Having a wobble this weekend

[rhonddacynontaf]

I am autistic and have CPTSD, depression and health anxiety.

DH is away for work this weekend, and I'm home with DCs (3 and 7) having a wobble. I'm on antibiotics for a horrible sinus/ear infection and, while marginally better than I was two days ago, am still feeling a bit rubbish.

Infection has triggered all my anxiety (which had been so much better recently) and I'm very panicky, distracted and finding it hard to regulate my breathing. I just keep imagining something awful happening to me or my children and can't really get past it.

Kids are in garden/watching tv. Happy, clean, well fed and watered etc. It's just me that's the state.

I have to somehow get through until Monday by myself. Worried about tonight, and laying awake panicking. Worried about tomorrow.

You can absolutely get through this weekend OP.

Do you have any close friends or family nearby that can come round for a cuppa?

@Patapouf

You can absolutely get through this weekend OP.

Do you have any close friends or family nearby that can come round for a cuppa?

Nobody. I am good friends with NDN and have told them I'm home alone, so they are definitely on hand should anything awful occur. But I haven't got anyone who could pop in, and I can't really go out anywhere because my 7yo is autistic and I can't manage him and my 3yo safely by myself.

We have a lovely house and garden though, full of equipment. Playhouse, swing, slide, trampoline, mud kitchen, sandpit. Indoors trampoline. Sensory hideout. Plenty of food. It's just me that's shit. And I'm probably the thing they want the most.

You are not shit OP.

A good friend once told me that worrying about being a shit mum, is a sign a being a very good mum. It's stuck with me ever since and helps me get through those days.

The children are loved, looked after and cared for. So you don't go out this weekend. So what... call it a staycation to them and make it an adventure. Set them little challenges throughout the day. Who can jump the longest or the highest on the trampoline? Who can build the biggest sandcastle? They'll have fun because they're with you.

Close the curtains, put some films on and snuggle on the sofa. Stay in PJs all day. Whatever it takes to ease your anxiety just a fraction.

One little thing at a time. Would talking here help you?

@whycantIthinkofadecentusername

You are not shit OP.

A good friend once told me that worrying about being a shit mum, is a sign a being a very good mum. It's stuck with me ever since and helps me get through those days.

The children are loved, looked after and cared for. So you don't go out this weekend. So what... call it a staycation to them and make it an adventure. Set them little challenges throughout the day. Who can jump the longest or the highest on the trampoline? Who can build the biggest sandcastle? They'll have fun because they're with you.

Close the curtains, put some films on and snuggle on the sofa. Stay in PJs all day. Whatever it takes to ease your anxiety just a fraction.

One little thing at a time. Would talking here help you?

It is helping, thank you.

That's good. So tell me, what are planning on having for dinner tonight?

We're thinking of some kind of takeaway, perhaps Chinese food as we've not had in a while.

Trying to think that far ahead to dinner makes me anxious, like it's so far away and I feel like everything will be fucked by then.

That's ok, we can think of other things.

What are the kids up to now?

Do you have any hobbies you like to do or TV shows you like to watch?

I had a rough couple of hours but I survived. Going up to bed shortly, hunk DS7 wants to come in with me and have a cuddle, which I probably need more than him!

Those rough couple of hours are in the past now. You got through them and that's amazing. You're two steps closer to your DP coming home and everyone is ok.

Those cuddles sound a great offer. When you're up to it I can tell you some stories of our new puppy, aka ASBO dog. May make you smile, the nickname suits his personality.