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Mental health

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Original poster

Pregnant and dont want my baby

19 replies

secretsad · 13/09/2021 21:59

This is my 5the baby, a surprise, I'm in my 40s.

34 weeks pregnant. Having complications and wondering would I even be bothered if anything band happened.

My youngest is 12, I had just got my life back. I feel so selfish. I have a new partner, the relationship isn't great. We argue and fight. I slapped him last night and he punched me,pushed me on the floor and kicked me in the face. I started the argument by slagging off his mother and I went for him as I am so so angry I'm in this situation when my life was just getting better.

I have pre eclampsia. I suffer from depression but stopped taking medication when I became pregnant and was doing ok.

I tried to ask for help and support from my midwife and instead of referring me to the perinatal team she contacted social services and they're doing an assessment on me.

I feel so frustrated and alone.

OP posts:

DeletedByAccident · 13/09/2021 22:22

You life would get better again by getting rid of your partner.
I’m sorry your midwife hasn’t referred you, could you specifically ask for the referral or contact your GP?
Did you phone the police and report the DV? This isn’t a situation you, your existing children, or the baby you are about to have should be living in. Please get him to leave.
I hope you can get some support and things improve for you soon
I hope someone knowledgeable comes along who can advise you, maybe post in relationships for some advice, so sorry you are in this situation.

cheapskatemum · 13/09/2021 22:29

Social Services assessing you isn't a bad thing. They can keep you safe from your abuser.

Original poster

secretsad · 13/09/2021 22:30

Thank you for your reply. I know he was trying to make me angry but I did go for for him first and pulled his hair so it was my fault, I started it and he said he is going to tell the social worker when she comes around. I have been to the assessment unit today and baby seems fine but they've had to increase my blood pressure medication again and make a plan for early delivery.

On the one hand I want to focus on my baby and then arriving safely and being settled. On the other hand I feel like I'm in a living hell. I self referred for counselling but it wasn't helpful.

OP posts:

Original poster

secretsad · 13/09/2021 22:31

Social Services assessing you isn't a bad thing. They can keep you safe from your abuser.

Thank you. I do realise they're there to provide support and my social worker is lovely.

OP posts:

Original poster

secretsad · 13/09/2021 22:33

The worst thing is he shouted I'm going to kick you in the face abs then did! But then afterwards adamantly denied it

OP posts:

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 13/09/2021 22:37

It sounds like a complicated situation. Another child might or might not be a good idea. Sounds like you need to get some clarity but you have options, an adoption could be arranged. Not saying its a good idea, but you have a lot to consider here from a turbulent relationship to your existing children and your own mental health and ability to manage everything.

cheapskatemum · 13/09/2021 22:38

You need to tell your social worker all that you have said here. He is abusive. Have you done a Freedom Programme?

Tonic54 · 13/09/2021 22:39

He kicked you in the face. Imagine a friend telling you this, it's not ok. Even if you slapped him first, you a pregnant with his baby. Leave him before it gets any worse.

CassandraTrotter · 13/09/2021 22:41

You still have options, op. You can talk to your mw about adoption. The most important thing is to leave this man.

How long have you been together?

Original poster

secretsad · 13/09/2021 22:46

His parents are overbearing and the cause of most of the arguments so I am so scared that they will take the baby and in my weaker moments I start to believe they're making me out to be an unfit parent so they can take the baby. I really was and am a devoted and loving mum and it disturbs me that I don't want the baby.

I'm also scared of telling anyone about the violence because a huge part of me loves and needs my partner. And I don't feel strong enough to do and carry anything on my own.

OP posts:

cheapskatemum · 13/09/2021 23:11

Please phone Women's Aid and tell them what's going on. Whether you keep your baby or not; the arguments and violence are affecting your unborn child.

It may be that, deep down, you know he won't be a good father for your baby and that is causing your ambivalence towards him or her.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/09/2021 23:16

You know you were wrong to slap him. But he kicked you in the face. He kicked his pregnant partner in the fucking face. You need out of this relationship now.

Queenie6655 · 13/09/2021 23:19

You need to inform police

Call woman's aid

Get the fck out

What are you doing ??

Been there and yes it's hard but this is truly shocking

IceLace100 · 13/09/2021 23:22

Contact your social worker about the violence. Or call the police if it's an emergency.

Someone kicking you in the face is absolutely not ok.

If you don't want the baby don't keep the baby. Let a loving couple adopt your baby from when she is born. She will have a chance at an amazing life knowing she is loved and wanted. Speak to your social worker about arranging it.

IndecentCakes · 13/09/2021 23:29

I second the poster above - if you don't want to parent this baby, and it doesn't look great, then allow them to be adopted by a family for whom it will be a dream come true.
You need to stop being with this man, though. If, for some reason, a pregnant woman slapped me, I would still not ever kick her in the face. That's insane and someone who does needs to be in prison imo.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 14/09/2021 00:03

Get rid of the man. Do it safely - SS should be able to help you with this. If he will leave without kicking off then ask him to leave ASAP. If you think he might get angry and hurt you again then get help to leave. Being kicked in the face is up their with strangulation and kicking your pregnant partner in the stomach on the scale of unacceptable. Did you have bruising? Did you take photos? Can you tell the police? Slapping him is bad and a sign the relationship should probably end, but it’s not going to cause Grievous Bodily Harm like a kick to the face could.

Before you consider offering your baby up for adoption, you need to check what will happen next - I think it’s likely the father or the paternal grandparents would be allowed to take the child ahead of a non-related couple.

cheapskatemum · 14/09/2021 10:11

Social Services would certainly do an assessment of such a father (assuming you've reported his actions) before allowing him to have any kind of unsupervised access to the child.

Original poster

secretsad · 14/09/2021 10:21

Thank you everyone

OP posts:

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 14/09/2021 10:45

Good luck, your situation is a tough one but calm action could improve it a lot. I hope you can find the strength and support you and your children need.

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