Please help me sort my mental health

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I need help in managing my anger (for want of a better word) with my 5yo daughter . I get easily frustrated and irritated because she used to be a child that listened to what I said but now screams/has tantrums if I say no to iPad or extra sweets for example. I think I’m so used to her being a well behaved child that I don’t know how to handle this side. I’m also back at work after mat leave with second child so its a lot for me. Lack of sleep, food, and exhaustion is making me very distressed.

I am guilty of staying up late scrolling on my phone into early hours of morning desperate for that me time in peace and quiet too.

I have fainted recently after telling off my lo and I think it could be related to my heightened emotions?
I’m considering some sort of effective medication I can do, perhaps with my daughter even, and get back into reading instead of these useless tv shows/movies that benefit me nothing.

Please share your suggestions on what meditation and books I should look into!

I want to be better for myself, and my children.

TIA

Bump

Anyone please?

I don’t understand how other peoples posts get so many responses

Bump for you.

Shes probably getting screamy and having tantrums because she is five.

I would focus on you first

I’m also back at work after mat leave with second child so its a lot for me. Lack of sleep, food, and exhaustion is making me very distressed. I find audiobooks great for falling asleep- Sleep Stories are quite good. Better than scrolling. Maybe see your doctor for a blood test? I'm sure there must be some good books on amazon on mindfulness. But also its about just giving yourself permission to relax.

Your 5yo has had to deal with you having a new baby, going back to work, plus you spend hours scrolling through your phone and watching tv shows and movies. Can you not think why her behaviour may have deteriorated?

@SukonthaM

Your 5yo has had to deal with you having a new baby, going back to work, plus you spend hours scrolling through your phone and watching tv shows and movies. Can you not think why her behaviour may have deteriorated?

Probably not want you wanted to hear but it's probably true. Put down the phone, get some sleep and spend time with your daughter - maybe cooking some nutritious food with her?

You definitely need help. Agree first thing you can do is improve your sleep patterns. Put down the phone, get good rest. We are much more calm if we are not sleep deprived.

Secondly, your shouting at her is when upset is the only role model she has. So she thinks it’s ok to shout and throw a fit when angry...because mum does it. So her behaviour is likely a reflection of your behaviour. You will have to model the behaviour you want from her. Ignoring a child can also cause them to seek attention, often they misbehave because any attention is better than being ignored. So again, limit your time on phone or doing “me time” during her waking hours. Get a babysitter or do play dates with other parents so you can schedule in breaks for yourself because children are utterly relentless and an endurance marathon.

Third, if you find the above difficult, consider contacting GP for any local support groups or resources. Sometimes having a safe space you can go to to talk and vent will make you much happier and calmer around your children.

Hang in there, you’ve done the hardest thing and that is realising you have a problem and you want to do something about it. That is something you can be proud of. I know you can improve your temper and your children will blossom as a result.

Thank you so much for your replies. You’re right I need to put the phone down. I will start with this and take if from there. Thank you all again

Have you read the book non-violent communication? It's exceptional - really brilliant read and one I go back to often. I would highly recommend it for situations such as you describe.

I would also listen to the Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri podcast on Listening - it's very, very insightful and I have found it very useful to employ some of that knowledge when things are kicking off around here.

Is there a way you can both have some time together outside in nature? That to me is always a good way to calm things down and to build relationships with each other, but also with the outdoors.

"Forest" app is quite good for helping to reduce screen time. You can lock the screen for 5-10 minutes and it builds a virtual forest if you don't interrupt it and use your phone in that time. Google Android also has "Digital wellbeing" that helps you monitor your usage and set time limits to apps if you want to.

For me it's become habit and also something I thought I did to de-stress or have me-time, so it can be hard to stop. Try to be gentle on yourself rather than only feel guilty/to blame for doing it. I realised some of my scrolling was worsening my anxiety though (googling a topic I was worried about or reading threads here) so I agree it'll be good to cut down on it.

I agree audio books might be a good way to spend time at night instead, similarly the radio or reading (Kindle or books).

Meditation sounds a good idea to look into as well. :) I don't know any to recommend, sorry, but there will be apps and YouTube channels for it. You could put on Cosmic Yoga with your daughter!

I don't think some TV hurts, if balanced out by other activities. The right kind of show can be thought provoking or relaxing, and you deserve your down time.

Focus on you, get some counselling, try to unpack where this anger is coming from.