i have diagnosed BPD, anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, OCD and complex PTSD.
i feel like BPD is like bipolar on speed some days. i never know what i’m getting from one minute to the next - up/down/sideways, it’s like being on the world’s shittest rollercoaster.
self-harm is NOT one of the diagnostic criteria for BPD. i’ve just come out of a prolonged crisis where i collected stitches, A&E visits and one emergency surgery but this was due to a horrible confluence of life events. i know it’s not something that mentally well people do, but i also don’t directly relate it to my BPD. i’m under mental health services for a while and we’re gradually working through it.
talk to your GP. ask for a referral to secondary mental health services so you can at least be assessed and given a proper diagnosis. BPD is not the closed door it was even only recently for getting proper help. it’s evidenced that Dialectical Behavioural Therapy can be very effective (unless you live in my Trust area where there’s no funding for anything except basic support) and a lot of trusts are now developing Personality Disorder Strategies to best help service users with their mental health.
you don’t have to feel awful all the time just because you live with mental illness. medications can be changed,, some don’t suit you and others may be more effective. i take antipsychotics alongside antidepressants - if you’ve been given meds PRN for anxiety and are experiencing entirety, take the meds.
being diagnosed with BPD takes some processing but you do deserve a proper diagnosis. it’s certainly difficult to manage at times, more so until you’re in a good routine with therapy/meds, but please don’t worry about asking for help. you didn’t ask to have a mental illness or personality disorder and you should be treated with dignity and respect while you figure out what’s really going on with you.
here’s the link to NHS info on BPD diagnostic criteria. talk to your GP, someone needs to make a proper diagnosis to get you on the right treatment pathway.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/diagnosis/
wishing you all the best. there is always hope. it doesn’t always feel that way, but there is.