What's the difference between being 'ground down' and depressed?

[withinacceptabletolerances]

Life is grinding me down. I have a SEND child who is lovely but hard work. Every interaction with him is long winded and tiring. Have a younger child too. Senior job where we're always understaffed so I'm carrying a lot. I have Endometriosis, a back problem and potentially now ME. Spend lots of time and money on supplements, exercises, osteopath, appointments etc. Amazing DH who does most of housework and a cleaner so have help. I'm never happy, can't see the joy in anything, can't take a joke, suck the fun out of everything and cry a lot. Am I just a victim of a hard life or am I depressed? Is there any point seeing a GP as they can't change my circumstances? Apologies to anyone with a harder life or serious depression, maybe many would think my set up is fine....

Depression isn't necessarily just about circumstances, and support for depression can help you feel more positive despite your circumstances being the same.

Counselling could look at patterns of thinking, medication could correct any chemical imbalance. It sounds rather like you are depressed, but also need a huge break. It sounds like you've farmed out what you can. Other than changing your job is there anything within your power that would make a big difference to your circumstances?

I would see the GP.

Thanks for the thoughtful response @dogbloodytired and love the username! I think you've hit on my main two problems- 1) I need a break and I can't really get one as no overnight childcare and 2) I don't feel like there's a lot in my power to change. I'm stuck on a treadmill and I can't get off. Such a helpless feeling. I've had CBT before but got very frustrated with it- I don't think I was ready to change my thought patterns to be honest. Maybe I should just speak to the GP and see what they say. I just feel like there's no point as the only thing that I feel would help is a life transplant..

I was extremely sceptical about CBT but after doing it despite my cynicism I found it helpful. But equally therapeutic was the 15-minute conversation with the practitioner about how my week was. It felt luxurious to have dedicated time to think about how I felt. Do you think that would be of benefit to you? It's expensive, but a counsellor you click with can be transformative.

I preface this by saying I don't have children with SEND so this is probably totally unhelpful: How old is DS? Do you have any childcare? If not, would it be worth building up some babysitting an experienced nanny who would consider overnight occasionally once your DS is comfortable with them? Or would you want to take yourself off for a couple of nights while DH was at home with DS? Could you take a week off from work on your own and have a staycation during the day? Get your cleaner in double time, send your laundry out and get takeaways every day so you really minimise the life admin during that time?

Here for solidarity and have the same thoughts. Eldest has range of SEND and ASD. I also have a very long list of chronic health conditions including severe endometriosis.
I don’t know the answer. It’s like I am blunted now and unable to laugh or relax much. I just keep going hoping for better days but feel very low inside.

Hi @Namechange600 welcome to the club. Shit isn't it? Sorry you're also having a tough time. I never thought I'd be in this situation when I was younger.

@dogbloodytired DS is 7 nearly 8. You're right we need to get more creative with the childcare. My parents might just about manage a night with one of the kids, perhaps ILs might agree to the other so we could go away. Would be nice to have a break with DH as our relationship is pretty non-existent. I'm just exhausted thinking about how to help myself. Would antidepressants give me enough motivation to try to help myself? Maybe that's the question for the GP. I want to help myself but I'm too tired and weary...

@withinacceptabletolerances thank you - it’s not a very fun club is it?
I hope you have good medical support and also support for your child too.
The whole thing drags you down doesn’t it.

Antidepressants could lift your mood, and getting more joy from things/not feeling so low could make a big difference. Feeling low and unable to find enjoyment is so hard.

Problem solving all this stuff is additional mental load, and that sucks. Im sorry you're having a shit time.

Thanks @dogbloodytired and @Namechange600 just posting here means I've told my husband what I'm thinking which is a good first step. Typical man he keeps muttering that "he'll fix it". Bless him. But seriously without me posting and you guys replying I probably wouldn't have told him. Much love xxx