Please help me/ rationalise this

[Capricorn8990]

I am absolutely beside myself. I tested positive for covid and I cannot go to my best friends wedding that I was a bridesmaid.

I have to isolate at home alone and I cannot cope with my thoughts. I feel so unstable.

I suffer with poor management of emotions and OCD and don't know how to get through these emotions.

I am such a let down and a bad person. I must have bad karma.

Do you have any support around you to help you talk through this?

This is horrible for you but definitely not your fault, you can't control it.

@TheAverageUser I do but nobody understands what I'm feeling. I feel like my heart has been ripped from me. I love my friend dearly and I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid before and I was so happy and felt privileged to have been asked.

I want to just drink and forget about how I'm feeling

I'm sorry this sounds hard for you. I suspect drinking would make you feel much worse. Do you have someone in rl you can chat it through with. Even if they don't understand totally they can help support you.

@TheAverageUser I have my partner but I've been crying since Sunday and I feel so bad for him cos he shouldn't have to put up with me. I feel like a terrible person right now. I know alcohol isn't the answer. I just want to numb these feelings x

I am such a let down and a bad person. I must have bad karma.

They are very strong statements. You have contracted a virus that many millions of people have suffered from - nothing more, nothing less. By not going to the wedding surely that makes you a good person? Surely if you were a bad person you would go along and pass it to other people.

Do you feel that other people who have caught Covid have bad karma?

I think you need to reframe it. If you believe in karma etc then you have a belief in all things "other" to some extent. Maybe your body is telling you it needs a break! That you need some downtime / quiet time. The covid is a manifestation of this. You'll get the break that you need (albeit with covid). Something good will come of it in the end! Give yourself a little break! Maybe something much worse would have happened at the actual wedding.... Hope you feel better soon.

@Sarahlou63 I struggle to manage my emotions and not overreact. I have been a mess. Today is the only morning where I've woken up and not been crying.

I don't think they are bad people at all but it's just the circumstances that I am in 😢 which makes me think, I must've done something wrong somewhere for it to happen now x

@muffindays perhaps 😞 I was just really excited to go. Ohh don't say that cos I will worry about what may have happened if I was there lol. OCD is torturous x

@Capricorn8990 - when you have time please have a read of this guide I think you'll find it really useful. Be kind to yourself

I'm sorry you're ill and I'm sorry that you can't go to the wedding. Just get yourself better. I have no wise words regarding your worrying but pps are right. You're doing a good thing isolating. A selfish person would go and put others at risk.
Be kind to yourself op.
What would you say to someone else in this position?

You must firstly be kind to yourself. This is not your fault or karma or anything like that. Things happen that get in the way of things that we were really looking forward to. It happens to us all. Please try to internalise that thinking.

Secondly, isn't it good that you didn't bring coronavirus unwittingly to the wedding? It's very lucky you've found out now and not later. Please try focus on that point.

Next, have a think about how you can do something special with your friend when you're better. Make a plan and share it with the bride. Make it something you can both look forward to.

Finally, the MOST important thing is that you are well. So rest, eat, drink, take vitamins and watch lots of TV. Maybe buy some books on self help and CBT and loving yourself.

The problem here is not that you have coronavirus (and that it's royally screwed up your plans), it's that you are mean to yourself and don't see how important it is that you are happy and well.

Have you spoken to your friend?

@Sarahlou63 thank you so much, I'll take a look 😘 xx

@Amdone123 thank you very much. I am proud of myself that I have been selfless. I have elderly parents who would not survive covid if they got it. I would tell someone in my position that they are doing the best thing by not going and there will be other opportunities to make memories. I am feeling better today x

@Imcatmum I know I need to be kind to myself but I punish myself for everything. I have immense guilt and low self esteem. I have a counselling session later today which I am looking forward to.

I am glad that I found out I have it now rather than going and spreading it. My friend has a wonderful family and friends and I wouldn't want them to get unwell due to me.

I have asked her if she would like to go to pasture which is our favourite place when we can get a booking and hopefully we can have a night out. Her mum said we can arrange a bridesmaid evening too.

I've not been eating well but I've had no appetite and everything makes me feel sick but I've been drinking water and OJ and taking vitamins. Getting enough sleep etc. I think I may watch love island past series, my guilty pleasure.

I will try to be kind to myself, I just want to get out of the house but of course I can't. I would've done 18 days isolation by the time I can leave isolation, so it's pretty tough x

@Imcatmum ps thank you for making me feel better. Your words mean a lot x

@HollysBush I have - she was so understanding. I was worried our friendship would be ruined but she said she loves me and it cannot be helped x