Doubting this is real now

[Correlation]

Hi all

I’ve been on sertraline now for PND for a couple of months and recently upped the dosage to 100mg.
I still feel like I’m sinking. If someone could tranquillise me I’d be quite happy. I love my baby and feel a bond with her but everyday feels like I’m a can being crushed. I feel I cannot do this, I’m a shit mother, she will be affected negatively by me etc etc. But now that my sertraline has gone up and I still feel like this I’m starting to doubt that I’m depressed and just think this is me, this is my inability to cope and I don’t deserve my daughter, or she doesn’t deserve a useless mother like me.

I don’t really know what to do at this point.

How old is your baby?

I'm sure I had pnd but ignored it and was miserable for a long time so well done for getting help!
Are you getting out and about? Visitors coming to see you both? Help from your partner etc?

You are not a shit mother, you just need help and support. Are you having therapy at all? Do you have a supportive partner and friends?

I regress each time I have a dose increase and then settle again and feel better after a few weeks, when was the increase?

Hi, thanks for replying. My baby is 4 months old. Sorry to hear you were miserable - it’s so hard. When did you start to feel better?
I’m getting out a bit, not many visitors and lots of help from my husband which I am very grateful for.

It sounds like depression but you may need to switch to another medication if it carries on not helping you like it should.

@Flamingo49 I am having therapy but struggle to engage with it at the moment as feeling so low.

@Scutterbug oh really? I upped my dose 2 weeks ago now from 50mg to 100mg. Was thinking I might need to try something else

It takes about 6 weeks to feel the full benefits of setraline. Your increased dose will not be working for a while yet so do persevere with the medication.

Feeling useless or unable to cope is a symptom of PND, it's not any indication of your skills as a parent or a reflection of you as a person. I'm sorry you're battling PND, it's a horrible illness but you will get better. Hang in there and take any support offered. X

Honestly it wasn't until 12m+ maybe a bit longer.
But since you have seeked help I'm sure you will feel better much sooner and i think you will see a difference in the next few weeks/months when your baby is a bit more responsive and active.
I think getting out more and more really helped when I realised it wasn't as big a hoo ha as I'd built up in my head and if anyone came round to see us I always felt a bit more upbeat

That's great you have a supportive husband. I have heavily relied on mine and thank goodness he surpassed my expectations.
Also, what about time just yourself...for a hair appointment maybe? Are you breastfeeding?

Hi Op. I've been where you are and I'm 20 months down the line.
I also began on Sertraline, but found it made me nauseas, hungry and did not appear to change my mood which was anxious and depressive most of the time. I too thought perhaps it is just me. I had therapy and support and I've swapped medication. But, I realised that some of it WAS just me. I was not as natural a mother as I dreamt I'd be. The reality of parenthood WAS hard. My past trauma was affecting me also, I've since had therapy on that. You are NOT a useless mother. You love your daughter and have a bond with her. For a long time I am saddened to say I felt very little towards my son, but I cared for him the best I could, no one ever suggested I was a useless mother. I thought I was, but looking back I wasn't.
I don't know if my story is helpful or not, but the adjustment to motherhood is hard, with or without mental health issues, but you will find a new sense of 'normal' and when things settle more, eg you go back to work etc, you may feel differently.
Sending you a.virtual hug 🌸

@SmileyClare thank you.

@horehound I struggle to take too much time for myself as end up feeling really guilty and worry that she won’t nap etc. I do try to have a bath from time to time. I’m not breastfeeding.

Thanks for sharing @Imnewhere1991 I know my past still affects me too and I expected to struggle with motherhood to a certain extent but the reality is so much harder than I could have imagined.