Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

sad,glum,fed up,gloomy.Cheer me up please?

13 replies

alexsmum · 09/11/2004 17:42

I am feeling so low this afternoon/evening, and I just keep feeling like I'm about to cry.Dh is away as usual, and has told me that he thinks it's going to be a full week this week.My ds1 has got the whinges and is moaning over everything.And I just haven't the patience.
I spoke to my bf on the phone earlier and found out she has started smoking again after giving up a couple of years ago and seriously I wanted to cry my eyes out.
Hate dh being away all the time. Feel like i'm always the last mum in the park in the afternoon because I'm putting off going home.I'm not pre-menstrual either!
dh was saying that one of his colleagues who has been doing this job for 4 years is getting divorced.I could totally understand why.I never thought I would only be seeing my husband at weekends.

OP posts:

Goldfish · 09/11/2004 17:53

Hi, sorry you feel so sad, you have my smpathies. Ny dh works away for 2 weeks at a time on the oil rigs, so I am left alone with my 2 dss. It is hard and can be very lonely. I think it is harder this time of year as it gets dark so early and you get stuck indoors. Dh has been away for xmas before and I hate it. The money is good but thats not everyhing is it? I don't know how old your kids are but mine are a bit more company now they are older, 9 and 11. Just wanted you to know you are not alone and at least we have MN for company.

Original poster

alexsmum · 09/11/2004 18:03

Thanks gf.My boys are 4 and 14 months,into everything.At least I know he won't be away for christmas.
The pay is ok but nothing great and certainly nothing special for the industry he is in.At least if he was being really well paid I could console myself in a 'oh well,at least it pays for xyz'kind of way.But I can't! we're always skint and I'm looking at jobs that need doing in the house and no prospect of them getting done in the forseeable future.But that wouldn't matter if he was here.I really miss him.
This is pathetic isn't it?I know there are lots of people much worse off,but it doesn't console me i'm afraid.

OP posts:

Goldfish · 09/11/2004 18:30

No its not pathetic. Your boys are still young and rely on you all the time and it is hard on your own. Dhs money isn't fantastic but it is a lot better than it would be if he got a job around here. He loves the life he has though and always admits he thinks I have it much tougher than him. Now my boys are older I work part time, in a school luckily, so I get the holidays off. It not only helps moneywise for extra treats etc, it also keeps me sane as I get to mix with other adults and have made a lot of friends there. Even though he didn't want me to work I did anyway . Perhaps it will be better for you when your 2 older and you have more freedom. I must admit I found it terribly hard when mine were younger. I loved being with the boys but when they go to bed in the evening it was really lonely. Mine obviously got to bed a lot later now and I am shattered by then so I am glad they have gone. I really am sorry you are feeling so down. How long has your dh been working like this?

Original poster

alexsmum · 09/11/2004 19:07

it's been a good long while now.I know it started when I was pregnant with ds2, but it wasn't AS bad as it is now.iyswim.He basically is working on a project for a client and has to be were his client is.Which just happens to be the opposite end of the country.
I feel like his company make unrealistic demands of him.It's like they think his life should only be work and that's it.We had a big argument about it all about a month or 2 ago and we reached a really good compromise..away half the week and home half the week.He appointed a deputy for the two days he wasn't away and the first time she went to a meeting for him, he got comments along the lines of'why aren't you here all week?'.I wish I could go up there and shout at them ' because he has a wife and two small children, that's why!!!'
And to top it all off, I just sat down on the sofa and the springs broke!!! oh woe is me!!!(lol)
Gf how do you cope with being alone two weeks at a time? I really admire you for coping .

OP posts:

Goldfish · 09/11/2004 19:21

I have done it for such a long time now and I don't know about coping, sometimes I just survive. Ds2 is v hard work when dh is away as he gets on with dh so well and seems to take it out on me when he is away. I've also got better at enjoying my own company but after the first week I am bored stiff. I still have another week to go now. Btw your poor sofa, its always the same though, dh goes away, car breaks down, washing machine breaks down, its a wonder I don,t.

Original poster

alexsmum · 09/11/2004 19:32

poor dh.he is due home tonight at some point.he's going to be greeted by this weepy wife moaning on about everything and then adding ' and the sofa is broken too!!' weep , and wail!!
my ds1 still hasn't got used to his daddy being away and we usually have lots of tears at bedtime because daddy isn't there to read to him or whatever.

OP posts:

Goldfish · 09/11/2004 20:08

I don't think children ever totally get used to it. Ds was 11 last Saturday and got upset as dh was away on his birthday- again. I actually went into labour with ds 1 while dh was away. Thats the sort of thing i hate, birthdays, anniversaries, xmas etc. Try and have nice night with dh tonight, although I must admit i always find it hard when ds first gets home as he is always shattered and I am ready for anything!

Lonelymum · 09/11/2004 20:12

Can I join this moan? My dh is due home tonight, but he is not here yet. Also, he is away tomorrow night. He only goes for one or two nights at a time, but it is every other week at the moment and long hours at work the rest of the time. I have four children aged 8 down to 20 months. Boy, it is hard. I really don't want to live like this.

Goldfish · 09/11/2004 20:49

At least whem my dh is home he is home for 2 weeks at a time. It is all or nothing with us. I sometimes think I don't want to live like this but is it because the grass is always greener? There seems to be a lot of ladies with dhs working away, which is a shame for the kids.

Original poster

alexsmum · 10/11/2004 18:22

hi lonely mum and goldfish.Well, dh came home last night and the kids just went loopy! ds1 was just really excited and and jumping about, but ds2 just went bonkers and cried and cried and cried everytime his dad turned away from him.dh ended up cuddling him all night and sleeping with him all night too.It is so hard.
he's home tonight and then he goes away again tomorrow until friday night.So I get to see him one day in a week!!! outrageous!

OP posts:

Goldfish · 10/11/2004 18:31

aah, your poor ds2. It is so hard at that age, they just don't understand do they? Mine are philisophical about it now. We do have extra holidays and things now I am working, but I just tell them dad is away to earn money for us. I remember when ds1 was about 7 and he used to say why can't my dad just have a normal job like my friends and come home at night? Now though his best friends dad works on the oil rigs as well ( amonth away and a month at home - couldn't stand it!) so he realises we are not the only ones and is more accepting.

Original poster

alexsmum · 10/11/2004 18:52

its funny ds2 is fine when his dad is away, it's just when he comes back that he 'notices' that his dad has BEEN away iyswim!!!he's only 14 months , so he has no concept.I guess he just has a feeling of what's normal and not.
no way I could cope with a month away at a time!!!

OP posts:

Goldfish · 10/11/2004 19:47

I know what you mean. When dh comes home we all realise how much we have missed him! I couldn't cope with a month either. Trouble is though dh is absolutely shattered for the first few days he is home, then hes ok for about a week, then he is grumpy because he is going back! He likes the job because of the time off but he still hates going back. I have a friend coming round for a bottle of wine (or 2) in a little while. Her dh only works 4 days a week but they are really well off, not fair

Flip