Sudden depression. Need some hope

[Loo234]

Hi,

I am really struggling right now and just need some hope that this will get better.

All off a sudden ( well I think it was a sudden) I have gone into a very dark place mentally, I have been signed off work, I don’t do anything with my day even the smallest tasks feel huge I don’t regognise myself in the mirror and have constant anxiety. This started around 3 weeks ago and is getting progressively worse. I’m withdrawn from everyone apart from my parents and one friend. I don’t have any children and I do live alone but have come back to my parents house.

Everything looks different , all the joy has been taken out of my life and I don’t know why!

I suffer from health anxiety and mild anxiety and always have done but never depression. The only
Other time this happened was when I was around 21 suddenly juet like this time. I never went on meds I had therapy and I was back to myself again but it did take about a year if I remember .although this time it feels worse.. much much worse.

I can barely get out of bed but I do force myself and my mind is plagued with negative thoughts.

I’ve even had thoughts that I am going mad and I’d be better off in hospital. This is awful three weeks ago I wasn’t like this. I look back at pictures and don’t regognise myself.

I don’t know what has triggered this.. I have been in a bad Rship on and off for over 4 years and had an abortion years ago etc which was quite forced upon me but even after all of that I didn’t feel this bad not even close.

I’m usually a very confident out going happy woman and now I don’t know what has happened to me and I’m scared I am going to be like this forever.

I don’t want to harm myself and I could never do that to my loved ones and i genuninely don’t want to but I feel utterly terrible.

Is this me now for life? Please say it isn’t

Can you start with sitting outside in the fresh air for a while today? Drink lots of water. You're not alone in this and when you feel ready, make an appointment to tell your go what you wrote here. I get days like this and find that if I say ok I'll put a load of washing on after this programme then I'll get a shower - it really helps me feel in control of the day.
I wash my hair and get dressed. It's a tiny start.

Give yourself a break too on the self criticism and critical thoughts. There is lots to be proud of in your life I'm sure if you started a list today of all you have done and then things you'd really love to do in a few months.

Small steps op. Get some lunch, sit outside, drink water and get a shower. Then countdown is on at 3pm it's fab. Spray and wipe the kitchen countertops and maybe take a little walk to the shop for something nice for tea.

I don't think it is. Things can get better again.

Can you ring your GP? You may not be keen to consider medication but you aren't feeling yourself and it's affecting your life and your work. They will hopefully offer you some "talk" treatment/therapy but there is likely to be a wait for it. If they can give you resources too, recommended websites etc, or you can find them yourself, perhaps it will help you in the meantime.

www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/ is one.

www.actionforhappiness.org/self-care-september

It might feel hard but can you try to set yourself some small goals, perhaps using ideas from above? Do you like being outside in nature, either enjoying your parents' garden or going for a walk? Both might benefit you.

I'm trying to deal with my anxiety at the moment and have had poor mental health in the past. Mine has worsened more gradually though. I can imagine so fast must feel scary and upsetting! Keep us updated, take care.

Thanks both for your lovely comments. I have done some washing and I am sitting in the garden now.

I did tell my GP last week and found her totally useless tbh she asked what did I want and did I want to be signed off work. Luckily I was already on the list for talking therapy since March ! For more minor anxiety issues so I had my assessment last week and I start next week. I really don’t want meds and I didn’t want them last time either. I have health anxiety so side effects etc and things like that are something I would ‘zone in on’ more than the average person.

My health anxiety has been spiralling aswell and I think that’s another thing that has triggered this. My friends think it’s my Rship issues but I’m not sure it is as I haven’t really even thought about that since feeling this way.

I don’t know if I have ‘ptsd’ of some sort about what happened when I was 21 cos I have always said no way can I go back to that place again and for 10 years have managed not to but now just feels so awful.

I haven’t been eating either

I feel better for sitting outside

That's OK! It's good you start seeing someone next week.

I do focus in on the side effects quite a lot but have been able to try a few ADs in the hope I can settle on the one that's right for me: right balance of side effects I can tolerate yet helping me too. Keep an open mind if after a few weeks you aren't improving much. So many people do get help from them (but of course not all). If things are really bad it could just be the supportive bubble/springboard you need to help you get through this and towards feeling better again.

It's no different really from taking other medicines if you are ill.

Not intending to talk you into it just something to think about.

It's good that you've started to think of a fix for yourself and you know what you would prefer. And it's great that you've taken time to just sit outside.

I found that just telling myself that this is my new start and that even if some days were harder than others, that is ok. I always feel better the next day after a 'blip' day. Always.

I had been diagnosed with ptsd due to witnessing parental abuse of my sibling as a child and once I had my own kids I kept getting bad flashbacks. Really awful memories.

So eventually after giving up the meds, I just simply told myself that I DESERVED to have happy days from now on, to put my needs first, that I am a unique special person

So I prioritise good sleep, daily treats, daily walks in nature, lots of water and a very very simple day to day.

It has done me the world of good to just simplify my life right down.

We don't need to carry the complications of others who were awful to us in the past/in bad relationships

It really is a new start for you OP. Get up, get a shower, get yourself nice beauty products, keep your living space clean and organised. Read a chapter of a book each day. Simple simple things.

Tell yourself each day that you are a special, intelligent person who can live a simple life and that's ok.

It doesn't need to be complicated anymore