Grief over children growing up

[Pinklilly123]

This title probably sounds very dramatic but it feels really intense right now and I'm not sure what to do to shift this terrible mood. Some may say be grateful that you actually have children and I am, so grateful that I have my beautiful babies. My youngest ds3 starts school next Sept. I am only just weaning him from breastfeeding (his choice I was hoping he would self wean but he has other ideas)! The night weaning is complete now and I'm happy about that but it seems an era is ending. Dd (7) seems to have really grown out of the baby stage now and it trying to be all sassy and mature. It's cool I embrace it but I miss the days when she was little. Ds2 has just grown up so much and is less cuddly now and my eldest has had loads of issues and has moved out of the family home. So much change I guess. I can't help but feel overwhelming grief. I keep welling up. I look at other babies and feel so sad that thus phase is now ending and we are transitioning to a new stage of parenting that I almost feel I have to relearn as ds1 is so much older than the others. The last 10 years I have been mostly at home (work very part time) and dedicated my life to being at home as much as possible. All of a sudden I feel grief stricken. I have anxiety disorder so am likely ruminating and becoming a little depressed over the matter. I see pregnant women and feel sad that I will never know that excitement of my baby and all there is to look forward to. Its not that I want more babies as this won't solve it. I just want to go back and relive it. Anyone else feel this sad about transitioning? I have moments every now and again where I feel a wave of sadness about how quickly they are growing up but when ds3 starts school I will literally be alone all day and it feels weird. Almost like I'll be redundant or something? Just felt I needed to share and get it off my chest really

I felt the same. I think it's normal. But mine are 8 and 11 now and I am loving this stage.

You need to start making plans for the next stage in your life. You are obviously a terrific mum but children grow up and your job as a parent is to help them lead happy, healthy and independent lives. What did you do before you were a SAHM? What are you interested in? Do you need to earn money or could you volunteer for a charity or study?

Sorry to hear this op.i think it's completely understandable. My eldest 2 are teenagers and everything has changed. I have been feeling low remembering all the good times we've had together when younger that will likely never happen again. I went thru so much stress to recreate our old family holidays this summer as it likely be the last time being all together like this. And photos keep popping up of the fun we had aged 7, 8 or so when now they barely want to know. It feels awful that those times are gone. I'd give anything to experience one of those days one more time. Dh just doesn't get it

Oh I hear you. Loud and clear.

I find it so hard not to live in past memories and miss my adult children being small more than I can say. It is a strong feeling of grief and it washes over me at the most unexpected moments.
I am trying to train myself to embrace the here and now because failure to do so means you are missing the wonderful memories today holds.
Your children are really still v v young so dont waste these precious years. They fly by so fast as you well know already . X

I really feel this. Each and every September I feel sadnesses. The end of the summer and the start of another school year with the DC growing older. I don’t like this time of year at all.

Not alone OP. Mine are still young but they're growing up so quickly. I want to freeze time.
I'll be a mess once they're at school and no longer need me.

Completely with you. Mine are 5 and 2 and because I've just been through the school thing with the oldest, I'm almost wasting the time away with the youngest worrying about how long I have left with him before he starts school. Im putting the nervous energy into trying to think of a job I can do when they do start school

I have just waved mine off at the airport as they embark university life far away from us. My arm brushed against his as we stood for a last photo - he is the least tactile person ever- but I left it there, and I suddenly remembered cuddling him before school when he was crying. I felt so desolate. It’s crap but it’s the best we can hope for, if we consider the alternatives.

It seems I'm not alone. Sorry you ladies are going through this too. I currently work part time and am planning to increase my hours when they are all at school next year so plan to keep busy. It'll also equal more money and therefore more holidays and trips out. My work hours work around the children and I love my job, but I work with babies and up to 5 years old so worried that will make me feel sad seeing others going through the early years still while I'm missing it.

I saw some kids playing outside yesterday and nearly started crying! I think it's something that will always wash over you at times.

I do try and remember that half the time when DD's childhood was actually happening I was tired, pissed off, or worried about how I was going to get her to do her reading book or learn her times tables. It's easy to think it was all rosy and discard the reality.

I worry I'll always be in this state of utter depression. To be honest nostalgia is one thing but this isn't lifting. I'm starting to wonder if the reduction in breastfeed at night has triggered some sort of hormonal crisis.

I totally get it op.

It sounds like you've got a big age gap between your eldest and youngest DC. So you've probably had a good ten plus years of 'being mum' where most of your focus has been on young kids. I can imagine it's going to be hard to adjust to something different after that long.

I had a two year age gap. So once my eldest started at school, I was back to not being mum all of the time. My youngest is 6 and I love the age they're at now. Sleepless nights, nappies and buggies are all a distant memory. I do kind of feel sad that being a mum, pregnant and the baby stage is meant to be a big part of women's lives and I was done and dusted quite quickly. But at the same time, I wouldn't change it to have another. I love having my life back far too much.

I totally get now as DC are getting older.
That scene in Mamma Mia where Donna & Sophie are singing 'Slipping Through My Fingers' well after watching it for years with no problem, it made me cry when I saw it recently.

@pepskhoover I think you're right. My eldest is 17 and my youngest 3.5. I've been a mum since I was really young and I love it. I don't ever want it to end and for a long time I just felt it would always be this way and never even thought about them getting bigger. But now reality has struck me I think and suddenly I am in a panic questioning my identity. I love my career choice but in reality nothing feels more important to me than my children. They are my life and now they are becoming more independent I am feeling a bit redundant and feel that it won't be long before they are all grown up. I am seriously catastophising I've got years of parenting left in me yet, I think I've just realised that one day it will end and they will fly the nest. As I say, I've been a mum for years and years

@Pinklilly123 do not underestimate the effect of reducing BFing! I was a mess for a good while after weaning!

@Eeve really? That's reassuring although I'm sorry you experienced that too. It's truly horrible. I'm crying all the time and finding it hard to focus on anything. Feels like a depression. I had heard that the weaning process can be hormonal. How long did your weaning depression last for abs did you seek support? I can't imagine the GP would have any idea about this.