

Sounds like you may have situational depression - ie. depression caused by a reaction to specific circumstances as opposed to clinical/inherent depression.

PLEASE hold on to the fact that no matter how bleak or bad it all seems now, things will change and you will feel better.

Take it in bite sized chunks and see if you can change one thing at a time - even if the solution isn't permenant or perfect, is it better than where you are now?
For example, if you hate where you live, can you change that? Can you move back in with your parents for a bit while you re-group? Have you got a friend who has a spare room you could use for a short while? Can you look for a different house share with less people?

Big Hug
Give yourself some 'me' time. Don't work at the weekends. Plan some treats for yourself. Make plans to see some friends. Start a new hobby. List all the things you love doing and then plan to do them all. Talk to people about how you are feeling. Tell the person who is moving away that you will really miss them.
Imagine you are a friend and do the things you would suggest they do.

You live in a shared house. Just that would do my head in.

If you have to keep working from home, can you do it somewhere else - from your parents?

There is a solution to this shot situation/ it's just not immediately available on a Friday evening.

Hi, first well done for being honest with you and recognising that you are not fine. So now start taking small steps to discover your own happiness. What do you like to do? Reading? Walks? Music? Etc. Or try new things.
Regarding the house issue, I am sure there are plenty of flat shares in your area, look for another flat where flatmates want to do things with the other flatmates and you feel they have a positive vibes.
Speak with your GP or organisations that help for free in case of mental health issues.
Start finding a new job or start a boot camp course, they are free and you can learn nee skills.
Be positive, this is going to be temporary but you can fight this