Getting help, where to start?

[NewFlav]

I think I may have reached a crisis point with my mental health. I have struggled for many years but today is the first time I have had suicidal thoughts. I don't think I will go through with it because the thought of leaving my child motherless is worse for me but I just don't see how I can continue to live like this.

I have tried to get help once before through a workplace program and they told me they can't offer the level of help I needed and to contact the GP. They did say that I'd be better going private as tbe NHS really don't offer what I need either. That was it.

It took a lot for me to build up the courage to make that call and It's not something I will be able to do again. I don't want to phone samaratins etc as I fear that discussing past events may expose me. I am deeply ashamed of my past and the thought of anyone finding out about it, especially someone that knows me, makes me feel like death.

From the brief assessment I had. They believe I have cptsd, anxiety, depression and possibly ocd. I have no family or support network apart from DH and even he doesn't know how severe my issues are. What can I do? Where can I reach out to for help? I'm in Scotland if this makes a difference with what's available.

Have you been in touch with your GP?

Don't forget the Samaritans are completely confidential and you don't have to given them your real name.

@NewFlav you haven't mentioned what has caused you CPTSD or your trauma in the past, but if it's related to any kind of neglect, or abuse in childhood you could try connectcounselling.ie/ they offer free phone counseling for people in Ireland and the UK, I used them myself to deal with past abuse and found them helpful. I hope you find the support you need, sending you a handhold 💐

Samaritans are good - total confidentiality. Perhaps you can use them as a prop over the weekend and then talk to GP on Monday. I am sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

Sending you a handhold OP, you don't have to go into detail with a GP about why you are experiencing the symptoms that you are but you could also find a private counsellor if you are able to/don't mind paying www.bacp.co.uk/

I haven't been in touch with the GP. I don't want them to turn me away too. I know the system is on it's knees at the moment so I don't want to even try.

@Dontbeme I will give this a try. I never knew this existed thank you. Most of my trauma stems from childhood neglect and abuse.

Also as a teen I was molested with penetration while intoxicated and this was recorded and shared between my social circle. There was no prosecution for the person responsible. There are loads of other bad situations that add to the list of trauma as I spiralled into a dark place for a long time after this and it's a daily struggle to try and cope with the burden of them all. Today was too much. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

@NewFlav you really deserve some support after going through that. Definitely find a therapist to talk to, talking to someone will help you come to terms with what has happened.

@NewFlav just thinking of you today as your circumstances are very similar to my own, I hope today was a better day, just sending a handhold if you need it. 💐

@Dontbeme Thank you. Today has been a bit better. The intrusive thoughts are less frightening. I am desperate to reach out for professional help but the thought of going through with it paralyses me with fear.

Did you ever seek help for your circumstances?

Apart from the link you provided above of course.

Hi @NewFlav I just wanted to add that it's ok to try a therapist out before you decide to go ahead with them. I would arrange to see someone for an initial chat and to see if you feel comfortable with them before deciding if you want to go any further. I know it feels like a scary step but you are in charge and don't have to do anything that doesn't feel right.

@NewFlav I started by phoning and speaking to the therapists at the link and here in Ireland the HSE (our health service) have set up a free support service that provides counselling one to one so I went on the waiting list for that, my first session is actually in two weeks and I am nervous, it will be my first time speaking about this in particular. I previously sought help for depression with a counsellor but was too anxious to speak about this. I just couldn't get the words out to anyone, but the impact on my life hasn't lessened so here I am, I just can't ignore it any more.

@Dontbeme Good luck with your appointment, I hope it brings you some peace in life.

I am in the process of convincing myself to make the call. I can feel my mood dipping again slightly so I really need to give myself a push and just get on with it.

I have been struggling massively for the last few months. Have spoken to gp and did a self referral last week for the well-being team. I have an appointment Monday so it's definitely worth you trying the gp/ self referral route x

I think I have a fear of being judged. This is why I struggle so much with asking for help. I feel like I'm dying inside but on the outside, I have a mask on so no one really knows how much pain I am in. I think I've adopted this mask method as a coping, survival technique when I was a child and I don't know how to stop it. I can feel the bad thoughts creeping back up on me again, how can thoughts make you feel physical pain inside? There seems to be a lot of triggers in my life at the moment. I don't know how I will ever escape them.

@NewFlav your GP can definitely help. Please talk to them. They won't judge you and have probably spoken to hundreds of people in similar situations (especially over the last 18 months). I am on day 15 of taking mirtazepene and it has definitely lifted the deep despair and stopped the panic symptoms I had. Please speak to your GP. You don't have to live like this and it can get better xxx