I am trying everything I can but nothing controls my awful anxiety

[Thewholeshackshimmy]

I’ve had anxiety since childhood but it didn’t cause me massive issues until adulthood, since then it’s been up and down.
However, since hitting my mid 40’s (I am now 48) the anxiety is uncontrollable and unbearable. I spend every day with on and off panic, worry about so many thinks to the point that my mind is completely clouded by these thoughts, I am always 2 seconds away from crying, I have stresses in my life which I am greatly trying to manage but the older I am getting the less I seem to be able to manage the stress and all of this constant anxiety causes me physical symptoms, in particular digestive issues so I am stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety, panic, symptoms, worry about symptoms and on and on it’s goes.............
I have tried years of on and off CBT which has very little effect even though I plough so much effort into it, I’ve had endless counselling sessions, I have had several bouts of hypnotherapy, I listen to mindfulness but am often just too wound up for it to have much of an effect tbh, it often just irritates me. I am currently 4 weeks into seeing a psychologist for EMDR. I am trying, really trying to help myself but I feel like my poor mental health is taking over and I am losing control.
I eat ok, don’t touch alcohol or caffeine, I exercise, I go to bed at a reasonable hour (don’t often sleep well though and have weird dreams).
I am pissed off that I treat my body well yet still I suffer every day.
I also feel that my GP surgery (I say surgery as my allocated GP left so I end up talking to different ones each time), don’t take me seriously yet I am in turmoil every day, do I have to shout and scream for them to listen and take my seriously? During the last appointment, last week the GP just said ‘oh you must be lacking serotonin!’ suggested CBT (again!) and that was that!
What can I do?
I dread the daytime and only look forward to evening so I can lay in bed in the dark.
The older I get the worst it is, my brain will not switch off and I am struggling to live normally day to day. I fear this is my future and it will never leave me.

Two things off the top of my head are you going through menopause? This can trigger PMDD which could explain the sudden worsening. my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9132-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd

Phone playing up
Second, you don't mention medication? I know it's not something everyone is comfortable with, but it can be used short term to allow mental space for therapy to work. EMDR is supposed to be very good for trauma, but it can take a while for it to be a positive experience.

Being as it has got worse in your mid 40's could it be related to peri-menopause? You are exactly the right age for it. There could be a physiological reason related to perimenopause that is causing it to have got so much worse. Anxiety and emotional disorder is common in peri-menopause, but if you have always had anxiety anyway, the hormonal changes of peri-menopause may have caused it to go into overdrive. You may find that HRT helps to get your anxiety down from this hyper state. Drs tend to stick in their own speciality and not consider other causes from other specialist fields. And menopause symptoms are notorious for not being picked up and treated as something else anyway.

I have life long constipation and it reached awful levels in pregnancy, I needed specialised treatment to manage it normally reserved with people with severe bowel dysfunction relate to MS etc! The consultant said as I had a poor functioning bowel anyway, pregnancy had just exaggerated that to extreme levels.

If the poor sleep you mention is in recent years, that may be peri-menopause related too.

So that would be my suggestion. Don't let GPs fob you off if you have regular periods and no hot flushes, many women go into perimenopause without those two symptoms. There is also the private practice Newson clinic, and Dr Newson has recently written a book as a guide to the menopause (not read it myself yet but have it on order). The Newson clinic is often hailed as the gold standard on menopause care and treatment.

There is a menopause board on mumsnet too.

Good luck, it sounds like you are having a really hard time without proper help.

I was also going to say to look into this as potentially a symptom of menopause and also to consider medication as additional support for all the amazing hard work you are putting into your mental health.

I applaud you for everything you have poured into this. You must be very strong to keep it all up. I expect you're also pretty exhausted by it all. The yearning for darkness you mentioned at the end sounds a bit like depression is creeping in, is this new?
Go back to the GP. If you are lucky enough to have private medical care through work or otherwise, now is the time to use it.
Good luck xx

I would hope that this has been covered by your CBT but have you tried a thought record? Thoughts are not facts, they are just random ideas that enter your head. You can't control what thoughts float into your mind but you can control what you do with them.

So you get a thought. Instead of accepting it as true, you put it on trial.

1. What is the evidence that the thought is true? Can you back it up with hard, objective facts?

1. What is the evidence against the thought? Often writing down a catastrophic thought and then reading it out loud can take away a lot of it's power (because it's patently ridiculous).

What's triggered the thought? Can you trace it back to something that has just happened? If so, can you distance yourself mentally or physically from the trigger?

If a good friend said your thought out loud, what would you say to them? Would you fuel their fears and lead them down a spiral of worry, or would you be reasonable and objective? Can you be your own best friend?

Hope this helps - I would also really recommend reading this book;

www.amazon.co.uk/Responsibility-Rebellion-Unconventional-Approach-Empowerment/dp/154450912X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Sorry - meant to post a link to the thought record;

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

Op I was also going to suggest menopause and ask you about medication. Duloxetine is good for anxiety, have you tried it?

It certainly sounds as if there's more going on that's worsening the anxiety so do speak to your gp about menopause and check out Davina McCalls documentary about it that aired recently.

You're not alone and with the right support it will get easier.

I agree with PP re: a) menopause and b) medication.

One way or the other, you probably need meds.

Thank you everyone.
I have thought for a while that I could be in perimenopause as I do have many other peri symptoms. The GPs I have seen so far haven’t really been on board with it though as I don’t have night sweats or hot flashes but as I am very anaemic due to gynae issues so am always cold so don’t experience many hot flashes.
I have tried antidepressants but they made me feel so much worse. Admittedly I only tried for a few weeks but felt awful.
I do think I need some kind of med now as this anxiety is starting to affect how I conduct my day to day living and I am a PA for a disabled lady and also care for my mum who has Alzheimer’s so I need to be mentally and physically strong which is something I really do not feel right now but how do I get through to the GP? Everything is over the phone and it feels so rushed, I don’t think they are getting just how bad I am, how can they when they are just listening to a voice and not seeing the anguish etched on my face? I just don’t know how to get through to them. I would go privately but sadly just don’t have the money.

I just wondered if you take the contraceptive pill?

The GPs I have seen so far haven’t really been on board with it though as I don’t have night sweats or hot flashes
I'm well in peri and don't have this. I wish GPs would stop with this rubbish! I don't now, maybe do some research/ read Newsons book to tell the GP you don't need this. Ask for a referral to a gynae clinic ( I had this due to vulva symptoms) or ask for bloods to diagnose peri. Perhaps just say I have this, this this symptom (including increased anxiety) and I want HRT to see if it controls this symptoms. From experience, I know that sometimes you need to tell the GP the treatment you need and argue your case vigorously.

My small suggestion is taking enough time to sleep will gives good rest to your body and doing meditation regularly will helps to control your emotion and feels. I hope you will be recover very soon.

My iron was low and l was getting heart palpitations which led to panic attacks as l thought that l was dying. Getting iron levels up stopped all that.
Exercise too helped but l would think you need meds as need to break the cycle.

Being anaemic always makes my anxiety a million times worse! Might be worth trying to get your levels up

GPs often finds it hard to make any sort of diagnosis or prescription when someone presents saying I just feel this this and this. What they really need, and the best way to engage them, is a diary. Ideally for three months.
I am not suggesting you wait three months while you build a diary before asking for help. Could you maybe rack your brains and retrospectively put a diary together to show time periods with more or less anxiety and other symptoms? Quality of sleep, mood, when your periods are, and any other hormonal type of symptom.
Things like migraines, insomnia, bloating, nausea, headaches, lethargy are all relevant

You may well find a different sort of therapy better than CBT as this only deals with symptoms not the underlying causes.

There's not just many different medications but groups of antidepressants that are completely different types of medication and work in very different ways.

The older antidepressants are called tricyclics, they often cause sedation as a side effect, taken at night this can help with sleep as well as anxiety.

There's also SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, Prozac and various other medications are in this category and several of these medications can be used for anxiety.

Others I have no experience with; Serotonin-noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), Noradrenaline and specific serotonergic antidepressants (NASSAs) and Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs).

It can take a bit of trial and error to find the right medication and even within the groups you may find one medication has a lot of side effects for you, but another works very well. That's been my personal experience.

This book was massively helpful to me when I felt the same way Anxiety: Practical About Panic: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Anxiety Disorder https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07YNF1TC3/ref=cmswwrcppapigltt_C0EPD0C8ANF440J1TTFN

I also know when I've been panicked for a long time there's usually a physical reason for it, ask to get your hormone levels checked as well as you thyroid and iron levels.

I feel very like you, really cross with myself and body for not bring able to hold it together like it used to. It’s so scary to go from a functioning confident person to a someone you don’t like feet much I haven’t found the answer yet and follow post with interest. I’m 52 and have frog like this fir last 5 years. I am peri menopause and started hrt about 2 - 3 years ago - it has helped a bit and have no idea how i would be without it ! Maybe worth a try like others hog swears didn’t feature but brain fog, anxiety depression and tiredness did But stay strong.

I would revisit medication. This level of anxiety is untenable and it will give you a rest. It doesn't cure the anxiety of course but it does make things easier - like a plaster cast doesn't heal your leg but means you can walk around on it.

Sometimes you need to stick with a medication for more than a few weeks to see how it works, and @LunaAndHerMoonDragons's post is also good advice.

I haven’t read the full thread but DS’s anxiety vanished completely after many weeks of good quality probiotics (along with a healthy diet to support it through prebiotics and low sugar ). His was fairly crippling at times.
The fact you mention digestive issues too makes me wonder if your gut health could be at the root of or worsening your anxiety as there’s an extremely strong link to the brain. It’s interesting to look up on you tube as I’m riveted how important microbiome are now.

I do hope you can get to the bottom of this