Horrible depression can't seem to do anything about it

[ThePotatoCroquette]

Hi, I've been having really bad depression. I did get antidepressants but after taking two doses I felt really awful and so stopped taking them (I have had serotonin syndrome and was worrying this might be happening again). However, I only risked trying them again because I felt so awful. I'm not sure what to do but I'm worried I'm going to ruin my life if I don't sort it out soon. I'm barely holding down my job and the house is getting more chaotic and I just can't seem to get a handle on anything. I can't afford counselling and can't seem to get my arse in gear to eat better or to exercise or anything like that. I have reduced caffeine as I'm also really anxious too and I have been sleeping better so it's not just tiredness. Everything just feels pointless, joyless and like hard work. Just like everything has lots It's colour and flavour and everything, the world is just grey and stale and everything is a slog. Has anyone managed to get out of a funk like this without meds? Thank you for your help 😊

It sounds like you live in northern Europe!!!

So you sound utterly in the depths of it. It is awful this dark dark feeling. I don't know what seratonin syndrome is but I would not right off anti depressants. They are horrible for the first few weeks but after that you shoudl start to feel better!

Hi op, I have had a life long on/off battle with depression and anxiety so different circs but didn't want to read and run. I find self care essential, for me that means leaving the house once a day, putting music on, getting exercise. I have had SSRI before, but just 10mg now, so a low dose for me. Try the Samaritans if you just need to off load, sometimes I feel better if ive just put words to how I'm feeling. No way could we afford counselling sadly. Who do you have to support you? Try meds if needed, I had three types before finding the right one for me. Does any of that help? Also can you speak to your manager just to let them know? It's been a tough time so they might be able to help

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. My advice is to break things down into tiny steps. It's easy to get overwhelmed. Small achievements are big wins when you feel like this. It's ok to say no to things to. Give yourself a break from extra pressure and try to see the enjoyment in the simple things. I find nature to be very uplifting. Just sitting on a bench, eyes closed taking everything in, the sounds focus on individual sounds, rustling, birds, traffic, people, the smells. Feel the wind all over you. You can start in your garden. It helps you feel in the moment and not so alone.I hope you feel better soon. Medication can help but if a particular one is not for you ask to try something else.

Serotonin syndrome is a life threatening condition (although rare) that some people develop from mediations (too much serotonin) so I do have to be really really careful with medication. I'm not writing it off I have been on so many medications though and often have horrible reactions, or just no positives it's one or the other.

I have been having talking therapy or various kinds for years I have paid so much money to therapists and counsellors of all kinds and I still end up back feeling like this.

I have had my vitamin levels and thyroid checked, liver and kidney function, I don't do much official exercise but I do A LOT of walking and do quite a physical job. I eat enough protein, but a bit too much fat and sugar. So not an awful diet though I have been giving into takeaways more lately.

I just seem to be so un driven and unmotivated. I've been lax about bathing and not doing a proper dental routine just a quick brush, things like that whereas normally I make an effort with myself. No hair, no makeup. I've let my friendships slide completely and am barely holding onto my job and not doing great with my kids either just the minimum. I don't know how to feel like myself again.

So I ended up taking one half of my antidepressant last night and felt rubbish all day. Going to try and persevere though I don't know what else to do I can't seem to make any progress otherwise. Thanks for all your advice 😊

Hi OP.

I have had this kind of depression and got out of it.
The things that helped most were:
taking good care of myself physically - supplements, especially Vit D spray, plant-based (Floradix) iron tablets or liquid and Vit B complex; 5-8 a day, 2l of water or herbal tea a day;
having a really short routine in the morning where I said to myself: you don't have to want to, you just have to do it, and have a quick shower, clean teeth, put on minimum make up and brushing hair, then putting on clean clothes.
and
doing something new every day. Anything. Just do something you've never done before and write about it either in a notebook or a private blog. Keep a record and try to build up from small things (walking down a road you've never walked down, ordering a different type of coffee or buying a new scent of shower gel) to more ambitious things e.g.signing up for a free online course, trying a new exercise class ( you only have to try it once if you don't like it, not sign up for a whole term) It really helped to try things I thought I'd dislike or had no interest in (gigs of music styles I don't listen to, masterclasses in subjects I know nothing about etc. And also some that were a bit of a challenge such as swimming outdoors in winter or hiking up a mountain or learning a new language.

I won't bore you with all the other things I tried in order to get well. All the usual routes of online CBT, exercise, diet etc. But the do something new worked best partly I think because it opened the world up again with no pressure - I never had to do the thing again if I didn't want to. But also because I'm pretty sure it rewires the brain. In depression we seem to be on a short circuit loop of low energy, flat joylessness. New things make our brains fire up in new ways. You don't have to like something or enjoy it or feel better after it, just keep doing it every day and record its effect. You can just write: 'tried clementine bubblebath. too sweet. Not for me. Will give it to the kids'. Or a full diary entry with loads of detail. But do keep a record. I found it so therapeutic to look back and see the pattern of growth from being almost scared of ordering a different coffee or trying on a colour I never wear, to ending up doing some really courageous things and enjoying them.

There are atypical antidepressants which might be worth trying.

Ask about Valdoxan - I'm on this as I can't take ADs that act mostly on serotonin. My psychiatrist did a consult with a psycho-pharmacologist to find out what medication would be safe for me.

I'm feeling a bit like you at the moment because I found some things I wrote down 10 years ago and basically I still have the same issues! However I'm pretty sure I'd be worse without the meds.

Hi everyone, so I have been taking the antidepressants on half dose only for a few days and I actually feel a lot better already. I think where I've had a bad reaction in the past I just have a big anxiety about it and I did have side effects on the higher dose. A bit of nausea and tiredness on the medication but I think I'm a week in now and it's gone down a lot.

I have been finding some different things to do and also tackled some of the life admin and housework that had been building up. I let myself just eat crap last week and no exercise and get stuck into some tv series, but so long as I was cleaning up the house and having my showers, doing laundry, things like that. This week I am going to have a look at the food I'm eating and start doing my supplements like vitamin d spray and everything. I'm going to tackle some projects at home and spend some quality time with my kids. The last couple of days I feel so much closer and more bonded to them. Instead of shooing them away I am being much more affectionate and playful and fun again. I always cuddle them, but I don't always do it for that long or play, it can feel like I'm just going through the motions a bit when I'm really depressed.

Really glad things are looking up.