Shame spiral - suicidal

[bookworm100]

I've done something stupid at work (really stupid and really embarrassing, sackable) and I'm in a shame spiral. I really don't feel like I deserve to be alive. I've exhausted my friends and family enough with all my problems and I don't feel like I have anywhere left to turn. I called the Samaritans but to be honest I felt like they hurried me off the phone. They did say that someone would call me back at 6pm. Not sure why I'm posting really or what anyone can say.

Hi @bookworm100. That's a shame about Samaritans. Do you think they have been hit with staffing issues/pings. Can't have been easy to feel rushed when you have made the effort to reach out.
You sound in a difficult place. Are you waiting to hear from work? Do they know what has happened? Sometimes it's easier to seize the situation than wait with ending anxiety.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. We understand you've already done this, but please do contact them again if needed.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Ah, you poor thing. What have you done?

Everyone does stupid things sometimes. I am sure no one will judge you as harshly as you do yourself.

I don't know what you have done but I bet it is not so bad. I am sure you haven't killed anyone, abused a child, or conducted a mass genocide!

And even murderers and child abusers go to prison, do work on themselves, take responsibility, make reparation and be accepted again in society.

So I am sure whatever it is you have done, it doesn't have to be life-defining.

Would you feel better if you could take some steps to make amends for it?

Whatever happens OP, it really will pass. Dealing with the fallout in a situation like that is nearly always preferable than the horrible anxiety beforehand.

I wonder if it might be worth contacting your GP or local mental health services. Sometimes you can self refer. It might be helpful to get some support whilst you are struggling.

I had forgotten about the Samaritans email option. I used that for a while several years ago. The replies can be really slow (12-24 hours) but I found that it gave me something to hang on for when feeling bad.

Please be gentle with yourself. Shame, embarrassment, feelings of worthlessness are horrible feelings. But no one is perfect, and you are no more flawed or messed up than anyone else is. These feelings will shift, maybe they'll come back again sure, but you won't constantly feel like this forever, as you've been through this before and come out the other side. Focus today on small things you can do for yourself xx

Guilt=I did something bad
Shame=I am bad

You have no need to be ashamed OP, you are not bad. Whilst it is true that actions have consequences, you did not mean to make that mistake and it doesn't reflect who you are. No one, including yourself, has the right to judge you on one error. You I am sure strive to do the right thing in life and if 99 times you did the right thing and 1 time you did the wrong thing that is OK, this is how we learn. Try to show compassion and kindness to yourself if you can x