Anxiety when I first wake up

[Disneyblue]

I feel so anxious when I first wake up on a morning.
I suffer with an awful fear of sickness (emetophobia) and it's worse during school holidays (I'm a part time teacher).

First thing on a morning the first thing I think is 'do I feel well?' and I'm doing constant body scans and convincing myself I'm sick.
I have to physically force myself out of bed but I'm so sick of feeling like this all the time. All day every day I'm waiting for the next sickness episode to arrive. I don't eat enough because I wait until I'm starving. That way I know I'm not ill.

I've tried everything. I've done high intensity CBT and it didn't work.
The problem I have is I'm just so damn lazy. I want it to leave me alone, but I can't be bothered to put the work in. It feels so unfair that I should have to. I keep telling myself to work on it. To work on all the strategies I was taught during my CBT. I've bought into the thrive programme and it requires time and effort I just don't have. I have a near 2 year old who takes up all my time.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for, as I'm not really sure what the answer is, but I wanted to get it off my chest, at least.

You’re not lazy, please stop telling yourself that. You’re incredibly strong and resilient to be living with the absolute fuck that is anxiety. Anxiety saps you in every way- that’s why you’re finding it impossible to do “all the stuff” you think you should be doing.

I have the same (my anxiety is caused by different triggers but I do experience it at its worst when I wake- and it wakes me ridiculously early (from what I’ve read, this is very common).

My advice is stop looking at the whole mountain of things you’ve found or know might help- on mass, it’s just too much right now. Yes, many of those things may, in time, prove to become useful tools in your kit of coping. But right now, they’re adding to your panic, because they’re just more things to do- or not do and then worry about.

Take one thing. Do that when you can. For me, it’s journaling. For you it may be something else. Forget good eating, exercise, all the “shoulds” for now. They’ll be super important, but it sounds like you’re not ready for everything yet.
Do one thing- get that thing feeing okay. You won’t be ‘cured’ (I like to think of anxiety as something positive as well as negative- it’s a bit like a super power of energy, intuition and empathy, but one that goes majorly skew wiff sometimes!) but you will have taken one step. It’s like the eating an elephant analogy. One bite at a time.

And in terms of super practical tips for the morning thing…. I get up. For me, laying in bed makes it worse. I move around - run frantically on the spot for five mins- to burn off some of that adrenaline that’s whizzing round your body thanks to the anxiety. So it’s a bit of distraction and anxiety first aid really (much to the amusement of the milkman if I’m he happens to be passing my window at the time

You’re doing so much better than you realise already by identifying that it’s anxiety, you must be incredibly strong.

Also - if you catastrophize- as I do, I found this a helpful read. It’s what helped me to start seeing my anxiety in a more balanced way- as energy, not illness. May not be any help for you at all- but just in case: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/dec/29/stop-catastrophising-expert-guide-psychologist

@Firsttimecatlady Thank you for these posts - I suffer dreadfully with anxiety, and they are very helpful

[quote Firsttimecatlady]Also - if you catastrophize- as I do, I found this a helpful read. It’s what helped me to start seeing my anxiety in a more balanced way- as energy, not illness. May not be any help for you at all- but just in case: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/dec/29/stop-catastrophising-expert-guide-psychologist[/quote]
Thank you. Your advice is incredibly helpful.
I agree actually about the amount of 'stuff' I should be doing. I've got so many self help books on the go and 'shoulds' but I actually feel quite overwhelmed by it all. I feel like I've got to work on myself constantly and in many ways that's not doing me much good either.

I'll have a think about the one thing I need to focus on doing. I've cut down alcohol for example and I'm trying to keep myself busy as I find if I sit around it's worse. I force myself to go out somewhere with my toddler every day even if it's just a walk.
Thanks again

[quote Firsttimecatlady]Also - if you catastrophize- as I do, I found this a helpful read. It’s what helped me to start seeing my anxiety in a more balanced way- as energy, not illness. May not be any help for you at all- but just in case: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/dec/29/stop-catastrophising-expert-guide-psychologist[/quote]
Thank you so much for this. I'm sure she has written this article about me 😳😀

@Firsttimecatlady that article really resonates - thank you

I’m so glad I shared that article then, I hoped it would be useful It was a bit of a game changer for me this summer when I was in a total spiral of seeking reassurance (usually manic middle of the night Googling, or incessant asking some people “are you okay? What do you think- will it be okay? Are you okay?!!??”) That shit IS momentarily soothing, but then almost straight away, another anxious thought pops up, and off we go again. It’s absolutely debilitating.
I started trying to block the pattern by literally waiting to a count of 30 before hitting Google. Tried building it up from there. It helped me a bit, and quite quickly too, which surprised me.
I’ve also had to learn that for me it’s not a journey of continuous improvement. Even though I’d have done some great work and felt like I’d really started to get on top on my anxiety, another wave could come out of the blue- and I’d feel like all that work had been for nothing- wasted, and I ‘had to start from the beginning again.’ So depressing. Now I really try to think of it in waves. When my anxiety is bad, that’s when I’m actually moving forwards a bit because I get to go back over the stuff that’s helped me in the past, practice the techniques, find new stuff. When it eases off- I try to treat those times as ‘rest times’ when I get my energy back, and find a bit of joy again!

God- anxiety is a total fucker. But it really helps me to know it’s so so common. I don’t think anyone would know what I deal with if I hadn’t told them- so there’s definitely many women (and men :) out there feeling exactly the same- we’re not alone.