I miss my old life

[hardtofindaname]

I suffer really badly with health anxiety. I was told today that I have a relatively high risk of heart attack due to a genetic condition. I'm taking medication and I've just been feeling mentally and physically shit.

I feel really anxious about lockdown ending. I know lockdown was awful for a lot of people but I felt safer (bizarre I know).

My daughter is now a teenager and I really miss my old life when she was little and needed me.

I feel like I've wasted my life and almost like I'm just waiting to die.

I don't want to take medication because I'm too anxious about the side effects but I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I feel similarly - I've been very depressed since I had a breakdown in April and I really miss the person I was before that. I also feel like much of my life has been wasted and now i only really keep going for my daughter's sake. My daughter is still little but I think she will still need me when she's a teenager and older and I'm sure yours does too.

I really think you should talk to your doctor and get some therapy or counselling.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hi @Notgettingbetter I'm really sorry to hear you're having a hard time 😔

I've found my doctors totally useless to be honest. They did refer me for CBT but I found it barely scratched the surface. I can't even be bothered to mention how I feel to the GP because they just keep trying to fob me off with medication.

I'm finding it really hard I miss my daughter. It's like a bereavement.

Can I ask what do you mean by 'wasted your life'? Can you pinpoint specific ways in which you feel that way towards?
It may be a grief type reaction your working through and sounds like counselling or psychotherapy would be more helpful.

It is a kind of bereavement when they stop needing you so much. But it's healthy and right and a sign you've parented well. It's time to start taking good care of yourself. If your DD was feeling really low, what would you suggest she do? How would you show care for her? Try showing the same sort of care to yourself, and start exploring what you wnat to do with your life now you have it back.

I feel a bit the same way - DC are both off at uni and I feel like a headless chicken. No idea what I want to do or how I want to live. I enjoy my work but it is from home, alone (always was, even before lockdown) apart from client meetings. I feel so restless and bored. I'm just trying to work out what to do next.

I feel just as you do.
I have terrible health anxiety and lots of physical symptoms which have literally exploded since Covid hit.
My mum has Alzheimer’s, her dad and his dad had it so I live in constant fear of getting it.
I too loved lock down, I loved the security of being at home with my teen dc, I struggle now they are older and long for the happy carefree days when they we’re toddlers and it was just the three of us every day. I loved that part of my life so very much and feel a kind of mourning for that time in my life.
I have antidepressants at home but like you, I am too afraid of the side effects.
Sorry I haven’t added any advice but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel.

@hardtofindaname I can relate to feeling like that too and being told that you are at high risk of a heart attack would be distressing even without the health anxiety.
Was there any advice about anything you can do to minimise the risk?