Used to be happy

[BennyBean]

I used to be a happy sociable person in our previous house, but then i suddenly started to think about the past just silly little things about living in the old house that have built up, I hate the house we live in now but was settled for the first 3 years but i am experiencing strong sellers and buyers remorse we downsized because we are getting older and thought it was the right thing to do it has made me go on anxiety medication which i have been on for a while but the thoughts of my former home will never go away we have put lots of money into the new property which we wouldn't have had to do if we had not moved so cannot afford to move again we have nice neighbours but noise problems at night not due to neighbours but the area i hate myself every day for instigating the move my partner doesn't know what to do or say to me i feel really bad for upsetting our home life but don't know how to make it right has anyone been through this or some advice please

Oh this sounds really painful, I worked for an estate agent many moons ago and I remember a couple who moved and then regretted it so much that they sold the new house and moved back to the old one which they hadn't sold yet. It's a bit extreme but it obviously does happen.

It might help to remember that you are still you no matter where you are. A move is a big event and can cause stress even when we think it's what we want. You mention being happier and more sociable in your old house, are you lacking social connection in your new place?

Do you have a room or even a corner of a room where you are now that you could focus on creating a space just for you where you feel really comfortable?

@rainbowninja

Oh this sounds really painful, I worked for an estate agent many moons ago and I remember a couple who moved and then regretted it so much that they sold the new house and moved back to the old one which they hadn't sold yet. It's a bit extreme but it obviously does happen.

It might help to remember that you are still you no matter where you are. A move is a big event and can cause stress even when we think it's what we want. You mention being happier and more sociable in your old house, are you lacking social connection in your new place?

Do you have a room or even a corner of a room where you are now that you could focus on creating a space just for you where you feel really comfortable?

Hi thank you for taking time to help, i have social connections in the new house but find it hard to be my cheery self when in company because of my thoughts although we have our same furniture and have decorated the same it no longer feels comfortable i keep finding faults i no longer want to go into the garden because i hate the look of the outside seeing the houses in the back garden looming over us i did worry about that at the time we bought but we had sold our house and wanted a bungalow which not often come onto the market my partner has said if i don't get better he is wiling to look in the spring at the property market but i feel i am forcing him into it when he likes it here i have got a bedroom with a desk and nice area to sit in but then i look out the window and see houses so close the curtains

Ah I see, so the main issue is the location of the bungalow and how close it is to other houses? And are you not able to be so cheery with other people because you are worried about what they are thinking?

the position to the other houses is a problem i don't think i worry about what people are thinking but i have noticed they don't seem impressed with the house one person said to me i can't believe you've moved that didn't help, i just can't seem to get interested with mixing or talking because the way i feel if i go out i think about the fact i will have to go back to a house and area i don't like the front is fine on a nice street but as soon as i go into the back my heart sinks just regret moving i suppose

Can you plant a beautiful tree or two in your front garden, to breakup the view of the houses opposite - a magnolia, an acer or rowan or flowering cherry or plum - one that has all year round interest. Put bird feeders on it too, so there's something else of beauty to draw your eye in before you look at the other houses.

If the back is overlooked, could you plant some bamboo or similar, to grow tall but still let light through?

Create little focal points of interest in the house - a chair by a window with throws, cushions, a lamp a small table with flowers on - staged to draw the eye and look beautiful and also comforting and restful.

Remember, you have been through a hellish couple of years in the new place. Don't blame your house for lockdown - we're all sick of the sight of our homes right now. Plan a few breaks from it - weekends away, holidays, residential courses. You could even do some tough stuff - long hikes in cold wet weather, so you associate coming home with the comfort of a warm bath, hot tea etc - and start responding to the house as a welcoming place.

Hi leavesthataregreen thank you for the tips the front is fine we have planted trees and it's got a nice view it's the back that's the problem so we have planted a mixed edge along the back that is about 6 ft now and planted 4 trees in the garden and have a nice small conservatory with wallpaper and sofa but everything looks so brown with the dark houses at the back i don't think i am ever going to be settled here i know lockdown has caused a lot of people to feel this way we have decided to see the winter out and then see how i feel in the spring if i am feeling like this now and i get better there's a chance it could come back at a later date and effect me more when it's definatly too late to move thank you for spending time talking to me it does help that someone has