Faced my dental phobia yesterday

[conxray]

Name changed for this.
I'm so proud of myself but I have absolutely no one I can tell.
I have a severe dental phobia and hadn't been to the dentist for 30 years until yesterday. I've never told anyone about the phobia. I started refusing to go when I was 14. I don't think my parents realized how bad it was.

Anyway, it has taken me forever to get up the courage to go. I am so fucking proud of myself. I have spent a year trying to find a dentist I could even face going to. Most wouldn't even email back. I couldn't phone as that was just too much. Every time I looked at a website or wrote an email I started feeling faint and sick. I'd cry after the email was sent. Most of the fuckers never wrote back.
Eventually one did.... I'm in Europe and she is 4 hours away in another country... but the way she wrote back made me think I could do it.

It took another couple of months with a bit of emailing to get the courage to make an appointment.
I went yesterday. Had to stay overnight in a hotel where I cried and panicked all night. I still made it into the practice yesterday, started crying and hyperventilating immediately
BUT when the dentist came out to get me something about her calmed me down. We'd agreed just to have a tour of the practice and a chat about my worries and how the phobia arose but within an hour she'd managed to do an X-ray and I'd sat in the chair, then lay down in it and let her look in my mouth.
I cannot believe it. I'm just so proud of myself for doing it but can tell no one as I will then have to "own up" to the dental phobia.

She said my teeth are in good condition and that I have looked after them very well. I was fearing a situation where half of them would have to be pulled.
She said I have superficial caries in some teeth. There's a wisdom teeth situation going on - they might need to come out but they can only come out in a hospital because of the way they are sitting on nerves. Fucking hell.

I feel so much better. I'm not panicking about the fillings. I might do when we get that far but the next step is that I go back in a couple of weeks for her to do a scale and polish. She wants to take everything in little steps so I feel comfortable. She said if the scale and polish is too much in one go she will do just the upper teeth and then I can have a lunch break and decide if I want to do the lower ones too or not.
I honestly think it's going to be ok and I can do this step.

I've tortured myself for 30 years and thought I'd never find a solution. I've done the first step and I can do the next. Then we'll see about the fillings.... but as I've also had a needle phobia and managed to get the COVID vaccine, maybe I can do a filling too.

Thank you to anyone who listened to this. I sort of want to celebrate getting this far!

I think this is the best post I have ever read. Well done you.

Oh my goodness that is just brilliant! Well done you!! This has made my evening- I also have a dental fear (and my husband is a dentist 😳) so I am reall impressed!

This is amazing OP, you should feel so proud of yourself. I imagine it's made you feel like shit all your life and you can now stop. I've never had an issue with dentists but I just couldn't bring myself to have a smear test, fear of pain and instruments and loss of control etc. No issues with sex. Had two babies (though by c section) And I had one done last month at the grand age of 36 and it was fine! I felt so proud and that a black cloud of worry and feeling lesser was lifted!

This is amazing OP, you should feel so proud of yourself. I imagine it's made you feel like shit all your life and you can now stop

Yes it has made me feel shit all my life.
Especially the last 18 months where I've been working up to going. I was waking in the night most nights in a cold sweat about it and having regular panic attacks during the day.

I feel like something is missing as there isn't this constant anxiety there about having to have all my teeth out.

My teeth actually look nice too. I had looked at them twice in 30 years before this week! They are a bit wonky but not bad enough to cause issues! I don't want to get them straightened now as I play a musical instrument professionally and any straightening could completely ruin my embouchure. So as long as the teeth are healthy and look white they can stay as they are.

Next step: filling..... if I can keep the anxiety level down so it doesn't tip into panic everything will be fine.
I looked at the syringe at my last visit and it didn't freak me out at all.

Updating my thread again:
I had a filling today.
I never thought that would even be possible!
I wasn't any more stressed than the last time when I had the scale and polish - I thought it was going to explode into panic at one point but I think I have it under control now.
My dentist persuaded me NOT to have an injection and just have the filling done without anesthetic! We discussed this for quite a long time.. I wasn't convinced.
The caries I have is all superficial she says and she would not need to drill deep into the tooth therefore I could save myself the anesthetic as it would make little difference. Even with it you feel vibrations and pressure.
So in the end I agreed and I have a little red stop card which she said to raise if anything hurt at all - then she'd stop and numb the tooth.
She said she was going to be using the scaler to get the "discoloration" off first and would then decide whether she needed to use the "burr". The "burr" it turns out is actually the drill.
The scaling was all fine and then she swapped to the drill (sneakily...) and I only noticed because the noise increased in pitch.
It was done in no time - no pain, nothing. It wasn't even unpleasant at all. Not fun but not shit either.
Can't believe this!
I have to go back in 3 weeks for 2 more fillings, then another 2 and then we are onto regular check-ups as everything will have been dealt with which needs to be treated.

The worst thing is that between the scale and polish and filling appointments I kept forgetting that the situation is being dealt with and that I know the state of my teeth and what has to be done. So I've been breaking out in cold sweats and panic, panicking about having to have all my teeth out, panicking about the dentist etc - and then having to remind myself that the situation is, in fact, under control and I've been to a dentist three times.
It's amazing!

And I love my dentist because she swears her head off - only in front of me apparently... very professional for other patients.
But I am very sweary (so shoot me) and it helps me to relax.
Also it was reassuring that she herself wakes up on the morning of a dental appointment and says "Oh fucking hell, fucking dentist, fuck"!!!

Today we have been talking about the discoloration on the two lateral incisors. There are two dark yellow spots. They were caused by the antibiotic tetracycline. Long story - won't go into it here unless anyone is REALLY interested.
But basically if you get up close they don't look nice. At normal speaking distance it's ok. I don't want any invasive treatments because of needing to preserve my embouchure for my musical instrument.
Dentist says "I think your teeth look fine as they are and if anyone doesn't like it, fuck them". Which just made me laugh as you really don't expect a medical professional to be saying fuck this and fuck that.

With all her effing and blinding she's changed my life!

Well done op, I don’t know you but feel so proud of you!! I hate the dentist; not quite the same scale as you but even I dread going and put it off so really well done. A good dentist makes the world of difference! Mine has retired and next week I have my first appt with this replacement.. wish me luck xxxx

Thank you!
Good luck with the replacement.
At least mine is young so it will be a long time before she retires!

Another update:
I had two fillings done today. That's it. I'm finished! Unbelievable. She initially said 4 molars needed doing but one of them doesn't actually have a cavity at all - it had some discoloration.
I was not in the least bit bothered today and if you re-read my OP from just two months ago it's amazing really!
Fabulous dentist - I'm so glad I kept contacting people until I found the right one. If any other dental phobics are reading this just keep trying until you find someone who is right for you.

So now I am back to regular check-ups and scale/polish like other "normal" people. I'm going in January - she said in 6 months time but I requested not to leave it that long to ensure the phobia/fear has no chance to set in again. She said that was fine.
I might be getting composite bonding on my tetracycline stained front teeth (4 at the front) but I'm not sure as that is what I had done when I was younger and they were a bloody nightmare. Falling off. Going brown round the edges. Causing inflamed gums (but maybe the dentist back there was just shit.

I don't want veneers or crowns due to me playing a brass instrument and I (and the dentist) don't want to drill into healthy teeth and risk ruining my embouchure.

Anyway,.... such an enormous relief!

Hi @conxray I've just read this whole thread and I'm so proud of you! This has really inspired me as I have a horrific dental phobia and need to have a filling in the morning as I'm in a lot of pain.

@MeredithMae I'm glad this has helped you.
Take a red card or something you can wave if you feel uncomfortable - ti gives you more of a sense of control.
My dentist also gives me a stress ball to squeeze.

You will be fine. Honestly!
And I never used to believe anyone saying that sort of thing as once a dental phobia takes hold it's really difficult to see beyond it.
I had visions of drilling going on for "hours" when in fact it doesn't. The actual drilling is only a tiny part of the filling.

Treat yourself to something afterwards. I go to another country and actually it's all turned out rather nicely. I was determined to reward myself each time I went and I've now had 3 short breaks in that country and explored the place. So the actual dentist appointments of around 1 - 1.5 hours have become a tiny part of a nice trip away. I'll be doing the same when I go back in January for a check-up and scale and polish.

If you can try to associate it with something fun it will definitely help.

But just to reassure you, I felt absolutely nothing during the 3 fillings I had and they were done without anaesthetic. Yes, there's a bit of vibration and a bit of faffing around but nothing approaching any kind of pain. And as you've been in pain you will feel so much better afterwards.

All the best for tomorrow!

Thanks so much for your reply. I’m terrified but honestly this thread made me cry with relief earlier!

So pleased you’ve managed to turn it into a nice experience.

Thanks again. And I’m proud of you! From a stranger on the internet!

Let me know how you get on tomorrow!

oh god, @conxray. I got there. I got in the chair. I had the injection. Controlled my panic throughout (a bit of crying). Then.... their equipment stopped working so I had to go home. I can't believe it, I spent the whole night psyching myself up. So now awaiting another date.

@MeredithMae.
Oh no!!!! That's just the worst. Poor you.
But you did absolutely brilliant to get in the chair and have the injection.
Try to think positively about it - you've practised the first half of the procedure so the next time it will be a bit easier to get in the chair and then have the injection.
You've done really really well.
Just feel bad for you that this happened.

I know this is an old thread but am hoping some of the posters are still around.
I am going to the dentist on Thursday ....for the first time in 25 years.
Have been terrified and panicky. Am mortified about not having gone and what state they might be in.
But a chunk has broken off one of back teeth so i am going. I almost feel relieved that the decision has been taken out of my hands.

Hi @Skelligsfeathers
Yes, I'm still around!
As I said to another poster, take a red card which you can raise if you want them to stop.
Be completely honest about how terrified you are. Don't try to brave it out or cover it up somehow.
If you really don't get on with the dentist you could try another one, but obviously now a chunk has broken off it needs to be treated ASAP.
Try to think about what the worst bits are for you - for me it turned out to be needle phobia and loss of control - rather than the actual dental treatment itself.

I do think dentistry has moved on since 30 years ago (which was the length of time I hadn't been). The whole practice situation is less scary somehow - more modern designs to be more calming. Equipment and techniques have improved.

You can do this!

After the experiences I posted about above, I actually went and got cosmetic treatment done - composite bonds on 4 teeth. Took 2 and half hours. This time last year I was sitting crying my eyes out and absolutely inconsolable about the thought of going to a dentist at all. I'd never have believed that I could overcome the terror.

You are so brave! I am really in awe of you.
The dentist i am seeing is the one my children have grown up with. I have spoken to her in the past about my phobia. Dh made the appointment for me- told them how long it has been and that i am really scared.
I have a really strong gag reflex, so people putting things in my mouth is horrendous. Even cleaning them is an ordeal but i am scrupulous about doing it.

It's good that she knows the circumstances already so she will be prepared. Make sure she knows about the gag reflex too.
I would suggest you go in and just have a chat with her. If you feel up to it let her have a look inside your mouth. Or ask her to do an x-ray then she can get a good idea of what is going on before she even looks inside.
I did the x-ray first - before I went I was sure I wasn't going to even get in the chair, never mind let her look. But once she'd calmed me down and I'd had the x-ray and I knew I didn't have a massive problem on my hands it all got better from then on in.

Keep posting on here if you want - I'll keep popping into the thread.
Sometimes you don't know you have the courage inside you to do something like this until you actually have to do it - because phobias are awful, they just take over everything and get completely out of control. And very few people understand how bad it is. Most people have dental anxiety to some extent but it isn't the same thing at all.

I've been!!!!😲

I was a bit of a mess. But she was SO nice.
She had a good look and i had x rays.😲

I need the broken tooth repaired and i need a scale and polish but otherwise they look ok!!!
She said she wants to take it slowly and will do the scaling in stages. She wants to concentrate on my gums .
I feel so proud of myself!

Well done you! You did brilliantly!
And good news about your teeth too.
You should be proud. It's a huge thing you did.
The scale and polish will be fine - see my above description. It wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done in my life, but it was perfectly ok - and if she's going to do it in stages that's great as you get used to being in the chair and having treatment and so on.

Just reading this - and in total awe! Well done you. I haven't been to the dentist in decades. I'm terrified and find it so so painful...
Recently we have discovered a family history of EDS which is often associated with local anaesthetic failure. It made sense - I'm also terrified and in agony when epidurals are been sited. Apparently a special type of LA does work - I just need to build up the courage to see the dentist.

I am so glad I started my thread last year. I just did it to be able to talk about what I'd achieved when I couldn't tell any family members or friends because of my shame and embarrassment about my phobia. I've been surprised how many people have either posted on the thread or sent me private messages talking about their own phobia. I hope I have helped a few people.

@Izzadoraduncancan As you can see from my posts, I was absolutely terrified. I had a phobia of the dentist and not dental anxiety which is a completely different thing (most people have some anxiety about dental treatment). That's why if you really do have a phobia you get a lot of rolled eyes and people telling you to pull yourself together. There's a serious lack of understanding about this topic and that includes a lot of dentists. When I was searching for a dentist I kept coming across dentists making a big deal about how they dealt with "nervous patients" but I could tell they wouldn't really understand me. A lot didn't even contact me back. A few were brusque in their replies to me. The dentist I eventually went with had absolutely nothing on the website about dealing with anxious patients - funnily enough! But she wrote the best email to me and was prepared to work with me to help me.

So in your case I would start looking around to see what dentists are available in your area. And start putting feelers out. It took me a whole year from deciding that I had to start tackling the situation to actually getting to the dentist. Just take it one tiny step at a time. Find someone you can talk to first. If you feel uncomfortable about the way a dentist or a receptionist talks to you or emails you, try another one.

If you haven't been to the dentist in decades you will be surprised how things have moved on. I certainly was. The grim dark dental practices with scary looking equipment are a thing of the past. Also the techniques have moved on. I discovered that alongside the lack of control issue, one thing which was triggering me was the feeling that practices might not be hygienic enough - the grubby ones I had to go to as a child probably weren't dirty, it was just the look of them back in the day. The hygiene standards where I go now are impeccable and because everything is white and bright it just looks better and less scary.

Keep posting on here if you like, I pop in from time to time to see if any other dental phobics have appeared!

Thank you for starting it- it has been of real help. It is so nice to know that i am not the only person who starts sweating and has to leave the room when people start talking about the dentist!

Well done you! I could have written your post, I recently decided to face the dentist after not going since 1982. The amount of work I needed was nowhere near what I had expected, 2 fillings & a root canal. which didn't hurt in the slightest!

Well done, what incredible progress and you did it all yourself. You deserve to feel so proud of yourself for your determination and strength of character.

I completely understand because I have had a similar experience. I couldn’t sit in a dentist’s chair for years and years and it got worse as I needed more work doing. Then I had children and was determined that I would take them to a dentist. Step by step i too faced my fear, to the degree that I had all of the remedial work done and have now been regularly visiting the dentist for 10 years. At the end of last year I took the plunge and had a full examination and the x-rays and facial mapping for Invisalign, which I’m now 6 months into. Regaining control over my fear of the dentist is one of my proudest achievements. Overcoming anxiety feels really empowering.