Choosing a therapist

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I’m at my wits end with my daughter’s MH issues. She doesn’t talk much about it to me, except I know what she’s on and can say how she is doing from my POV. I know anxiety and self esteem have been issues. She was a self harmer and overdosing on paracetamol at 15. She was on Sertraline first and it stopped working so now she is on Prozac. She has dropped out of uni at the end of her first year. She has no motivation to do anything yet she still has her rental to pay for and says she is claiming PIP (not easy that though is it?) and taking a year out of study. I just think she needs to try therapy properly. She’s been on one drug or another since 17 and is now 21. But no talking therapy has helped. The NHS seem ok with this. So I now want to pay for her to have whatever therapy will work for her. I think art therapy may be worth a try but any really. I’ve googled and there is a vast array of people out there. What can anyone suggest re. Choosing. I’m not rolling in money but see no other option.

In all honesty, your daughter needs to be the one who wants to try therapy, and she needs to be committed to it. Otherwise, you are just throwing money away.

Hi, yes, she would try it I think. I have mentioned it to her.

I chose integrative therapy with a female therapist. I read a bit about integrative therapy and it seemed to mean 'whatever works' which seemed good to me, I wanted flexibility. I was developing crushes on random men very easily at that time so definitely wanted a woman.

It might be good to write down different approaches and add bits of information as you gather them - I found it quite difficult even to establish what different types of therapy existed. I think I looked at person-centred and humanist therapists as well, and I'd had a very classic 'blank wall, never speaks' therapist in the past, which i hated. I don't know what type of therapy that was because she never answered any questions.

I have found a very friendly yoga class which has been fantastic for managing feelings too. I reliably cried when holding certain positions. So bodywork or some kind of physical approach appealed to me. My therapist was qualified in some way in bodywork but never used it directly with me.

Which talking therapies haven't helped and why? That's crucial information

I would second integrative therapy, a good therapist will use aspects of different therapy techniques to suit what is needed rather than blindly sticking to one. I had CBT which wasn't useful for me but integrative therapy was very helpful

Thankyou for your replies. She has had the usual CAHMS referral when younger and the psychiatrist didn’t get far with her. She took part in an NHS MH course online recently which involved things like practical approaches to eg. Organising time. She said it wasn’t really helpful.

I do think of CBT as potentially helpful with anxiety - could be worth a try?

If she's had NHS therapy then it probably is CBT, which doesn't work for everyone. I'd suggest integrative as well with a relational element (the relationship with the therapist is an important part of the therapy).

I'd also speak to a few people to find out how they work, and specifically how would they work with your daughter's issues and to assess their personal qualities, are they warm, non-judgemental etc.

Counselling Directory, Psychology Today, Bacp and Welldoing all have lists of therapists, with a bit of info about how they work and what they specialise in.

Oh neither of those are therapy. Won't the NHS offer something else? You should at least have a primary care offer in your area.

It can be really hard to find a good therapist. Personally I would be looking for a clinical or counselling psychologist. Make sure they're hcpc accredited

If she is interested in helping herself and has time on her hands she could do a lot worse than studying CBT. This course is accessible, comprehensive and will give her all the information she needs to understand herself.

I made a shortlist. I knew I could afford up to £50 a session, didn't want someone in my area and was willing to travel up to an hour. So I went to counselling directory and filtered. Then I filtered the remaining results by qualifications, specialty and experience and scanned photos. I decided I wanted to work with a man as there is sexual trauma involved and I knew working with a safe male would be beneficial but I didn't want anyone who reminded me of the abuser.

I shortlisted 5 and called them. None answered so I left messages and only one called back. I went to meet him, liked him and I'm working hard.

I know choosing from photos sounds silly but it does give you an idea of their vibe, whether you will feel comfortable with them.

My therapist reminded me visually of a driving instructor I had. God knows why, they look nothing alike. Driving instructor was stocky, loud and very confident and always willing to jump out and give out to other drivers who beeped at his learners.

Therapist is small, slightly built, softly spoken, quiet and reserved to the point of shyness. As non threatening as its possible to be. Although once I got to know him, the reserved blank exterior has given way to a warm demeanour and wicked sense of humour. I think you just need to shortlist, make a few appointments and meet them. You don't know who she'll click with until she meets them.

If you're in the vicinity of North London, happy to recommend.

Another one supporting integrative therapy. I found CBT too much like finding a solution when really I needed to understand myself better before trying to find solutions to how I felt. My therapist uses parts of CBT now but that’s only after spending the first 10/12 sessions finding out about me and just talking about my struggles.

Really you need to expand on your DD’s condition. She needs the right therapy for the right condition. My DD also has a history of self harm and OD which is symptomatic of her BPD diagnosis. She is engaged in DBT therapy both group and one to one which is equipping her with skills to manage the BPD. DBT and mentalisation based therapy are recommended by NICE as effective treatments for BPD. I would refer to NICE….there are so many therapeutic approaches out there and some of them have little evidence base to prove effectiveness….it’s a bit of a mine-field tbh and you need to be wary.
Really there is no one size fits all….depends on her diagnosis.