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Early 30s and feel like I'm past my peak, with very little to look forward to in the years ahead

14 replies

excelsior2021 · 14/08/2021 23:09

So I'm in my early 30s and really feel like I've already past my peak. I did the vast majority of 'life goals' in my 20s, including:

. lots of foreign travel
. education (both academic and personal i.e. I've studied most of the subjects that interest me)
. did lots of partying/socialising etc
. lived in different places and also moved to London and lived the big city lifestyle for several years
. read hundreds of books, watched hundreds of films, visited numerous galleries, tried different cuisines etc.
. tried to become cultured and expose myself to as many different experiences as possible (e.g. different MeetUp groups, volunteering, picking up various hobbies etc.)
. dabbled with various religions/spiritual practices and realised they're 99% bunk
. dabbled with therapy/medicines etc. and realised they're 99% bunk

Amidst all that I tried to establish a career (largely failed), and set up a business (also largely a failure). I don't want kids, don't want a relationship (I have a disability which makes me low quality on the meat market), and I don't earn enough to be able to afford to buy a house so am looking at renting until well until my 30s if not beyond (unless I move back in with my parents and thereby completely lose my independence and self-respect).

Yes, I could carry on travelling, reading etc. but tbh I've really lost interest in all that and do it largely just to fill in my free time. If I had some amazing career I suppose I could focus on that, however I just have a humdrum job that's ok and pays the bills, and my aim of being self-employed and in control of my work/financial life seem a pipedream.

Basically, I can't really see much point living for many more years if it's just going to be like this going forward, with all the best parts of my life lying in the past.

OP posts:
Lizzie523 · 14/08/2021 23:13

Hey OP, I'm 29 and feeling pretty much the same as you. Lots of foreign travel and fulfillment of several goals. Now struggling to fulfil other goals and feeling very stuck.

I'm also struggling with the perceived loss of my youth and that's to come...

bluejelly · 14/08/2021 23:17

I'm 48 and in my experience life gets better in your 40s. You learn to enjoy the small stuff, not rushing around so much. You appreciate that life is not a competition and that everyone is running a different race. And I paid off my debts, and became generally better with money, which has made a big difference. It's definitely not all downhill!

KeyboardWorriers · 14/08/2021 23:25

In late twenties I felt a bit like that. I took an entry level job at 31 and now just over a decade (and several promotions) later I am a senior manager and have a job that is endlessly fulfilling and fascinating. Please don't write yourself off when you are so young.

Rainbowshit · 15/08/2021 00:00

Try volunteering. I've had some absolutely amazing highlight of life, can't be paid for experiences through volunteering for events such as the commonwealth games. Made loads of friends and had the most wonderful time.

AgileSlug · 15/08/2021 17:10

Mid-40s here, and I totally echo what @bluejelly says. I've found that I've become so much more content with less, able to find joy in the smaller, gentler things. And whereas I agree that 99% of all religion and therapy is twaddle, I've nevertheless found peace in my Christian faith and have done one or two helpful stints at therapy. You're too young to stop looking!

ttcsucks · 16/08/2021 13:01

Hi OP I too feel the same.

Don't have any solutions other than perhaps medication for depression - that's my next try anyway.

Also I don't understand posters saying it's the little things - what happens if you don't care about the little things 🤷‍♀️

ttcsucks · 16/08/2021 13:02

I've kinda given up hope too OP it is all mindless drivel day to day is just boring AF.

I'm not suicidal but feel like I'm in mental prison where I just cba anymore

MistySkiesAfterRain · 16/08/2021 23:36

Have a look at the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. I realise that's self help but it might be of use.

HorseGallopingOnATomato · 17/08/2021 21:20

It sounds to me like you’ve done a lot of wonderful things in a tick-box sort of way, but you haven’t really found your purpose in life yet. Are there any causes you really care about? Anything you want to create? Any world problems you think you could help to solve? I think when you find an overarching goal or meaning, things won’t feel so empty any more. Best of luck!

excelsior2021 · 17/08/2021 22:39

Thanks for the responses.

Basically I'm a very independent person, and I just can't stand the idea of spending the rest of my life in hock to landlords, letting agents, bosses, economic ups and downs, and god know what else. I was willing to put up with that in my 20s as a temporary phase as I was getting 'established', but not if it's going to be a permanent state of existence.

I really don't see the point of constantly frantically running just to stay stand in the same spot. And the way things are going both personally and in the wider world, it is quite clear that things are going to get much worse over the coming decades as the middle class continues to get hollowed out, and governments looks to bed in many of the draconian rules they've enacted this past 16 months.

The future looks just utterly depressing tbh, which I why I constantly try and distract myself with things like books, films, trips, nights out etc.

OP posts:
Mistyplanet · 17/08/2021 23:24

Maybe you could live in a campervan if you want to be independent and cant afford a mortgage. Or theres no harm in living with your parents, its the way your viewing it is the problem. Also you could have a relationship despite being disabled. It seems you are putting up obstacles for yourself.

Beamur · 17/08/2021 23:28

I found turning 30 much much harder than turning 50. Expectations, both your own and other people's shift as you get older.
I'm considerably more at peace with myself now.

WinglessSonglessBird · 20/08/2021 15:01

I have no advice but feel the same. I'm not really old, but feel there is nothing to live for, look forward to, and life will just be downhill, and also your body gets worse and worse as you age, pain illness, so then there's THAT to look forward to (looks I don't care, was always ugly). I also have conditions that make me not able to be part of the dating market. I've accepted being alone forever, however.

And the focus on the little things. That only kind of helps me. Cuz wtf--so your whole life was savoring a cup of tea or a sunset? Could be worse I guess.

I do like you op where I just distract myself from life and myself: with books, movies, tv, videogames, cleaning, hobbies like crafts sometimes. It still feels rather empty though sometimes. Like yay, I watched tv and read all life, whoopie.

I know lots of people say go to a church or other religion. That's not for me either. I do sometimes think about what I believe about various things. I research lots of different ideas cuz it's interesting even I don't come to conclusions. Maybe pick some topics, not just existential, to research?

I think I came to the conclusion: ok, so if the rest of my life is alone and doing nothing but tv, read, games is that that bad? I decided it's sad but I've been through WAY worse shit in life and would rather be where I'm at now than deal with some other crazy shit I have before, or could be.

Maybe something you read or see will spark something for you...maybe the timing just hasn't come yet?

And yes you could have a relationship if you want one/it's not impossible. I have disabilities that shove me out of the dating pool. It is a legit concern. People who say it's not are in denial. It's not impossible though. I decided I do not want any relationship whatsoever so I do not pursue it and have made peace with it. Being alone has its perks too.

Try and search your heart, not your head. (i'm not good at this, but sometimes I am, and it seems to make a difference to my well-being either physically, emotionally, spiritually).

I am not a people person so loathe volunteering, but that is a good idea as far as a purpose for some. Do you like animals? Do you have a pet? Won't solve everything but might help. I got a pet during lockdown, had always wanted one, never did, but finally did and that has helped me a lot cuz my pet is my only living friend.

and a lot of young people get chided for feeling this way. Like you are not allowed to. And the answer is usually, oh you are young, don't feel that way. End of. Period. BS. Older people don't have the monopoly on these feelings. And some younger people spend the rest of their lives like this, so it is a legit thing. I've known older people who say they spent decades like this. So I wouldn't ignore it as childish youth angst. Try and search your heart, and not society's chatter or sometimes your own mental chatter. I have yet to figure it out so rofl at me for saying that, but I believe it even if can't do it lol.

it does feel like I just every day try and kill time. Just trying to distract til I die, and that's exactly what I'm doing, which is sad, and I have little ideas, just empathizing. It's such a soul-crushing, all-consuming ideology--that it only gets worse and you suck and it's just life now. Some things are acceptance, can't change, some can't. It's hard to know. And yes, with all the covid shit, life as we know it has changed on many levels for everyone, even internally, and it's denial to pretend you can supersede this very real world-wide issue completely.

but hey, there are a lot of good books and movies etc out there so let's not knock em Grin

Hope you find peace, serenity, joy one dayFlowers. And hope you feel you deserve it, cuz that could be partly it too? (I know I on a deeper level feel I don't deserve shit so there's always that...)

PMani · 05/09/2021 21:18

that's a good point...
at this point I've decided to take up exercise (as in the gym, not just walking)... people say this helps boost mood, and if not, well I'll be in better shape.

Once I'm a bit more settled I'll also get a dog I think.

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