Struggling with self-care and worth

[XenoBitch]

I was discharged from the crisis/home treatment team last week (mood dropped and I was suicidal). My meds have been tweaked a little, but now the rest is down to me. Little baby steps, and trying to look after myself a little better and get more structure to my day.
I used to find a nice bubble bath helpful for relaxing, and I tried one again... and I hated it. My mind was whizzing with awful thoughts (I did try to read a magazine) and I got out after 10 minutes. It feels like I don't deserve to do nice things for myself. I just think.. why bother?

How can I start to enjoy the simple little things again? I am just going through the motions right now.

Ah that's shitty for you.

Is there a new thing you could learn? A sport, a hobby, a craft, a musical instrument, a language, something like that?

I have so many hobbies, taking on another seems too much at the moment. The ones I do have don't spark any sort of enjoyment in me. I guess I need to let the meds kick in, but I know I need to try and do things too.
Do nothing and feel crap... feel crap so do nothing. Is a viscous cycle.

Vicious, not viscous. Autocorrect fail!

What would make you feel good OP? Buy yourself something nice for the home (new duvet cover?), treat yourself? Book yourself a night away. Go for a daytrip. I appreciate these things cost money but sometimes it's well spent and makes a massive difference to how you feel, especially if you have something to look forwards to. I always think as well taking a room or a small area (drawer) if a room seems too big, and deep cleaning or decluttering it can help, small steps to move onto bigger ones! then move the room around if you have the energy. A new room layout can feel really exciting and different. It's funny how things like this can change how we feel about ourselves. Have a clear out. It always helps me refresh and get my mind in order.

I found really small baby steps. And then even smaller. A lipstick by the front door. Eventually a brush there as well. Motivating pins on Pinterest to remind me that I was still here. Crying when you feel like it. ( actually very important. It gets it out of you. Don’t bottle it up).
The biggest thing was to say to myself,’well done’ instead of how I’d cocked up again.and how rubbish I was.’ Well done, you made yourself a cup of tea’ well done, you cleaned your teeth’. It’s hard at first, but it really is powerful.
Well done, you posted on here. Brilliant. You can do this 💐

So sorry to hear you have been struggling O. P. When l need to feel calmer and more grounded l listen to Meditations by Linda Hall on YouTube. I find her voice incredibly soothing and relaxing and it's a gentle way to receive some self care.