really struggling - not sure how to make myself feel calmer and in a better space

[ineedtocalmdown]

I seem to spend my whole time on high alert, I used to be so confident and self assured in the last few years ive just got progressively worse. I think it started with peri menopause and im on HRT but my anxiety is sky high. I over think everything and don't seem to ever be able to relax. Its impacting my work now as my job requires me to be focused and physically work hard to and I juts cant keep it together. I feel tearful most of the time and like i'm on the edge. Occasionally I feel great but i'm feeling fearful far more than happy and relaxed.

I have OCD with a fear of harming people by my actions so covid has me on overdrive any sniffle even if negative let test has me convinced I could be passing it around. I spend my time petrified but trying not to show it.

I have tried CBT and I get the strategies I have a great counsellor but as its private I cant afford to see her as much as I would like. I try to get outside, try on line yoga as much as I can and try the calm app. I juts want to feel like me again and aside from being on a permanent holiday I cant see a way to feel this way. I work for myself so if I don't work I don't get paid. any advice anyone?

Aw, OP I feel you. Have been thinking along similar lines today - everything seems to be overwhelming me and I can’t quite work out why. I feel like I’m constantly trying to just ‘get through’ stuff, like I’m treading water, reaching my fingers out to touch something solid but I can’t get there. Can not rationalise away my Covid anxieties, which play on a loop backgrounding every other thought, or my other anxieties, despite understanding all the CBT theory. I can’t quite remember what it’s like to just be enjoying life and looking forward to things.

I suspect I may be perimenopausal too although I’m a bit young for it and haven’t seen a Dr. I do listen to a lot on menopause and wonder whether it’s worth you asking to try different form of HRT as it does definitely seem to help some people playing around to get right formulation/delivery method.

My feeling is that more than all the ‘wellness’ stuff (I get outside, move everyday, call friends, meditate, go to bed early, all that…) I need just more ‘life’ … like shows to go to and dinners and people to gossip with and flirt with and stories to tell - honestly my life has been lacking in this aspect for years and I don’t know what to do about it now… especially with the Covid anxiety I find even organising the most mundane things massively anxiety-inducing now.

I also think that to some extent this is all ‘normal’ - there will be heaps of us that feel like this to some extent or another. It’s kind of an understandable reaction to the world right now.

One other slightly random thought - i have a theory that things that let you experience proper adrenaline that comes with actual fear and then fades away again are good - somehow seem to break the cycle for a bit of being on constant low-level fear - maybe skip the yoga one week and take yourself sky diving or rafting or climbing not something instead???