Mums friend leaning on me

[Winenota]

I don’t really know her. But she is now in a home and can’t move but is fine mentally. Everyone around her has dementia. She is depressed as she is basically in the room till she dies. She’s upset at all her belongings going ( had to sell flat) she calls me every day, usually lots of missed calls if I don’t pick up. But it’s an hour or half an hour out of my day. I don’t know what to say to entertain her, and feel exhausted just talking rubbish. It’s such a shame. She can’t talk to my mum as she now has dementia. She mentioned looking into euthanasia. Would like to help, obv. But have family , work, house etc. Also Mil I’ll, fil depressed, Dh depressed but trying.neighbour talks about self, relative is the same. Beginning to feel a bit wrung out tbh! And invisible. When is someone going to talk about me?!

Ive not got any great advice but could you set a time limit (in your mind obviously) of half an hour for the phone call. Once that half an hour is up you have to end the call even if you have to make an excuse why. That way mentally you know this will only be half an hour. You could also do something elsr while on the call so you aren't really listening and taking on things emotionally. As for everyone else dragging you down you need to seek people and places with a "higher energy". People and places which are positive and make you happy. This will counter the negativity you face elsewhere. Also just try and switch off from other peoples problems. Your in laws are depressed for example but you and your dh don't needs to be. Its their problem to solve. Also i find focussing on just "today" helpful and not worrying about tomorrow. Ask yourself- what is it i need to do today? How can i improve today?

Thanks mistyplanet.
So nice to hear from you. Yes, they are good ideas, and will try them all!
Am so over being a grown up.

I know what you mean! Hope you have a good weekend x

She can't move at all?

Depending on what she can/can't do - audiobooks? A chatty, newsy letter/tape/email/mp3 file from you every now and then? Newspapers/audio of them. The RNIB do them, don't they?

Presumably the home is helping her with this sort of stuff, just thought I'd mention it in case.

For yourself, can you pull back a little from other people's woes and carve out some time for yourself? A yoga class, a sport with friends or just some quiet time in the garden, relaxing. Remember you're just as important as everybody else, perhaps more so, because they're all leaning on you.

I would only answer the phone a couple of times a week.

And do not apologise when you don't answer, that will make it seem as though you have a duty to her.

AgeUK can provide phone befrienders, if you could get her set up with that it would take a little off your shoulders:

www.ageuk.org.uk/services/befriending-services/

Oh my gosh! Thanks I will call age uk ASAP.
She broke her back, ouch. So is in a home. So not surprising she depressed.
That’s a good idea not to apologise for not answering.
Thanks so much. You are all great, I was feeling far too responsible for everyone else.