Trapped in a nightmare I can't wake up from

[Olimar]

Everything is going wrong. I dont know whats real or not anymore. Too much thinking. Dont know which to listen to first. Started new meds yesterday, but dont think they are working yet. Need to find my way out of this, but dont know how.

First few days on new meds are often bloody awful — sending fortitude to get through it. Hopefully things will feel a little clearer when they start to kick in.

Hang on in there. Wait for the meds to do their stuff. Try not to panic. Try and concentrate on one little thing at a time. A cup of tea, a tv or radio programme, a magazine. Work on one knot at a time, rather than focussing on the tangled mess, if that’s how it feels. Gradually things will begin to straighten out. Is there anyone irl you can talk to?

I really hope so. I cant take much more. Feel like I'm going crazy. It wasnt like this last time. Or maybe it was. I dont know anything anymore. Dont even know when I last slept or ate.

@Olimar If you want to message me please do - I am here to listen and help any way I can. New medication can be a rollercoaster.

I can't wake anyone. It's too late now. Making a tea. But worried that will make it worse too. Now doubting I even took the tablets. Need to check if I threw them in the bin.

Ended up calling the crisis team again at 3.30am. No help at all, just made me feel shit for calling. Crazy thing is I don't even feel physically tired. Just want to switch my brain off. Have some peace from constant thinking.

Hope you managed to get some sleep. How's it going today?

No sleep at all again. I am trying and trying to tell people this is wrong. It should not be happening. But no one is taking any notice. Feel like I am completely losing my mind.

Do you have an appointment with the doctor soon to see how you're getting on with the new meds? It might be useful to keep a log of how you're feeling, in case there are subtle changes.

Yes it's tomorrow. But I can't wait that long. I need it to stop now.

What can you do to get through 15/30/60 minutes at a time?

At the moment I'm hiding in the woods waiting for them to phone

Sit, relax and breath.

It’s horrible not being able to distinguish between reality and if your asleep.

I found it easier to not fight it, I let it wash over me but sometimes it can take a while to end. Now I’ve managed to pinpoint when they are about to start and I can control it better and know when I’m awake or not.

New meds take a while to kick in. Good luck with it all.

Make sure you go to the doctors, I know it can feel like no one is listening or like there not getting it but the truth is it’s a mental state and your not the rational one right now.

It can feel like it’s so obvious things are not right so why can no one else see it, but that’s just how it goes…that’s why it’s called “mental” health.

Just keep hanging on and push until you find meds that work for you.

They said u have to be back in half an hour.so I had to jump. I need a qatery

yeah I'm the mental one, thats why no one listens to me. I know that already. Anyway I'm back home now, getting shouted at. Someones bringing my meds soon. So I have to accept its another night of no sleep for me.

I know it’s frustrating, I’ve been there, like living through a nightmare, it’s awful and I wouldn’t wish it on a enemy.

Whose shouting at you? Are you young?
Is there anything you can do to help you drop off to sleep? Maybe try a sleeping tablet, I know that can be scary if you haven’t taken one before, but they don’t keep you asleep, they just help you drift off and you can wake up when you want.

No I'm not young, I'm in my 40s. Everyone shouts at me, tells me I'm not trying, not good enough. I just switch off to it, but their cards are marked.

I had plenty of sleeping tablets in my time, mostly they don't do much. Knock me out for a couple of hours at most. Just had tonight's delivered, Promethazine, which does nothing except give me chest pains.

So my doctor's appointment didn't happen today for some reason, which really messed with my head even more.

But then the doctor phoned me instead and actually we had a very long conversation. About 45 mins and I got to say everything that has been happening.

She's going to increase me up to 3mg of the risperidone and switch me to zopiclone to help with the sleeping problem. Hopefully it will work, but feeling a lot better today, knowing I'm being listened to and someone is actually doing something to help.

Annoying about the appointment but great to hear you had a good long consultation with the doctor! Fingers crossed for the risperidone; I found it started to take effect quite quickly once I was up to a reasonable dose.

I think it was my fault the conversation was so long. I was definitely oversharing (I'm autistic) and very hyperverbal at the moment. The poor doctor didnt hardly get any chance to speak! Also it did weirdly help doing it by phone. I was in my own space, so not dealing with overwelming sensory input in an unfamiliar place and checking for escape routes. There was no people in front of me so i didnt need to focus on eye-contact and not doing anything weird. Instead I could pace and stim as much as I needed and give my full concentration to speaking and saying everything i needed to.

And the zopiclone worked last night. Got about 5 hours sleep I think. Can't remember the last time I slept that long. July I think. Got a lot of anxiety this morning, I have a GP appointment. Its for a 'medical' I've been told and they want more bloods from me because I'm not eating anything. But I don't know this doctor so my brain is going crazy again thinking about it.

Hooray for a sort-of-adequate sleep :) How did the GP appt go?

Very very bad

Well done for getting through it — it's important to keep up with your medical monitoring if you're taking meds like risperidone.