Struggling post miscarriage

[Newgirl21]

Just wondering how people cope/manage their emotions following a miscarriage.
It’s been almost 10weeks since, my period still hasn’t returned so I’m Losing hope in conceiving again anytime soon.
I feel lost and alone and sad… all the time.
My best friend told me she’s pregnant today and I’m so happy for her, however as soon as she sent me a picture of her scan I broke down - recalling the moment I was alone in that room, looking at my undeveloped baby without a heartbeat. Just when I think I may be healing- boom I’m back at square one. My Husband is lovely but doesn’t really know how to help, what to do and I feel like I’m closing down- even with him. 😔 how on earth can I get through this!

I've had 5 miscarriages but only ever had scans for one pregnancy. At 9 weeks Baby was measuring behind and also had no heartbeat. Yesterday someone showed me the scan pic of their 9 and a half week GC which had formation whereas My Baby just looked like a fuzzy line on the scan. Then she pointed out the bit on the scan that showed where the heartbeat was. I sort of just did the obligatory ooh and AhS at it. One friend of mines just had her Rainbow Baby and another Friend is due this month and I'm here hoping for a period so I can try again.

Sorry for your loss. We all grieve differently and there is no right or wrong. With my 3rd MC, I was at work the next day, as it helped distract me. Others couldn't do that.

Have you had negative pregnancy tests? Any bleeding still? 10weeks is a long time to not have a period. How far along were you? You might find it helpful to talk to someone. The miscarriage association have a help line to call if you need to speak to someone about your feelings.
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Thank you for your replies and for sharing your stories- I’m so sorry you’ve also experienced this.

I was 11.5weeks but our baby didn’t make it pass 7. @Elouera I had surgical management and stopped bleeding after 3days. Got a negative test after 4weeks.
Just to rub salt in the wounds I’ve had two false positive tests in the last couple of weeks each test then followed by a negative clear blue.
Thank you for the link, that’s really helpful. I’ve tried to call Tommy’s a few times this week but had no answer.
I know @HopingForOurRainbowBaby I just feel in limbo until my period arrives.

So sorry to hear you are feeling so sad, I remember that feeling really well and trying to put a brave face on over Christmas, a family Baptism and family get togethers, it was very difficult. But I just tried to keep busy and stay positive, didn't tell anyone at work and just allowed myself to feel whatever I had to feel. My Dr was lovely and signed me off for an extra week or so after the Christmas holidays and just put 'viral' on my note, so I was lucky I could just be sad and cry and then try and push on through. I remember being really upset when I got my next period-not sure why exactly but as if it was the period that shouldn't have been-but in a way it helped as I could look at dates and cycles etc which gave me something to focus on. I hope this happens soon for you, Talking to professionals as others have suggested might work for you? sending strength and don't lose hope x

Hi, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I have been through pregnancy loss, and getting through some days afterwards has been hard. Like you, it feels different for my DP and although he is sympathetic, he can't really relate.

One of the hardest things was hearing other people announce their pregnancies, so please don't feel like your reaction was disproportionate. There will be moments that absolutely floor you, but hopefully they will diminish over time.

What honestly helped me most was going on a break. Making new memories in a different place put some distance between us and the loss, as well as the place where it happened. Getting out of our house was the best thing I could have done. Even two days or so already made a big difference.

I also just try to accept that life is not going to be easy for a bit. It is natural to be devastated about it, as a miscarriage just is very painful. However, talk to your GP if you get worried about your mental health and ability to cope.

Hang in there, OP. You will get through this. Hope you will get a good night's sleep. Things always are harder at night.

Thanks so much for your kind replies, it’s helped me to realise that these feelings are more common than I understood.
I felt guilty for feeling so sad following such amazing news but I guess healing takes time and the scan picture was a trigger.

I’ve decided to try and put my negative energy into something more productive and focus on fitness. I heard exercise can do wonders for your mental health and fertility.

Thanks again guys, last night I was feeling really low and your replies helped me to feel more understood so Thank you x

I'm so sorry. I've been down this road a few times and it's so hard.

Just wanted to echo a PP and say allow yourself to feel how you feel. My friend lost a baby at 12 weeks and just decided to push herself harder at work to distract herself.

Me? I lost a baby at 6 weeks and I spent the next month on the couch with mind-numbing TV in the background so I didn't feel so lonely. Some would say losing a 6 week old is nothing. They're barely a speck at that age. But it was everything to me. I was already planning that baby's future. I knew how we would decorate the room. I thought about ante-natal classes and names and tiny baby clothes.

In short, I planned my future with that little one. So to some, losing a baby so early on wouldn't even "count". But I grieved long and hard over that one.

Then after a month of being curled up on the couch with the curtains closed, something magical happened. I suddenly thought of something that actually sounded fun. So I booked a cruise for my husband and I, and three weeks later we were exploring the Mediterranean. It was incredible. And funnily enough, we conceived our rainbow on that cruise... ;)

Just wanted to say you are part of an extremely supportive, personal, heart-wrenchingly beautiful club now. I would never wish a miscarriage on someone, but some of the most meaningful experiences of my life came as a result.

Sending love and hugs your way.

@PessimisticOptimist thank you so much for sharing your experience 💕 I’m so glad you got your rainbow baby! ☺️
Your right, one of the most difficult parts of this process was/is coming to terms with the fact that all of my future plans, the excitement of our family growing and the baby we wanted so much was just gone without any cause or reason.

Thank you for your kind words @PessimisticOptimist