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Parents of depressed kids/teens? (potential TW - attempt suicide)

5 replies

Bubbleswithsqueak · 06/09/2021 15:51

I have been reading the 'parents of anxious kids/teens' thread for a little while, and wondered if there was anyone who would like something similar for kids/teens with depression?

My autistic DD15 is waiting for a CAMHS referral after her first but very determined suicide attempt last week (have NC because she knows my username). She has made huge progress just in this last week, but what is becoming more and more apparent is how incredibly low her mood really is and has been for a long time. As an autistic girl she is an expert masker, and hid the reality of how she was feeling (as well as her plans for a suicide attempt) incredibly well.

She had started some CBTi to try and work on her sleep about 8 weeks ago (privately), so luckily there is someone involved who she has at least the beginnings of a relationship with. He suggests that alexithymia (inability to name your own emotions) is a significant factor, so we are concentrating on psycho-education for now, as well as establishing a routine and making sure that she gets out once a day minimum for a walk. Small steps.

Not hopeful that CAMHS will be any use, but very happy to be proved wrong. School and the GP have been amazing. Not sure if/when she will make it back to actual school, but there is county funding for her to access online provision if she is unable to attend face to face.

At the moment she says that she would rather not be here than be here, but isn't making any active plans for another attempt. She is eating at least one meal a day, and is mostly showering, although it takes until late morning/lunchtime for her to really make it downstairs. She is off the internet, and is mostly reading, with a little bit of model building sometimes.

Where we are now feels bizarrely manageable - just a little bubble of eating, sleeping and dog walking - but the journey ahead to get her back into education, seeing friends, just 'living' seems like a long and difficult one. I feel like such a shit parent for not understanding what was happening. I have just launched a big new project at work, and the guilt at not being present enough to spot her distress is huge. I am so so sad at the lack of joy in her life, and the difficult road ahead of her into adulthood.

Sorry for the long and incoherent post - is anyone else going through this? Or been through it? Or are there any adults who have suggestions for strategies that might help in any way?

OP posts:
JoyOrbison · 06/09/2021 16:01

After waiting 9 months we got dc to a camhs referral (not helped by the crisis nurse for getti g to submit all the paperwork to push the referral).

Private counselling failed miserably and we removed dc phone to restrict online access, blocked lots of things we had prev assumed were safe (eg using 'pins' on Pinterest as gateways to anonymous chat rooms) and having a payg phone, laptop usage heavily monitored and only social online access is schools teams forcing dc online to interact with their face to face friends as their online world has been hopefully blocked, I was dreading this summer break but it hasn't been too bad, the boundaries have limited any issues and forced dc to communicate with people at school and take the risk of being ignored, declined for meet ups etc which was and still is a big part of their confidence and anxiety.

We still have a long way to go, still remove a lot of items for safety, but we try to encourage them to chat more with us, meaning one if us will stay up much later than we want to so when younger siblibgs ar in bed that is when dc seems happier to have chats with us.

1leapforward2back · 06/09/2021 19:26

You are welcome to join us on the parents of anxious kids/teens thread if you want, there are parents of DC with a variety of needs on there - anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, mood disorder, ASD, ADHD...

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Make sure you look after yourself too, as you can't help DD if you don't look after yourself.

Has DD had blood tests specifically to check vitamin D and B12 levels? Low levels of either can exacerbate depression. Would DD take a multivitamin?

As well as the medical needs tuition have you applied for an EHCP? Therapies can be included in them as well as educational support.

And if you haven't already applied for DLA you should do.

Bubbleswithsqueak · 06/09/2021 19:26

9 months @joyorbison? Bloody hell. School were hopeful that DD would be seen pretty soon due to the severity of the attempt. I'm not hopeful they will be able to do anything as DD doesn't speak to people she hasn't met at the best of times, never mind when she's in crisis. I don't know how good the private counselling will be, but I've been impressed so far - he is at least managing to get her to engage a bit.
DD has a great group of friends, but she's not really interested in meeting up with them or having any kind of social life. She's the opposite really - it's that stuff that stresses her out!
We have removed internet, but she has her phone on trust at the moment so we'll see how that goes... She uses her phone to read on, so removing it completely would be pretty devastating.
Just ordered some vitamins and iron - grasping at straws probably...

OP posts:
Bubbleswithsqueak · 06/09/2021 19:28

Cross posted @1leapforward2back!
Thank you - might well join you on the other thread. Have just ordered multi-vitamins. Not sure if we'd get her in for a blood test but it might be worth a try.
I hadn't even thought about an EHCP - that is a great idea. She gets some DLA, but I might put in for a higher rate...

OP posts:
1leapforward2back · 06/09/2021 19:36

If DD won't go for a blood test I would add in extra vitamin D as well the multivitamin if DD will take it. The multivitamin alone is unlikely to have enough as she is likely vitD deficient.

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