Trigger warning topic.. Ideation. Have a question before an assessment.

[EmotionalSupportBear]

Putting this here, because i'm going to ask a couple of questions around depression/suicidal/intrusive thoughts and i don't want anyone being triggered by it, please only answer if you're in a state of mind where this isn't going to upset/hurt or otherwise traumatise you.

I've a MH assessment coming up as i've been functionally depressed for some time, one of the questions that always comes up (done them before) is about suicidal thoughts, and if i have them.

I'm trying to guage what counts as ST's so i can be as honest as i can without rambling to the therapist... are what i'm having ideation, or intrusive thoughts?

I would certainly never carry out anything, but at my lowest points i have definitely had thoughts along the lines that no-one would miss me if i weren't here any longer, every one hates me and my existence is pointless, and i have thought of ways i could end it if i wanted to.

I should add, i don't want to, and i would never leave my kids, they are the one thing that keeps me going, gets me out of bed..etc

Is this something i should talk about, as i am 100% unlikely to ever actually attempt anything, knowing it really is just the depression brain talking when i'm upset/feeling awful?

I think you should say exactly what you have just written here. And the person who will be assessing you will take it from there. Much love

Yes write exactly that. Look after yourself

I have them. I’ve learned through counselling that these aren’t impulses I’m likely to act on but a sign that I am feeling overwhelmed. Usually when they start up again I need to do a bit of work to unpick why I’ve reached that stress level.

I agree with clarepetal, it’s worth sharing. The instinct with these thoughts is to push they away, but actually I’ve learned strategies through counselling to get let them be, let them pass, then analyse why they are happening (my last counsellor got me into journaling as a way to process things myself because obviously counselling can’t go on forever). So yes, share, because they will help you learn how to handle these ST. Good luck with it all , hope you start feeling better soon

The person doing your assessment will know the difference between thoughts and plans / intentions. Don't worry, just answer the questions honestly. Thinking that "everything is pointless" and "it would be better if I wasn't here" are certainly relevant thoughts to mention. They are passive rather than active thoughts. Hope you get the help you need.

Thank you? I feel silly that i don't know this.. i'm a MH First Aider myself, but for kids, so i know the process of handling other peoples depression.. but negotiation/trying to unpick my own is an absolute minefield of anxiety and self doubt.

It's taken a LONG time for me to admit this is more than just my anxiety disorder and ask for help.