Looking for advice about a complicated situation at home. My husband had a nervous breakdown in February due to ongoing medical issues exacerbated by stress at work and lockdown. It was a dreadful period and while things have definitely improved, he has been left with ongoing anxiety to manage. Unfortunately, the majority of his anxiety is triggered by chronic pain which is still under investigation. He’s left his job as a result although is now contemplating a return to some kind of work once the children are back at school. He has been extremely proactive in seeking therapy but recently parted ways with his therapist as he didn’t feel she could do much more for him.
I am pretty much his only day to day support - his family are sadly pretty dismissive of mental health - and it’s becoming exhausting. He likes to talk about every emotion constantly so he tells me when he’s in pain, when he’s feeling anxious, what his theory is as to what’s causing the pain. I think it feels even more encompassing at the moment as we’ve just come back from a three week break which was a huge distraction for him. He hates being at home so wants to be out and about all the time either with me or as a family. It’s got to a point where the children are doing non stop activities every day - museums, theme parks, swimming, crazy golf etc etc. Sometimes we are just going somewhere for an hour because it takes the same time to get there. We are extremely fortunate in that money isn’t an issue but that in itself is a double edged sword as there’s no spending limit. He refuses to go for walks or just to a playground and refuses to acknowledge that I and the family need time at home - aside from anything, chores at home need doing! I’m also worried about the impact it’s having on the children of being constantly entertained but equally exhausted.
Underlying all this is the fact that I’ve had anxiety for most of my life which I would now describe as high functioning. It’s only in the last few years I’ve understood more about it and sought help. He never sought to support me nor understand and he was quite horrible on a few occasions - I was having panic attacks at one point and had a bit of a breakdown and he refused to take any time off work to help. He’s since apologised profusely for his behaviour but it’s bred a lot of upset and anger on my part.
I’m trying to remain positive but it’s hard when I’m battling my own demons and when someone is constantly telling you how awful they feel, how grey the day is etc etc. I’ve reached my limit today as my youngest was having a tantrum at the pool and he just kept jumping in telling me what to do - I just can’t get any time either alone or alone with the children anymore. Anything I disagree with I get overridden on or I just let go because otherwise discussing it or arguing will make his pain worse or his anxiety worse.
Has anyone gone through anything similar or got any advice? I should add that he is very keen to find a new therapist (as is everyone else it turns out) and I am also pretty much coordinating all his medical appointments so we can try to get to the bottom of the pain he’s having.