DS(19) about to go to uni and anxiety has just returned - advice please?

[iknowimcoming]

I'll try to be brief! DS had anxiety when he was 13 (came out of nowhere but triggered by a seemingly minor incident) wrt eating out at restaurants, he'd start feeling like he'd throw up and have to keep going to the bathroom, wasn't actually sick but couldn't eat, we were on holiday so eating out at practically every meal, we got thru it with strategies and when we got home he used relaxation cds and he improved quite quickly and was totally fine.

He's had rough few years (I know we all have!) failed AS levels, had to resit the year, all his friends went to uni without him, diagnosed with ADHD, started meds (massive improvements in school work organisation, general well-being etc) then COVID. Anyway totally adamant wanted to go to uni, got grades and offer. All good. Out for family meal last week and bam feeling sick, couldn't eat, exactly like before. We talked next morning and he says he doesn't feel consciously worried about anything, I said it's normal to feel nervous big changes with going to uni etc.

Went away for a break with friends (previously booked as last hurrah holiday before his mates went to uni last year but rescheduled cos COVID to short break in uk) yesterday, he's seen them probably once in 18 months cos of COVID and them being at uni, but was really looking forward to it, got to station to drop him off and he feels sick again, I say it's fine you don't have to go if you don't want to, his friends arrive and he sees them and says he'll go and he does. Get text later to say he's arrived safely. Then last night text saying he still feels ill and wants to come home in the morning if he still feels ill.

If you're still reading thanks! My big fear is him going to uni in 3 weeks, should I try to get him some help/therapy etc before he goes (seems unlikely I'll get an appointment) should i/he get in touch with the uni before he goes to give them a heads-up and try and get some support in place early on or should I just see how he gets on and let him get help if he needs it when he's there? I appreciate he won't be the only one nervous about going and that might help in a way but want to try and give the best chance of settling in well. Any advice welcome

If you can I would get him help from a therapist now. If not, then at least a GP appointment and they can write a letter to the university health team and get him into counselling up there.

I would also think of a plan to potentially get through some rough weeks. That might be you visit at weekends - take him out for lunch etc.

Easy to say, but try not to panic. Remember he's had bad periods before and got through them. He's done amazingly well to get through all this - he has the resilience to get through this.

I have anxiety. I have a very prestigous job and family, and every so often in my life I have bad flare ups (5 in 20 years where I have needed medication). Sometimes the flare ups have been triggered by something, other times it feels like it's come out of nowhere. So if you can just think of this as a flare up, actually not surprising as a massive change is happening (I often find the worry about something happen is worse. Once it happens I am fine). He will get through this.

Urgent CBT might give him some tools and tricks to get through the next few weeks.

Thanks both - any ideas where I could access urgent CBT? @HereticFanjo GP? I was thinking about calling the clinic who diagnosed his adhd and asking if they could help or direct me somewhere?

That would be a good idea because his ADHD may have an impact on the effectiveness of CBT. Sorry, I really don't know one way or the other. www.bacp.co.uk will have accredited counsellors and list whether they use CBT - most do.

Hope all goes well for him

DS, or you if he can't and gives his permission, should contact the university's disability services and apply for DSA if he hasn't already. Universities often have their own counselling services, but if you/he want some therapy before he goes BPS have a search tool on their website where you can find psychologists.

3 weeks doesn't give you long to get something sorted OP you might be better to focus your energies on making sure he will be supported well at uni.

It's understandable that he's going to experience some anxiety around such a big transition even if he's not conscious of it.

Does he have a fear of being sick?
Because that is more common than what you think in young people.
It has a name, l can't remember what it is, but the symptoms sound very similar.
Anxiety and panic are usually triggered by the fear of humiliating yourself in public. This resorts to avoidance stratergies.
There is a lot of information online, Panic End is a very useful forum, and a brilliant book on Amazon called "Dare". The author suffered anxiety and panic, and his advice is the same as what l resorted to in the end, as in hit it head on. If you try and purposely make a panic attack feel worse, it stops it dead in its tracks. Basically the opposite of a lot of advice but this was the way l conquered mine.
I wish your son all the best,

Thanks everyone, I have contacted 3 private cbt therapists local to us and left messages but not confident they'll have space in time, I've had a look on the nhs website and they suggest a few apps which I'll look at today as he had success with a relaxation cd last time this happened. His adhd clinic is sadly booked up for months so that's a no-go. He's not emetophobic @Moonface123 (perfectly happy to ruin his mates mums carpet after too many vodkas ).

I gently pushed him yesterday to join the Facebook group for his uni year yesterday (he's been avoiding that since results day) so he can find out his flatmates etc as I think that will help reassure him they are all nervous. And he is talking about it which is good I guess and I'm doing all the good stuff like praising him for giving the trip a try, and for making good sensible plans when he felt he needed to come home, managing the train tickets and journey etc, so I think we're both feeling a little more positive

Agree with DSA , it should provide mentoring support for adhd and anxiety may well be part of that, as well as any practical help. Student Support Services should get in contact but he may need to be proactive. Is he planning to self cater or be catered ?

Sorry didn't reply to that point did I! Yes he's already sorted the DSA and support stuff relating to his adhd, but the anxiety has only just happened so I'll talk to him about telling uni about it and see what he thinks, thanks again

Oh and he's self catering in a shared flat in halls (he's a great cook so not worried about that too much)