What are the signs of ADHD in female adults?

[Thewholeshackshimmy]

I have struggled with life, basically my whole life.
I am 48 now and have always put everything down to severe anxiety but I keep coming across ADHD in adults and am wondering if this is me?
As a child I had many unusual personality traits which my parents put down to just being me.
For as long as I can remember I have been anxious, as a child I could not relax and sleep. I was put on Phenergan.
I was a bit hyper at times and on say, a long car journey my sister would fall asleep instantly yet I would talk non stop the whole time (I even did this on a 9 hour car journey to a Cornwall AND back again!), I had lots of strange phobias and worries . I was a bright child but didn’t succeed at school, I couldn’t concentrate on school work. I would bore of things easily. I was a very fidgety child. I would become overwhelmed with bright lights, noise and crowds. I was very messy and disorganised compared to my neat and tidy sister.
As an adult I still have overwhelming anxiety, I am still fidgety and can’t concentrate on things, I can not sit still in a cinema and watch a film without moving endlessly. I still get overwhelmed by outside stimuli. I am totally disorganised, have piles of half read books everywhere, letters/bills pile up, my car is a mess inside, I just can not physically or mentally relax, feel wired sometimes yet simultaneously I am knackered, I think I am quite bright and know a lot more than my friends do but have never succeeded in life like they have and have had shit/unfulfilling jobs as I bore easily and can not concentrate long term, I would spend money I don’t have if it wasn’t for my dh who is quite grounded, my mind never stops talking, I am scatty and blonde according to many people.
Obviously all of these things may just simple be the generalised anxiety or my basic made up but I have always felt there is something else.

Has anyone been diagnosed at a late age?
What made you go get diagnosed? How did you know you had this?

I could have written almost everything you have and was diagnosed with ADHD combined type a few months ago. The psychiatrist also recommended I pursue an ASD diagnosis, which I haven't done.

I'm 44 and kind of self diagnosed maybe 3/4 years ago, but over the last few years I've had some major personal setbacks which have really knocked me sideways and it's only with a bit of hindsight that I even realised. Covid tipped me over the edge which is when I decided to get diagnosed and try meds as I'm just not really coping with life anymore.

Unlike you, I'm not noticeably physically fidgety at all but I'm fidgety in mind (if that makes sense) and can be impulsive (walking out of jobs, can be very spendy etc). I blurt things out and I'm hugely impatient. Funnily enough though, I'm now reasonably careful with money as my finances are combined with my partners which I find really helpful in not overspending what isn't just mine. I have a very rigid set of morals which helps with that, otherwise I've been consistently in debt for most of my adult life.

There are quite a lot of threads around adult adhd on mumsnet which I've found really helpful, they crop up fairly often.

Diagnosed at 29.

Symptoms:
Disorganised no matter how much I want to be organised
Poor executive function so for example I could know there were dishes needing washed and my whole day is ruined because all I can think about is the dishes needing done and I want to do them so badly but I just can’t get there
Forgetfulness
Leave everything until the last minute
Poor social skills
Make mistakes a lot in work
MESSY!!!!
Short tempered
Hyperfocus on things then just drop them
Impulsive
Constant snacking (dopamine seeking)
Never return library books or post things that need to be posted

I’m basically a child trying to be a working mother of two. Fun times.

jennyyellowwhat I am most definitely fidgety in mind too, totally get that. I am also very impulsive and make stupidly rash decisions at times, including waking out on many jobs. Yes to the lack of patience too.
wantingtogetitright I get so much of what you’ve mentioned. I too hyper focus on things and then totally lose interest, very quickly. I am very short tempered and also want to speed people up sometimes they are just too slow in speech/movement etc and if they dribble on with conversation too long I just switch off then get accused of not listening to them.

wantingtogetitright the child trying to be a working parent is so exactly me. I do find parenting quite tricky at times as I feel the same as my kids and know that I need to be grown up and be the adult but it’s super tricky and feels totally against the grain.

King's College runs a free online course which is quite informative. There's one running now and you can join it here:
www.futurelearn.com/courses/understanding-adhd

I totally get that too. I don't have children but I seem to be behind my peers - even at 44. I didn't know the importance of things like buying a house or getting a pension or even a proper career. For ages I put it down to my parents not teaching me that stuff but I now suspect it's also because I was just a bit 'behind' and matured at a slower pace.

People often think I'm younger than I am which I don't think is necessarily because of how I look but more the way I act and the clothes I wear, I've not quite figured this out but I've been mulling over it a bit since my diagnosis. I've seen other people in various forums and blog posts touch on this too.

I was diagnosed last November at 33 via the nhs. It was actually my psychiatrist and cpn that brought it up

The main problems with me I would say are, pretty bad forgetfulness. For example, I could put a quick 30 minute cycle washing on and forget I've even put anything in there. The amount of detergent I've wasted is infuriating. Forgetting what I was talking about mid sentence. Losing/misplacing things. Zoning out. A lot

Careless due to inattentiveness. I once left my back-back, wide open in the middle of a shop and just walked off wasn't until another customer was asking who's bag it was. That would be mine lol. Leaving my keys in the door

Executive dysfunction. Although this has improved somewhat with medication. Instead of putting it off for 5 hours knowing I need to do the thing. Like have a shower, I now think it and just do it

Impulsive. This is a biggy. Spending, drinking, emotionally. Quick to anger, but goes away just as quick. Impatient. I currently have a half painted wall that I gave up after 5 minutes, as I thought it would be a brilliant idea to start painting at 9:30 at night I quickly got bored of it and it's been like that since last Tuesday

Hyperactive (although I know not everyone is) I can't just sit and relax. Always have to be doing something. Cleaning, organising, browsing through SM, mind constantly on the go and moving about/fidgeting

Takes me ages to fall sleep as my mind races quite a bit. Although I take quetiapine now and that's helped massively to calm me down

Hyperfocus and fixations. I can't put a box set on and think, ok it's 11pm now, I should turn it off and go to bed. Nope! At my worst during lockdown I think I watched 12 episodes over a couple of days, and on the last day completely lost track of time and it was 7 in the morning before I realised!

Can't think what else, there's probably more

I also have bipolar disorder, so I don't know if that skews some of it

Also, just remembered. I lose focus quite easily, and struggle to watch films/documentaries if it doesn't interest me. Which is annoying as I seem to be either totally enthralled or not at all, and it feels like I have no control on either

Also needing subtitles on the tv, or I struggle to understand what people are saying and helps me focus more. Not sure if that's mainly an ADHD thing

It’s so hard OP but be kind to yourself. I’ve actually found it easier to accept my failings since I’ve been diagnosed.

I forgot to mention my sensory issues. If I can hear multiple sounds going on at once like a couple of conversations, music etc I feel so awful.

Thewholeshackshimmy

wantingtogetitright the child trying to be a working parent is so exactly me. I do find parenting quite tricky at times as I feel the same as my kids and know that I need to be grown up and be the adult but it’s super tricky and feels totally against the grain

I was last month. I am in my mid 50s

Dd was the one who pointed me towards ADHD. She was looking through her dyslexia assessment report that she had done when she was in school and it said about getting her tested for ADHD. Obviously as I was ADHD (didn’t know it at the time) I had a look at trying to get her assessed but then probably got distracted and forgot all about it.

Dd then looked up the symptoms and she ticked all the boxes. She showed me and I looked down the list and I said I ticked all the boxes too. And in childhood too.

We had our GP appointments in January and were both diagnosed in July.

Ds is having difficulty in getting himself referred even though one GP at the surgery said he seemed to tick all the boxes and was referring him another GP has now got involved and made him fill out a form and has still not referred him. So far it has been 6 weeks since the first GP said they would refer him.

wantingtogetitright the child trying to be a working parent is so exactly me. I do find parenting quite tricky at times as I feel the same as my kids and know that I need to be grown up and be the adult but it’s super tricky and feels totally against the grain

I didn’t even try to be the adult most of the time. They were safe, fed, bathed. I never had a routine and the rest was about having a good time.
We made use of parks and our Merlin passes as well as all the free museums and stuff London has to offer.
They never got any chores, I can’t cook so I would save up vouchers for restaurants or take a picnic with us.

My house was a mess but dc said they had a brilliant time growing up.

Dd said she would talk to her friends at school about their weekend.
They would be moaning about how they had to clean their room or help with the shopping or go and see adult relatives. Dd would say she went to Legoland on Saturday and Chessington on Sunday

I would even do their homework in primary school if I thought it was going to take too long.

Hi OP I was diagnosed in March this year. Felt very much like you describe. I had a long standing history of anxiety and depression and never felt like I fit in.

Anti depressants and therapies didn't work long term and I wanted to find out the root cause so did a lot of research and went private. It's been very validating but also quite emotional and there has been a lot of "what could have been" thinking but I'm coming out the other side now and starting to accept my diagnosis and appreciate the help that medication provides. It's so worth it. Good luck!

Forgot to say, I'll be 40 in three months.

Can I ask how you managed to get diagnosed? What is the process? Recognise many of these traits but feel as though I have learnt some strategies to overcome some difficulties as I have grown...would this show in the assessments?

We went through the gp and asked to be referred.
We are in an area that we found is quite quick to get assessed and started in meds.

I ticked all of the boxes not just some of the boxes and I did a bit of research.
It was like a lightbulb going off in my head and the realisation that everything in my life that has gone wrong, all the bad choices you have made because in the back of your mind you know you can’t hold down a job, you lose everything, you can’t keep friendships etc are because you have Adhd.
I can see it in generations of my family.

You know something isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on why.
You are forced to watch people who are probably not as smart as you breeze through life whilst you put in huge efforts that get you nowhere.
I started to watch a YouTube channel where someone with ADHD was talking about their childhood and even though this woman was much younger than me, she was from the US whilst I was born and raised in the UK, and she had parents who really supported her whilst my home life was abusive. It was like she was telling the story of my life.

The assessment is comprehensive, although the psychiatrist said I had ADHD after 3 minutes. My knee bounces up and down on its own

It is when you get the meds. I am currently on a much higher dose of amphetamines (Speed). They do nothing apart from make me sleepy