Hello, sorry if this just seems like a rant, I just didn't know where to write this as I don't really have a social life. i am a single parent I have 2 daughters 1 who is 10 and one who is 4. They are at different ages and one has the attitude one is screaming. So both usually don't listen to me and their behaviours can get quite draining. Especially my youngest screaming. She cries and screams about everything. She's getting a bit better in shops. My oldest daughter doesn't see her dad and my youngest dad does see her but it's every fortnight and this is hard as she is quite difficult. I do think she might get diagnosed with something when at school as my oldest wasn't that difficult. I don't want a label on her but I would like her to receive all the help available for her and maybe for me as I am at the end of my tether with her behaviour by myself. So no support really I've asked in the past and I get told you are the mother you should do it. My dad basically doesn't believe in the behaviour issues and think it's just her being a kid but a couple of people don't think it's her just being a kid. She is going to school in September and I think I will get told about a couple of behaviours. I am just going to wait and see if the school thinks anything is wrong.
But anyways the beginning of the year I felt so happy I got a job celebrated my youngest daughters 4th birthday went on holiday with my ex as a couple thing. I was enjoying life and everything felt good.
Then I got into work and really it isn't the best. I do enjoy the work. I don't get as much as I thought I would get paid and there is a woman there that says comments to humiliate me and thumped me once. I reported it and did everything I can she got a bit better with her comments but I feel nervous and shaky in her presence. I work in a school kitchen so I get the 6 weeks holidays off. So I am off work for another week.
I have broke up with my ex (but it is an on and off relationship for 5 years) I feel so down thinking about going back to work. I enjoy the work I love catering but I feel down that theres a woman there that might just come out with rubbish comments. Then I went on a weeks holiday with family and I have my children who are hard work together (seperately they are better) but also a disabled dad and my mum who is his carer didn't look after him properly so I was looking after 2 children and my disabled dad and I was more tired when I came home then when I went away. I also got covid on this holiday so I had to self isolate for 10 days as soon as I came back and staying in the house for 10 days was really bringing me down. When I went back out children bullied my kids saying they not playing with my kids we have covid. So that upset me too.
My parents keep booking these holidays without asking me. So now I feel like I have to go but I don't enjoy them as my kids behaviours aren't that good and my dad wants me to do everything. I feel like I have no control in my life. I'm 27 and my parents are booking holidays without asking me if I am available and if I want to come. I am just expected to come. I brought his up asking please dont book without asking me and I got told I am ungreatful?
I enjoy my own company I've been a single parent a long time before I met my ex. I am usually positive, optimistic but I feel like im slowly deteriorating into a depression. I feel like it began with the holiday then self isolating for 10 days. I stayed in longer because people being funny with my kids. Then I just can't shake this morbid feeling away. It's really tough for me as I normally can get back up after feeling down. As I am a positive person but I suppose I just don't have anything to be positive about!
I do not speak about this to anyone and I come accross on social media handling things fine a single mum with 2 kids enjoying life. I had a message this weekend from my brothers friend and he basically was messaging me assuming I am lonely and I need to talk to friends and family and I bet people don't think about me. These messages make me a bit down that people assume this about me because basically when I am feeling good my life is great without a good social life. I enjoy my own company. I never have had a problem with loneliness. So the messages aren't helping tbh but I know he is trying to be kind and say look there is someone thinking about you but tbh sometimes he messages me about 8pm saying oh the kids are in bed your lonely thinking who is there for you... When in reality kids are jumping in there bedrooms I'm trying to find something to watch on Netflix whilst having to go up to sort my kids out. I actually don't really get time to think about loneliness. So it started making me think about it more when he messaged me.
I am due to go on holiday today with the kids and my parents and I just have no energy to go! Because of how bad the last holiday went. But I think I will push myself and hopefully enjoy it. Sorry to just jibber jabber on but hoping for some recommendations of how anyone has dealt with this when they have felt they can't get back up after a down spell/bad time. I usually use positive affirmations but they don't seem to be helping lately. x