How do you process trauma healthily?

[Kittii]

I have cptsd from my difficult childhood (domestic violence leading to constant hypervigilence and anxiety). I also experienced sustained trauma about 10 years ago when one after the other of my two DC had life-threatening illnesses (they're OK now but it left me with severe distrust of doctors as they were borderline negligent). I have had counselling for all of this which has really helped but the anxiety never goes away and I have suffered with health anxiety ever since.

3 months ago I had breast cancer and a mastectomy. I've now finished all of my treatment and got the all clear but feel really lost about how to process it all. I'm having counselling and CBT, and started sertraline 5 weeks ago, and it all helps a bit but I currently feel like I'm never going to be able to get over my traumatic experiences and live a "normal" life.

3 months after diagnosis/surgery should I be feeling more normal? I still cry at random times, feel really fatigued (and old) most of the time and it still feels like it was all a dream and I can't quite believe I had cancer.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking but was wondering if other people have experienced the same and if there are any tips as to how to process everything that's happened in a healthy way. It seems like life just goes on and as if I never had cancer so still all feels very surreal.

Sorry for everything that's happened to you. I've found the havening technique by Paul McKenna really helpful for cptsd. It's available on YouTube and he uses EMDR therapy. It's worked well for me.

Sorry, that sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I can’t speak to CPTSD, but I had EDMR therapy for ptsd, and it was life changing for me. I didn’t realise how much it was effecting every facet of my life until I came out the other side.

It sounds to me as if you are actually doing rather well after all the dreadful things that have happened to you, and I commend you for seeking the proper treatments.

Trauma is a strange thing - on the one hand it affects us profoundly; and on the other we almost disbelieve it all happened; as you say, it feels like a dream.

I went through years of looking after my very sick DH, having to take the decision not to treat when he became really sick, watching him die and knowing that I would carry that guilt forever. But bizarrely, as you say, there are times when I just disbelieve it - clearly it all happened as here I am on my own - but it seems like some sort of hazy dream.

So I do get where you are coming from. The human mind is a strange thing, seeming to protect itself well from some things, but often falling apart at something seemingly small.

I do not have any wise words, but I just wanted to say that when I read your post I felt impressed by the way you seem to have faced up to all that you have been confronted with and are trying to deal with it.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through so much. I have had CPTSD for 22 years, but I recently completed EMDR therapy. It was life changing for me. I’d no idea how CPTSD had and was affecting my life.

EMDR is not easy, what therapy is? But it is worth every second of. I feel like a different person. I am a different person because of it.

Hi op, you are so soon after diagnosis and surgery, it could be up to a year before you are back to full energy again. Anaesthetic is no small undertaking for the body. Most people don't know this (why would you) but I have been told by respiratory physicians that it can lower your lung function for a year before it comes back up again.

There is a brilliant talk by a doctor who specialises in cancer treatment called After The Treatment What Next, if you google you should find it. You might find it helpful.

I found journalling helpful, also setting small challenges and planning around things I might find difficult.

I second EMDR therapy. But I don't know that a vanishing of the trauma happens so much as you're able to put it somewhere rather than having it spill over everything.

OP you have been through so much. I'd be congratulating myself I think!

Yes you can feel better. CBT can be amazing. I've also heard wonderful things about EMDR but please research very carefully for the right practitioner.

Lots of luck and best wishes.

Oh gosh, 3 months is nothing. I think there’s a real pressure to get better quick and carry on, but I, and the ladies I had treatment with, all felt very ashamed and guilty that it was taking us so long to feel better. In the olden days you’d have been sent to Switzerland for a year ( maybe) but now we are expected to jog on. I found it took much longer, a year or so but slowly you feel a little bit better, a little bit more energy and then somehow, without noticing you have your energy back but it took me over a year.
Iv struggled with trauma too and tried cbt. I’ve tried loads of different therapists and slowly it’s beginning to sink in. I also find listening to countless you tube videos useful. Haven’t tried emdr, except fo a mate who was mucking about, but even that was surprisingly effective. Going to give that a go.
Advise getting in touch with a Maggies center. They do courses for after cancer. Good luck x

Also as the previous poster says, definitely do your research. It’s worth paying more for someone more qualified.

Also the 8 week NHS Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course is great.

You truly have been through so much. I too have heard that EMDR has great results. I had my first consultation with my therapist last week, she was lovely and I start the EMDR tomorrow 🤞
I went through Anxiety U.K., I paid for the yearly prescription then they matched me to the therapist and I got that at a reduced rate.
I hope you find something that works for you.

Attend to the body not just the mind as trauma is held in our bodies. Somatic therapies can help including emdr, TRE, and others. Vagus nerve has a large role to play in trauma . Irene Lyons has some stuff to say on YouTube also Peter Levine

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and suggestions. I am going to look them all up. I'm really interested in EDMR in particular but my therapist has suggested waiting a bit before trying it (I can't actually remember why now - that's another trauma symptom I seem to have, forgetting things!).

Thank you also for the supportive words. I find it really hard to be self-conpassionate as I've always seen myself as strong and not someone to wallow in self-pity so I get frustrated that I'm not "over it" and I get frustrated that I still feel like an anxious mess most of the time.

I also don't want to bore my friends or DH with moaning about what has happened to me but other than my therapist there's no one else to talk to about how I'm feeling. DH is brilliant and really supportive but I don't want to keep going on about the same thing all the time. And he's pretty stressed qt work so I feel bad about adding to it or sounding like I'm complaining or "woe is me".

I suppose it just feels like everyone expects life to go on as normal but I still feel like I'm wading through mud trying to come to terms with it all. It's hard to imagine things improving but I know I need to give it more time.

Another book I dont think has been mentioned is The Body Keeps The Score. I found Compassion Focused Therapy helpful too.

Unmumsnetty hug op

Have you tried art therapy? You can use it as a way of expressing yourself at home between sessions too.

I get the impression that what you're experiencing is similar to that surreal feeling when you have a bereavement and your whole life has been turned upside down, but the world is still turning, everyone's life is moving forwards including your own and people, whilst sympathetic, expect you to be fine after about two weeks, so you pretend you are and barely mention it, if at all, but inside you're reeling and everything feels off balance.

I hope you can find the support you need to work through your problems and come out the other side intact.

Could you try homeopathy

Yes I think it does feel a bit like a bereavement, and because I'm lucky enough not to need chemo etc everyone seems to think that it's all done and dusted. I'm rubbish at art but I did buy a paint by numbers kit and find that helpful when I'm feeling panicky as it's very mindful.

Whoever recommended the speech about "after the treatment finishes" thank you. It made me cry a lot as it felt like the first time someone expressed how I'm feeling and made me feel less alone. I think crying is also healing.

Not sure how I feel about homeopathy, it seems like more of a placebo effect to me. I don't see how it could affect my thoughts and emotions.

I've read the body keeps the score a while ago and thought it was great, perhaps I should reread it. I'm not sure if it gives practical advice though? I remember finding it a bit scary how much damage the trauma might have done to my body.

For practical advice that is relatively simple to do without a therapist (but obviously bette with one who knows about it), is polyvagal theory. I wish it had a different name! Look up Deb Dana (not Stephen Porges who came up with it - Deb Dana explains it better!). She has Polyvagal Theory in Therapy which I found explained it well plus had some exercises. There's another one if hers that has 50 exercises and it's also good but the other one explains it more.

I wouldn't suggest this is the answer but it definitely helps in learning to recognise how we're feeling in a way that I found wasn't too confronting - ie it wasn't triggering!

EMDR can definitely help too. Some therapists don't want to start until the individual is able to have a "window of tolerance" while others say that for many people they can't develop that until they've worked through some of the trauma (often by EMDR), so can start any time.