Nurse for two years.. I want to quit.

[mumsneedtochat]

I've been qualified for two years, worked in an elderly unit most of that time and also done a stint in covid wards. I have never enjoyed my time as a nurse on the wards as only 6 months into my post and the pandemic came along.

I've struggled on and my mental health has taken a huge hit due to this. I have taken time off and I'm currently signed off by my doctor due to contracting covid myself. Having had some time off to reflect on the last two years, it's made me realise I just really don't want to do this job anymore.

I have feelings of dread every time I even think about my work. It makes me miserable and just really quite depressed. I don't agree with the long hours and yes you get more days off in the week, but I spent these days doing nothing anyway as everyone else is at work.

I have applied for other jobs inside nursing but I've not been successful at these. There is a lack of jobs in my area at present and travelling further away just isn't an option due to childcare ( I have a 4 yr old).

I obviously still have bills to pay for, mortgage, car etc so it's not as easy as just leaving. I also have the horrible feeling of guilt that I spent 5-6 years of my life at college and university to just throw it away?

Going back to university isn't something I'm interested in doing either. I'm just done with it all if I'm honest. I keep looking back and wishing I had just done something else with my time, whether that be work in a call centre or continue to work in a clothes shop. I just don't think it ever was for me but I just pushed myself through.

My question is- how do I stop myself feeling like a failure? I feel like I'd be letting everyone I know down if I gave it up. However, I can't continue on feeling like this?

The passion to be a nurse is gone. It's not something that makes me happy, it makes me the opposite and this whole pandemic has just finalised that for me. If I give it up- what do I do instead?

I'm just sick of coming home each night from work feeling miserable and not being able to forget about things that have happened. I also don't like the depressiveness on the job of always seeing bad news or bad things happen. It's not as rewarding as what it used to be. I'm quite a negative person and I just feel my job brings me down completely.

Please if anyone has any advice on what to do or just some nice words it would really help.

• I have reached out to occupation health / my doctor already for advice and support.

I am a nurse and have been for a long long time, but I know many of my colleagues feel like you. It is a really hard job and is brutal on your mental health.
You wouldn’t be a failure if you gave up nursing, you tried, gave it your best and realised it isn’t right for you. That isn’t failing. I don’t know what you do instead though, but I fairly regularly see threads in Chat from nurses asking for answers to this question and there are plenty of replies. You can probably search for the threads or start a similar and see if any of the suggestions appeal to you.
Are the other jobs you applied for on wards? Maybe community nursing or something else would be better than a ward? I don’t know, but maybe it is worth a try alongside deciding what you might want to do other than nursing. Were there any placements you particularly enjoyed as a student?
In the end, your health and happiness are more important than the job, so you need to find something that helps you feel better, and I wish you luck with that.

I met a nurse recently who was involved in teaching/assessing the clinical skills of foreign nurse recruits. She said she enjoyed it. She was a fairly newly qualified Band 5. I wonder if there is similar in your trust?

You would NOT be a failure if you quit. Your health and wellbeing take priority! The conditions at the moment are appalling and I hope the government take note!

It is a big shame to throw away your training.. but there is a lot more to nursing than the wards.
See if community nursing will work for you. It is pretty much 9-5 and you have more control. Or like pp said, maybe teaching. I did an Access to Nursing course, and my biology tutor was an ex-nurse.

There are a lot of options out there that will use your qualifications and experience

Hey OP, I could have written your post. Slightly different circumstances as I've been on long term sick since Jan 2020 following meningitis! I have a multitude of health issues and beat myself up every day for not working, and don't know what's going to Hallen with my registration as I've been out of practice over 18 months! Since graduating as a nurse in 2017 I feel like my physical and mental health has completely deteriorated. I could feel myself heading for burn out/a breakdown in 2019 and December of that year was hell, and then the viral meningitis hit, which tipped me over the edge. I'm convinced I became ill because I was so so drained and felt like I was going mad. Sorry to rant on but I just wanted to share a bit of my story so you know you are not alone. I have done a lot of reflecting since being off and have come to the realisation that I actually never enjoyed nursing, I was never a good fit for it, I doubted my career choice every day and I just don't see myself being able to go back. Maybe you need time out to focus on your mental wellbeing. Yes there's the obvious financial concerns and that was the reason I kept pushing on as I was terrified of not being able to pay my rent etc, but then I had no choice but to stop. Admittedly, being on universal credit makes me feel like a failure, but it is not through choice, I am desperate to function and work, but I manage on it as long as I budget. Put your mental health first, and know that it's ok to not want to nurse anymore, there is a reason why hundreds, even thousands leave the profession and you are definitely not alone.

*happen

Get off the wards.
Keep looking for a new job.
Care home is better than wards.
Medical sales rep is better than wards.
Anything in the community is better than wards.
111 is better than wards.
In hospital- theatres/ITU/CCU/OPD/ pre op assessment unit - anything is better than wards, especially general/ elderly wards.
Get looking OP, there’s something else out there for you that’s not pushing a bloody medicine trolley around and ticking boxes all day xxx

I think it would be worth trying a different speciality before quitting. Elderly care is back breaking and monotonous. I couldn’t do that everyday. I work in cancer. My patients are a variety of ages, many are (sadly) young and fit. But the work is really interesting and satisfying. Also, my job is Min-Fri 9-5. I love not being restricted by shifts. There are better jobs out there OP.
If you really want to quit, there are some aligned careers that you could get into easily with nursing experience. Chiropody springs to mind, but there are loads.

Can you speak to a careers advisor? You can access this free from your local careers centre. There are many side steps from nursing including health visiting, health policy, teaching at a university, call centre emergency call handler, trainer, etc. Your training will stand you in good stead.

Op what about doing a spot of locuming? Or going into private practice? Different work / experiences

I agree, do something else with your nursing degree. I work with research nurses, both public and private sector. Research nursing offers good wages (band 5/6 typically or band 7 for research managers after a few years) and a good work/life balance (depending on research area and employer, there can be after hours working in NHS roles). Most research nurses I've worked in have been very happy with their jobs and MUCH preferred it to ward work.

'how do I stop myself feeling like a failure? I feel like I'd be letting everyone I know down if I gave it up. However, I can't continue on feeling like this?' You sound right in the thick of it and these questions are clearing weighing heavily on your mind. You wouldn't be letting anyone down, you would be looking after yourself which has to come before everyone else. I just wonder as I read what you've written if this is about more than just your job, if there are wider questions here related to your emotional life that you need to explore somehow maybe through counselling or on your own but as separate from this job dilemma. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for nursing us through this pandemic. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you.

I left nursing after 20 years it was hust too much. I did medical insurance for a few years then trained to be a podiatrist which is much less stressful.

Hi guys. Thank you for all your responses I really appreciate them. I attended a job interview for a post in ophthalmology and I got the job. It is a cut in pay of about £500 a month and it's a Monday to Friday job with better hours. I have accepted the job and I am looking forward to it but I do have slight second thoughts as I just can't believe I will actually be leaving the ward now.

It's a lot less money and I can still pay bills- but will now have less money to spend. However surely happiness in a less stressful job means more?

What do you guys think?

Thanks.

If it was either that or leaving the profession then you’ve definitely made the right choice I think. It’s just a starting point anyway
If you need more money I’m sure you could do the odd weekend day in the nhs

@mumsneedtochat

Hi guys. Thank you for all your responses I really appreciate them. I attended a job interview for a post in ophthalmology and I got the job. It is a cut in pay of about £500 a month and it's a Monday to Friday job with better hours. I have accepted the job and I am looking forward to it but I do have slight second thoughts as I just can't believe I will actually be leaving the ward now.

It's a lot less money and I can still pay bills- but will now have less money to spend. However surely happiness in a less stressful job means more?

What do you guys think?

Thanks.

Sign on to the bank and you can pick up some ward shifts to suit yourself. Youll keep your hand in and supplement your income. You won't be short of work.

Congrats on finding a solution that suits you better, and well done on not leaving the NHS....nurses are too valuable to lose

The new role is definitely worth a try! Congratulations!
If you find the drop in salary too hard you could do a couple of overtime shifts on a ward a month? Just try not to wear yourself out.

Older adult care is hard work especially at the moment. I couldn’t do it.

Well done!
Life is much better off the wards. You’ll soon progress and get that £500 back.