What subject(s) does your depression and or anxiety feed on

[Justwanttobeatpeace]

Hi everyone

I’m 43 and have suffered depression and anxiety for many years now. So long that I almost don’t know what it’s like to be a healthy thinking feeling person. Anyways I’m having counselling right now and contemplating going back on medication because for the first time in my life this depression is causing insomnia and that is the worse symptom about all of this

Anyway just wondering what other people’s ruminations or depressive thoughts centre around ? Mine are getting old, health related anxieties, feeling inadequate with what i have achieved in my life and losing my quite elderly lovely mum and dad

For me , day to day depression is when I have no structure to my day, no routine, so I end up not looking after myself properly...it kid of spins off from there. However, I'll also get the attacks of when I remember something from my childhood and it brings me crashing down. Depends on what it is though. To be honest I could do with some therapy but I'm also struggling as I'm pregnant and I don't want to dig deep into the trauma

I try not to ruminate too much but I can get obsessive - financial plans (we seemed to struggle when I was younger), not being able to manage my health symptoms and juggle full time work (a very real worry), moving house one day, if I will have children (regret that I didn't). I then make plans and stop worrying for a while but I feel like I am always holding a lot.

Sorry for your loss

Unfair public criticism of people who do my job role (not me specifically!), particularly as no one who doesn’t do it will know what it entails (but they believe they do) and no public awareness that job is in crisis re:recruitment/shortage.

Typically the people starting the training for this job are better than average mental health but end up worse than average.

Also in work, when something goes wrong or someone is highly critical (and I am not allowed to explain properly why what was done was done/or not).

I have strategies and am absolutely dedicated to and I am good at my work. The weird thing is it brings me so much happiness and purpose, but with this comes anxiety. I can only work 30-40 hours a week long term but for 6 weeks a year I have to do 50+ hours. 2 weeks of that start next week and I will be tearful and exhausted in a fortnight, just trying to get to the end of the day.

A colleague (not close, just someone I’m vaguely aware of doing the same job) recently died by suicide and it made me think about leaving work but I won’t let it go that far, I’ll quit before then.

Finances, concern about my mental health. Worries about long term impact of living abroad. Concerns about incompatibility with partner, will I end up on my own, in a foreign country at 50 etc...

Health - of myself and others close to me.!

Getting old and being abused like I was when I grew up in care.

Past abuse that I've experienced.

My dh and sons getting sick or something happening to them.

Neurotypicals and their endless ways of tormenting me. Trying to avoid interaction with them.

My hatred of the terrible things going on in the world and the suffering of animals and destruction of natural habitats.

I can never make the thoughts go away.

Health - my own and those closest to me.

Physical safety and mental well-being of my kids