Sorry if this is long, I just feel like screaming everything that’s weighing on my shoulders out into the ether.
After having my baby 18 months ago, I fell into a very deep PND state, found a job after 6 months maternity leave as I thought being back at work would help my mental health. Little did I know, my work was a toxic, nasty environment, with awful management who feel like it is appropriate to shout at staff in front of everyone about their mistakes. Working full time, coming home, spending an hour with my child, getting the laptop out, doing another 3-4 hours work and keeping on top of everything else that comes with being a mum.
I miss my baby, I feel like a rubbish mum, I’ve handed my notice in at work and been signed off sick for the remainder but I still feel so anxious, low and self-critical. I want to be a good mum for my little one, but I still feel like I’m looking after her for someone else, like she isn’t mine.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I realise I’m rambling but I’m at the verge of a breakdown. I don’t know what to do.