Stuck in a crisis

[Crazycakelady17]

I have long standing mental health problems caused by years of CSA and taking the abuser to court a few years ago.
I do have a good support network been seeing a psychologist weekly for over 18 months even through lockdown, I see my mental health nurse once a week and have a mental health carer who comes twice a week.
I know I have a lot more support than some people and I am grateful I really am.
I stupidly requested my mental health notes back in May when I was relatively stable they finally came through last week.
Just seeing all the reports and pages and pages of quite graphic things triggered a decline in my mental health were it escalated to me being put on a 136 section so they could assess me at the hospital I was there for over 9 hours with two police officers.
Luckily they let me home early hours this morning with just a we will increase your CMHT I feel so low I literally won’t dress for days or shower I don’t sleep and drink too much I definitely wed to tackle this
My Anxiety is through the roof can’t leave the house only to my psychology once a week.
My husband is away this weekend on a Army reunion back were we used to live so I’m on my own I
Asked my mum to have my DD on Friday as I didn’t want her seeing me that unwell.
I don’t really know why I’m
Posting here I know I have a lot of support and feel I need to get a grip

Wow you are lucky to be getting a high level of support, four times a week you see someone, I didn't have that even at my worst. Perhaps that hasn't helped as it will make you more reliant and recovery is about independence.
What's your mental health condition if you don't mind me asking?
Do you work? Having some structure may help. How old is your DD?

I know I do and I truly am great full I wouldn’t be here I honestly think if I didn’t have this support but your right it’s a catch 22 situation take away some of the support and chances are my mental health will decline but over reliance is a thing I’m wary of,
I’m undergoing EMDR at the moment with my psychologist.
I am diagnosed with CPTSD,anxiety, depression.

Forgot to say no I don’t work haven’t since the trial a few years ago I was sectioned a few times and honestly I can’t leave the house apart from once a week,
My DD is 11 she’s going to high school next week

Just because others in need have less help does not make your situation any easier at all, @Crazycakelady17.
I can only imagine how upsetting reading your files must have been. Hopefully that was a one-off massive trigger that you can gradually recover from. Sending

@Crazycakelady17

So sorry you're going through this but you're not alone and also, you're not crazy!

Diagnosis and treatment can be a trigger in itself and it's understandable that those memories would be unsettling.

I had a CPTSD diagnosis too and had some scary moments but the thing that had helped me most has been understanding that my hormones had got really out of balance and that I had food sensitivities that I wasn't aware of. There's a book called the anti-anxiety food solution. It took me a few goes at getting my head around it but the information seems to be sticking now and it's helped. You're welcome to pm me if you want to chat.