Need... I dont know... To vent? Some support?
Before I go into it...Please don't suggest leaving my husband I don't want that I want to tackle and sort this out he's a great husband with everything else...
I'm 32 weeks pregnant right now and have a 2 and 6 year old... I love my husband dearly we are able to talk about everything... However I am fighting back tears right now...
The dining room has become his office as he now works from home and it is a mess, a pig stye... Shortly before our 2 year old was born I found a credit card demand of payment notice he owed 2k and wasn't paying enough off it monthly...
I cried because he has racked up debt before while we were both at uni but his parents paid it off... now again... we had a disussion about it then we set up £100 a month to pay it off. It meant cutting down on things, I go without a lot... I dont work because childcare would cost my whole wages as I cannot work full time due to my disability.
Despite this I don't qualify for much under the new disability system and had to fight for what little I do get...
This money is used for my disability and any left over ends up paying all the things that always crop up... I am always balancing the books moving money across accounts budgeting, meal planning, batch cooking ect to get by. I work hard at this and am always looking for coupons , vouchers , deals and compare prices across stores , go to multiple stores to get things cheaper ect....
Husband suffers from depression I understand as so do I but mine isnt as bad and I go through on off phases....
We should have paid off the credit card by now in Jan I asked him to check the balance so we can save and use that £100 on other things.
The house needs a lot of help for example! We could do with it for saving for holidays and christmas ect As well...It always falls to me to find a way of cutting and budgeting for everything I accepted this as I do not work.
We fell pregnant with this baby whilst I had the coil in... so it's not us being irresponsible...
Husband kept saying he didn't know the details to view the account online and they wouldn't tell him over the phone because he didn't know his security details either, he is very unorganised so I believe this may have been the issue at first.
because I had a niggling worry I'd occasionally ask him if he was spending on the card still as we're trying to pay it off. He always said no.
He said he's requested it several times and it hasn't come. This was true to begin with, they were sending the information to the wrong house.
I contacted them and said that he's requested it a lot and they hadn't sent it to the right place this has been going on months can you please call him back to sort it. They did and then 4 weeks later my husband said It still hadent arrived.
Nothing was done about this because we had a bunch of weddings I was in the bridal party for and our sons birthday , then our son went back to school and I had to get use to the new routine ect...
I was too busy to push... yesterday I went into the dinning room to find something and found a letter saying his verification number is on the tag sent with it which was peeled off and dated June....
Hubby was giving the kids a bath... I placed the letter back down and sat in the living room and cried... I was sitting there thinking has he racked up more debt? Is it not paid off? Is it paid off but he is spending all that money on just himself...despite the fact he comments I rarely buy anything for myself... and I reply we can't afford for me to spend...is he spending that money knowing I worry about money...
It hurts it really hurts... I don't know the exact situation yet... I know I need to talk to him, set rules and put my food down ..but I just dont know what to say right now... I'm afraid he's go into more debt.... I'm upset that he could hide this ...
I know part of his depression is the impulse to buy to gratify himself when he had therapy this was talked about...He is trapped in a job he dsnt like and he works hard and still he dsnt have enough money to just decide to get x or y when he wants to and it is something he struggles with...
he needs to go back to therapy but his entitlement hasn't reset yet and obviously we cannot afford private.
Because I dont/didn't know if it's paid off or not I cant/couldn't stop the £100 payment because of the financial ramifications. his credit ratingnhas improved and we need it to keep improving so we can get tout of the crappy area we currently like in. We bought a cheap house to get on the ladder and live in a area fully of drunks who are constantly arguing outside our house and being arrested....
I dont know if he knows how much effort I put into the budgeting but I'll make sure he does now... right now I feel emotionally wasted... I am not looking for people telling me to leave him as in all other areas I'm compleatly happy... he is a doting husband...he has been there at my darkest, through he'll and back with my disability and I love him.
He never lies about anything else, he's honest to to fault at times! Which is why when he lies a out finances it just so out of character compleatly...
This hard I just feel so hurt I need to be able to discuss it calmly yesterday was a bad day, the kids were awful...
We're having sleep regression with the 2 year old so bedtime is a battle which isn't leaving much time to talk so it may need to be tomorrow when my mil has the 2 year old.
But until then any advice on how to discuss this with minimal triggering to his mental health and with enough sterness to let him know this isnt OK, its wrong and how it's unfair to me ect
I am by no means going to let him off but I don't want to let my emotions make this worse!