Have I had a panic attack?

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

Morning all

Sorry it's a bit long but wanted to give some background.

In a job I’m not enjoying (12 months in role but v part time hours, less than 16 p week). Boss isn’t necessarily a bad person but no patience and hard to work with when she’s stressed. Which is often. If I’m being brutally honest I’m wondering if they made a mistake recruiting me as although I was pretty honest about my skill gaps I was led to believe they weren’t an issue/comprehensive training would happen.
So yep, I’m not a good fit and despite the fact I work my backside off, give everything 100% and haven’t shied away from many extra responsibilities it’s obvious there will never be time to bridge the gap in skills I have.

I feel like I’m causing more work than I’m completing and letting my manager down (we’re in education but admin side and it’s just us two). I’m worrying about it every day and it’s affecting my sleep, appetite and now - sorry, probably TMI - I’m experiencing significant tummy troubles too 😳

So - thanks for bearing with me - on my regular run this am and it was glorious … sunshine, warm, headphones on and 90s tunes pushing me on. The best I've felt all week. Then work crept into my head and I stopped and walked and thought to myself “Fuck it - for the £ I’m getting this is not worth how it’s making me feel. I’m handing my notice in”.

And for a second it was like a weight was lifted. But then like a switch was flicked I was struggling to breathe (not run related) and I burst into very ugly tears and couldn’t stop them. And still couldn’t get my breath. Luckily I had a cap on so managed to hide it all but I’d say it lasted a good 5 minutes. Nearly called DH to get me but walked rest of way home.

I’m ok now but feeling a bit tearful. And a bit stupid.

Thank you so much for reading so far. I’m normally so confident and I hate how this is making me feel. I've never really felt stressed at work or had a panic attack. Other factors could be peri menopause and this is my first paid employment after long gap.

Sounds like it. I have only had one panic attack many years ago. It was during a hugely stressful time at work and came from nowhere. I couldnt breathe - hyperventilating and crying. Work called my husband to calm me down. Be kind to yourself - If the job is making you unhappy and you can afford to leave I would. There will be the right job out there for you.

Hi OP.
As someone who has panic disorder I don't think it sounds like you had a panic attack but a realisation and rush of emotion.
You are going through a stressful time and it sounds like you had a release but not in the panic sense of complete terror where you feel the world is ending and which takes days to recover from.
You have released this pent up stress and it's totally normal you felt this way after working in such conditions.
Please don't add stress to your life by worrying you are having panic attacks.

Aww thanks both for replying. I think I'm going to cry again

It did feel like a "release " thing for sure. I think as it was so out of the blue and I thought I was coping ok and then I struggled to get control, that's when I thought panic attack. I don't want to minimise what others go through (DM has suffered with depression and panic attacks for as long as I can remember) as by comparison, today wasn't anywhere near that.

Sounds like a panic attack. I've had a couple of mild ones before.

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I used to suffer from them all the time and was agoraphobic for years. They are horrific, hyperventilating, shaking, numb face and arms. They only started to get better when Ibegan to take ad's, but it doesn't sound like you had one.