Not one single person has any idea what's going on with me

[Addanotherone]

I've been home alone recently (DC with my ex for a holiday). Even if DC were here no one would know what was going on as I wouldn't tell them but I would be less insular. I wouldn't have time to hide away and wallow.

I work full time. It's not that I don't have contact with anyone. I have plenty. I have hobbies even. I just don't have meaningful contact. Even friends who have known about some of my struggles have never known the full picture.

Over the years I've seen several therapists, been on medication, been signed off work. No one knows the full extent. Almost no one knows any of it at all.

I'm certain I actually have ADHD and during the pandemic it's had a really disastrous impact on my life. My house is not a house I could invite even family into. I am not coping at work. No one knows quite how bad things are in terms of the work I should have delivered that I haven't even started.

I have an important meeting tomorrow and I haven't done any of the preparation work. Instead I am lying in bed.

I don't know how to get myself out of this hole.

I recently finished a round of NHS therapy and am on the waiting list for more. I don't feel I've even been honest about quite how bad things are in my latest treatment as I'm too ashamed and I knew that such a short burst of treatment meant it wasn't even worth trying to scratch the surface on the big stuff. I'm middle aged and have spent a lifetime playing a role to such an extent that even when I do admit things are bad I can't be truly honest.

I don't know why I'm posting. I feel very desperate. I won't hurt myself or anything. I'll just carry on like I always do.

It sounds like you are trying very hard and you should be proud of yourself having a job and raising children. Even if you dont do things perfectly you're still trying and putting the effort in and its OK to fail sometimes. Ive not got alot of advice but I find watching "the fly lady Kat" very soothing on YouTube and someone to get me motivated and organised with housework using the fly lady system. I watch her videos and she talks you through step by step how to get control over your house. Perhaps tackling the house would help you feel better about things. Even if you've got ADHD you can still get control of things using systems and routines. Dont give up now. Xx

Bit late to this thread but

Even if you've got ADHD you can still get control of things using systems and routines. Dont give up now

🤣🤣🤣

Diagnosed with ADHD this year I struggled all my life
Telling someone with ADHD they just need to get organised is like telling a person they don’t need their wheel chair. They just need to get up and walk.

Same OP, but I have autism. But the burn out sounds the same. And your right, no one gets it, no one even comes close.

Therapy won’t help ADHD, it’s meds you need.
I have ADHD and the work/house thing is 100000% spot on for me. My house is chaos and I’m absolutely drowning at work.

I don’t know what advice to offer other than fight to have your ADHD diagnosed and treated with medication.

We all hear you here. You are finding life really hard. You are playing a role that is sometimes impossible to maintain. You are struggling to keep things going. It's ok. It's ok to feel like that deeper connection is missing, so many of us feel the same. Thanks for writing down how you feel and if it helps at all, I feel like you have powerfully articulated some pretty difficult feelings. Take care of yourself, take time out if you need.

I think I have adhd too but I’ve developed so many coping strategies and it’s well hidden, but it’s just so exhausting. And it feels like I’m either on top of things or everything is crashing down. I feel like I’m pretending to be an adult, and just when I start to believe that maybe, just maybe I’ve got this, I slip up.

I really resonate to what you’re saying about the shame. I’ve just started counselling again and I’m struggling to be honest.

One of the best tips I ever got was not to try and sort out the huge chaotic mess, but to stop adding to it, eg if there’s a mountain of dishes don’t add your just-used tea mug to the pile, but rinse it out, dry it and put it away.

I’ve found the podcast and blog a slob comes clean life changing. It helped me get to grips with my house, but also has given me huge insight into other areas of life too. It’s her honesty that draws me in. She says out loud things that are true but I’d never admit!

Oh lovie, there's no need to be ashamed. If your leg was broken you would ask for help, wouldn't you?

Imagine your mind as a ball of wool that's been left at the bottom of a bag while life has been busy going on outside the bag. It's not broken or bad or damaged, but it is a bit tangled up and you don't know how to unravel it. If you can grab the courage to tell someone, they will help you find the frayed ends and help you make the ball smooth again.