Can’t cope after breakup

[Ashmarie]

My partner of 8 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We have had a hard few years (health issues and bereavements) and we’re both depressed. He decided that we needed some time apart to work through things separately, and then we would take it from there. This came out of the blue for me. On top of everything else, this feels unbearable. I didn’t see it coming, I knew we had things to work through but I thought we were tackling it together. On top of this, my bills have doubled overnight (he isn’t contributing for the time he isn’t here) so I no longer can afford the therapist I’ve built a good relationship with. I also have no spare money to do the few things that bring some happiness. I feel backed in a corner. I had a hard night last night and lost control. I was horrible to him - I texted him calling him every possible horrible name I could think of, I called him abusive. It was childish and I feel deeply ashamed. I had this feeling of complete desperation and I wanted him to understand how hurt I am. Now I feel even worse, I can’t possibly see that we have any future after everything I said.

I feel so low. I have for a long time, but now I can hardly move. Has anyone come out the other end of this? Can I survive this? It feels hopeless right now and I’m not sure I want to be here any more.

I felt this after my 28 year marriage ended. I remember my first night in my rented house with barely anything thinking how do I get through this? I'm two years on now and my life is totally different. I never thought I would get here. I too contemplated ending it as I just couldn't see a way forward. Your grieving your relationship, allow that to happen and all the emotions it brings, it's painful but it's part of the healing process. It takes time, you have lost the life you had for eight years and entering a new era. It's scary! Can you get benefits? You sound like you need to prioritise the counselling so can you economise in other areas to afford this? I lived on £950 a month and just covered all my bills and rent (I could have got benefits but chose not too), I just lived a simple life. Have you got support of friends and family? Reach out. You can do this, things will get better, you will find strength you never knew you had

@freeandfierce thank you for your message, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. You give me some hope that things can get better. I wouldn’t qualify for any benefits. I keep trying to find perspective as there are many people in a much worse position and I’m lucky in that I can keep a roof over my head. Our outgoings were based on two full time salaries and while I can cover it, it leaves no wiggle room. We moved two years ago - it seemed like the right thing to do, we had been through so much we wanted a clean break and a fresh start. Now I just feel so alone, my family are hours away and I don’t have any friends here. Maybe I will start by seeing what I can cut back on to try and find the money for counselling. Thanks again for your message.

You will make connections, I move to a new area, new job and left everything behind. My adult children wouldn't have any contact. All my family are in Australia. I was also in recovery from cancer. Slowly I have made a couple of friends despite lockdown on my own! I know it seems an impossible mountain but you will get to the top, I guarantee you'll fall over a few times on the way up! I always think heartache is a genuine physical pain of the worst type. It may not be clear now but you will look back one day and understand why this happened.