Permanent sadness inside

[PilatesPeach]

I have this sadness all the time inside, it gets smaller at times and gets bigger at times. I have a job and people like me I very much enjoy my job and am both good at it and popular there.
But since I was a young child I have had this sadness inside - I was on ADs 15 years ago but they just zombied me out and I do feel better off them. I retrained and changed careers, I run and keep fit but inside have this sadness. Often feel teary eg yesterday was driving in an area where I used to go to school and felt overhelmed and just anxious to get home. Things that help are having a dog, eating healtily, getting enough sleep, exercising and having a job I love but it never ever goes away. I am single. Not unhappy single as previous relationships largely unhappy, both parents deceased.
Anyone else have this? Even spoke to my lovely GP about it who understands that I do not get on with Ads and said I just have to try and do lots of lifestyle things to try and manage it which I do.
Just looking to see if anyone else can relate thanks

I relate to this @PilatesPeach. I feel like I have a void at my core and don’t recall ever being happy. I also had a few years on ADs but they made me numb and disconnected.

I have a family and I think I just fake it for them.

If I stop and think about it, I can become depressed so I try to keep active all the time - work, housework, phone calls, exercise.

I felt very sad about this lately and someone suggested starting a scrap book of things that bring me joy - photos, concert tickets, notes etc. To be honest none of it makes me happy anyway but maybe I will try - it feels like another way of faking it til I make it ….

How wierd, I had this thought just today. I burst into tears and had a sob from my gut. There are lots of small reasons why, I know this.

When I was a teenager I cried A LOT. The things that made me sad were loneliness. I had this sense of just wanting to belong but my life always felt split (geographically it was). But there was lots of good stuff too. I just remember doing the kind of crying where it just carries on and on. Everything changed in my early 20s due to a series of life choices and I was on a positive path. That feeling of not belonging left me and I thought that was all in the past.

A series of other life events have left me with a bit of a void, if I'm honest, and I'd say over the last few years that feeling at my core of things not being quite right has come back.

Its a wierd feeling- a mix of nerves, fear, a sense of just wanting my mum and the comfort of things being made alright. I also know I suffer with SAD and I think I might have depression again.

One thing I have learned is that at the core of it all is one fear, which is abandonment (and helplessness). That helped for some reason. Also eating well as most of our happy hormones live in our gut. And getting out the SAD lightbox this time of year helps.

Have you ever had any therapy? Or tried writing down how you feel? You know that it's part of the human experience to feel a wide range of emotions, we're not designed just to remain on 'happy'. It's ok to feel these darker feelings, sometimes they are just asking to be heard and seen.

Had therapy a number of times and found no difference just a chat for an hour then still feel the same was worse really as brought things even more to the surface.

Even if I am cheerful,I still feel sad inside. It is hard to fully explain and it waxes and wanes but is always always there inside.

I do have a Lumie I will get it out of the loft.