Embarrassed/ashamed of my anxiety

[Theywereonabreak]

I've been suffering from severe anxiety for a few years (on and off) but recently it has been at its worst. I am lucky to have a kind employer who is ringing me tomorrow to discuss how to support me as I've had to take time off because of it...but I'm just so embarrassed to speak about it. I'm dreading the phone call and have already postponed it twice. Does anyone else feel this way? Only my partner and a couple of close friends know about my diagnosis- non of my family know again because I just feel ashamed of it, like i should be managing better. I used to be such a high achiever, a go getter kind of woman but now I'm hanging on my a thread and feel so embarrassed about how far I have fallen. I'm absolutely dreading the phone call with my boss. I feel like people are having to go out of their way just because I can't handle normal everyday situations.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but try and look at it like this - if you had a physical illness that needed long term treatment, how would you feel about discussing things then? It feels hard to be vulnerable and in a position of needing help.

You cannot help your anxiety, there’s something not quite right with your natural neurotransmitters and probably some social factors too. None of these are your fault or caused by you.

These awful feelings you have right now are not forever, you will one day feel better and you will look back being glad that you reached out and got the help you deserved.

Your boss wants to help you.

I actually manage someone with anxiety and honestly whenever they open up to me, I am grateful to know how I can help. Sometimes they don’t feel like they’ve got their point across verbally and they follow it up with an email - maybe do this if it helps?

I know how you feel. I've been suffering severe anxiety since the start of lock down last year, mainly caused by working at a high stress job and being kicked out the office to work alone. Just had another break down last week after a stressful project and been told to take 2 weeks off and will have easier work when I get back. I feel like a complete failure and like I'm being demoted thanks to it. I'll be bossed around by people junior to me. So ashamed

To add another perspective my colleague was recently diagnosed with anxiety and I think she is a brave and strong woman for standing up and getting help.

I still have some people i don't talk to about my anxiety. But now i have a good number of people i am very open about it with. And a number of people in my team are very open about theirs with me. Starting to talk about it is the hardest. Once you get going its fine.

Its great your boss is sympathetic. You need to be really brave now and not cancel the next call. They want to help you. It is well intentioned. The call will be focussed on making adjustments to make things less overwhelming and triggering. Not for you to bear your soul.

Are there are small things you can do to help yourself get things back under control? What have you done before that had worked? Are you on medication? Do you have a counsellor? Have you tried cbt or accupuncture?

Have you tried listening to other people talk about theirs on a podcast to just understand how normal it is? Fern cottons Happy place podcast is very accessible as is how did we get here with tanya bryon and claudia winkelman.

Is there someone you can have a little practice on who isnt your boss. A friend etc?

Mostly adults have an anxiety disorder. Women are twice as likely as men to have an anxiety disorder. As for me, put stress in perspective. Try my best to achieve and be proud of however close I get.
Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you.

I understand OP. It's good you have a supportive manager. I do too and I'm also off with anxiety. Going back on 31st Aug! As pp said treat it like a broken leg or other physical illness. I've found over the last 2 months since I was signed off that everyone I have spoken to about it has been very supportive and very respectful. Please try not to be embarrassed

Have you seen your GP and are you on treatment, OP? Beta blockers and/or Sertraline can be very helpful, ditto cognitive behaviour therapy.
Anxiety is extremely common, your workplace will have several other sufferers, and be well used to dealing with it.
There is no need at all to be ashamed of it.

What treatments/medication have you tried so far?