Unsure about therapy/therapist

[mrsgrotbags]

Recent diagnosis of C-PTSD.

I have had a few sessions with psychologist. I have only had sessions with counsellors in the past (where I have felt like I'm just going around in circles and not benefited much) but I am surprised at how much direct advice is being given. Not being told what to do exactly but steered in certain directions (or that is how it feels). For example, have you thought of rambling, rambling is a good form of exercise, this kind of thing. I lead the topic of conversation (at least I think I do) but I sort of feel steered in a certain direction...though it is put in terms of these are the choices and if you choose x, then how are you going to manage it?

I feel like I don't always get the reaction I'm seeking. I might say x did this and it has affected my trust in them...I'm looking for therapist to say yes, I agree that was really unpleasant but I feel like in one situation, the other person is sort of being defended or their behaviour examined more closely. Although on another occasion when talking about someone else, I felt I was validated in my reaction.

I can't explain it totally. After only a few weeks it is helping me make some changes on a superficial level and I can't say it's without value. Not sure what I'm looking for really. I have on occasion believed the therapist to have felt slighted as they could on a basic level identify with the person I was talking about and again was a bit surprised by their reaction (they weren't overt as such but I could tell by a flippant sort of response).

Not sure I'm making much sense here. I suppose I'm trying to work out whether I'm just trying to take flight or whether something doesn't stack up. Early days so I've decided to stick with it. I think in a few months, it is unlikely that I will see any value with continuing with this particular therapist thought I understood therapy for C-PTSD is more of a long term thing. Maybe I just don't feel like I have the right rapport with therapist. Don't know.

Anyone?

I felt as if I made progress in therapy when I started being open about what i felt about what my therapist said. Oh God it was hard.

What would happen if you said 'I feel like you're defending that person and I don't like it. I'm here because you're meant to be on my side.' Or whatever it is you do feel. You might find it helps or you might not.

What qualifications and registration does he have? He doesn’t sound great tbh.

I'm in treatment with a psychologist for ctpsd. It is a long, painful process. I've been seeing her for 16 months. However, I felt from early on that she understood me and I came to trust her which I've never done with any other therapist. Hence why I stopped seeing them.
My suggestion is, if you feel confident enough, tell this psychologist how you're feeling about the therapy. And if you aren't reassured by their response, jack it in and try someone else.
A poor therapist is worse than no therapist IME

Thanks Permanent. I think I did say this..."I feel you are xxx," then there was a calm response in terms of something along the lines of 'I'm just exploring/looking at the whole picture' sort of thing. And then I feel kind of juvenile, that I've had such an emotional response. But perhaps this is all part of it (and part of my condition too). I want reassurance that I'm not over-reacting in one particular situation and I guess I'm not getting this affirmed and feel it's being diminished in some way.

Psychologist (Dr). It feels like a minefield trying to find someone...a bit like a needle in a haystack, very random.

A therapist should not make suggestions or steer you in a particular direction. I had a therapist a while ago who did this. She started making political comments and more or less telling me what I should do. Big red flag. Is this person on the BACP register? I would find another therapist. I dropped mine like a hot cake.

Hmm sounds quite evasive. Not ideal.

Do you know what sort of approach they are using?

Nothing as overt as politics Swimming, more like have you thought of taking up x when talking about the subject of exercise? I told therapist why I hadn't thought of taking up x and dismissed suggestion. Therapist has told me snippets about themselves. I told them I didn't like 'bread' (for example) and they agreed they didn't like it either.

What struck me is that it's a therapist's role not just to affirm your reactions but sometimes to gently encourage you to examine your reactions, so perhaps that's what they're attempting to do. On the other hand perhaps they're just not a good fit for you (or even not very good at their job), it's hard to know from what you've written.

What struck me is that it's a therapist's role not just to affirm your reactions but sometimes to gently encourage you to examine your reactions, so perhaps that's what they're attempting to do.

Yes, this is why I'm wavering as to my reactions and possible flight from therapist.

I feel like I need therapy to deal with the therapy I'm receiving.

@SwimmingUnderwater

A therapist should not make suggestions or steer you in a particular direction. I had a therapist a while ago who did this. She started making political comments and more or less telling me what I should do. Big red flag. Is this person on the BACP register? I would find another therapist. I dropped mine like a hot cake.

Why would they be on the BACP register? Practitioner psychologists are covered by the HCPC and the BPS.

This is the work you need to do - you need to tell your therapist what you would tell that hypothetical "second therapist" that you would discuss your therapy with.

It is the development of a capacity to reflect with your therapist on what is going on in the relationship between you and her/him, that will help you.

Thanks Bumpsadaisie. At the moment it feels as if I can't (for now) change certain circumstances that are affecting me for various reasons, so, let's look at how you can distract yourself to live the best life you can. This is my take on it. I've got a lot of stuff to sort through both current and historical and no doubt there is a link between the two.

No, I think you need to tell your therapist all the things you have told us on here:

• I have been surprised about how much advice you give me - I haven't experienced this before and this makes me question how competent you are
• I am hoping that you will affirm or validate my feelings and sometimes when you don't it really hurts
• sometimes I feel I am telling you about difficulties with people and it feels like you are "siding" with the other person

HTH and best of luck

I see what you're saying Bumpsadaisie but I keep remembering what was said at the beginning along the lines of feeling like I can work with her/feeling comfortable. I think I feel that if I express all of this stuff I will be rejected...well we can't work together type of thing and end up feeling abandoned or something (childhood experience) as I already seem to be feeling quite negative yet look forward to going because at least I am being listened to (something I don't have in everyday life). It all feels like a bit of a minefield. I have searched up another alternative/possibility just in case this all goes wrong.

@Mrsgrotbags

I see what you're saying Bumpsadaisie but I keep remembering what was said at the beginning along the lines of feeling like I can work with her/feeling comfortable. I think I feel that if I express all of this stuff I will be rejected...well we can't work together type of thing and end up feeling abandoned or something (childhood experience) as I already seem to be feeling quite negative yet look forward to going because at least I am being listened to (something I don't have in everyday life). It all feels like a bit of a minefield. I have searched up another alternative/possibility just in case this all goes wrong.

I think that feeling is what is interested - that if you express this you will be rejected. It is quite reasonable that you should feel like this, like the only way to stay connected to someone is to keep your negative feelings far away from them.

I think you you have an idea that if you express any difficult feelings, these won't be able to managed in your relationship with the therapist and the relationship still survive?

Instead if you feel or say these things someone - whether you or him/her - will have to abandon the relationship?

You have a mixed experience of your therapy - something that makes you feel both positive feelings of being listened to properly, and also negative feelings (as above).

Those negative feelings don't mean you can't work together. They are the work, being able to discuss them and see that the relationship survives, that your therapist can bear them.

I think you are already feeling negative feelings, which is making you think that this relationship can't last, and you are already predicting the end of it and looking for alternatives .

No relationship can be without negatives. You can feel violently negative and positive about the same person.

Being able to hold good and bad/positive and negative together and manage both - is the road to psychological and emotional health. Takes A LOT of working through to achieve though - perhaps always a work in progress throughout life!

Good luck.

How did you get diagnosis OP, out of interest?