Hi guys.
Advice needed. I’ve been with my partner for 12 months on Friday, minus 4 months break due to a horrible divorce with his ex wife and her weaponising his children should he stay in a relationship with myself..not that I am a bad person nor broke up the marriage, just that she was not happy he had moved on and I suppose I took away as she says ‘Her Chance of ever making the marriage work from a distance’
Anyway, I broke it off between us and we tried for 4 months to stay apart but after 4 months he couldn’t bare it any longer and had to tell her we were together and that’s where his heart belonged…He Is a active fire fighter and suffers with severe anxiety and periods of deep depression, He came off his medication back in January and lasted until October this year until he realised he really needed them.
He’s been back on them 3 weeks now but seems so different, He’s tired by 8pm and will sleep heavily through till the next morning, or he is waking most nights with night sweats, unable to switch off, very distant with me but he says he isn’t, this weekend has been hard as he seemed emotionally unavailable, he can only handle a couple of glasses of wine and he’s tired and ready for bed, I understand this is potentially down to his medication and also the anxiety also, I’m 💯 by his side and even though the situation with the divorce and not seeing his children as often as he wishes is really hurting him I try not to make a big deal off his ups and downs but at times it’s making me confused as to is it just his medication affecting him or is it her ways of exploiting his anxiety and the fact she’s making it very awkward for him when he comes to see the children by being cagey and knowingly making his anxiety worse, or is it again the fact she’s making it so hard for him to be happy with me he’s slowly disconnecting himself from us, I’ve put across all 3 scenarios to him hoping he would diffuse my own anxiety and he very openly just discussed the fear of her stopping any contact with the children consumes him but also the worry he has in regards to her making him feel so anxious when he arrives to see the youngest one worry’s him.
She knows we are a item but he doesn’t ever allow her to know when we are together as he knows that will start her angry tantrums.
I know he suffers with his ‘illness’ as he calls it and as I’ve said I will stand behind him and be there through every last waking moment but I’m so scared myself he’s going to just give in her ways for a easier life I’m now making myself deeply anxious and unable to focus due to the fear I’m going to loose him or end up hurt again.
I’m sorry if this comes across as me me me as I don’t mean for it to be but that is how I feel I’m being and I don’t know if I should reign In on telling him how I feel as I will add to his anxiety or do I still put it across when I feel like a little bit of a push over when she gets to click her fingers and he runs to her demands and I get a measly 2 hours twice a week in the evening and then he falls to sleep.
Im hoping it’s just his medication kicking in and it’s not based on his feelings towards us.
Any advice on how I can handle the situation would really be appreciated as I just want to be the woman who stands by him not makes it worse. He comes back from work to me 2 nights a week, Dinner is on the table, wine is chilled and ready, there is a bath run for him and I wash and scrub him, or there is a hot tub ready and a relaxed evening planned of massages.
I really really do pull out all of the stops for him and suddenly this last week it’s just been disinterested by him, just dinner and a glass of wine and to sleep by 9.30.
Our sex life is great but even that’s been a chore this week rather than exciting and passionate.
Edit - He is on 50ml once a day of sertraline. X
Thank you for reading x