On My Own

[MrsMiaWallace]

have been staying away for reasons i earlier explained,
but after 6 months of dp being at home with us(made redundant) he starts working again tomorrow 6 days a week till 6pm every day.
am happy he's working again for his self esteem as much as the money but wondering what ill be like on my own with dd again?
still havent got new ad's as doc still on hol and although no its the best thing we could do, am a little worried.
i know i can do things my way again but its the seperation and loss of adult conversation each day. how will i manage?

[tammybear]

hey MMW, nice to see u again. im on my own everyday, and only have dd for company. the best thing i find is to go out. you may not necessary being talk to anyone but being around other people does seem to help. doesnt make you feel so isolated. congrats for your dp, and how have you been feeling? xxx

[Aero]

Keep us on in the background and dip in from time to time. Good luck to your dp in his new job. You'll be ok too - might just take a bit of time to adjust. Try to find some things locally to involve yourself in with dd during the day to pass some of the time. How old is she?

[tammybear]

oh yes and good old mumsnet. id crack up if i didnt have this!!

[pixiefish]

MMW- like tammybear says- go out everyday- just for a walk or something- the day soon passes. My dh works horrendous hours, 7 days a week and I work 2 days so am home on my own for 5. I have a little routine everyday that keeps me sane. I go out and about, pop in to different shops (don't spend much) go see different things, local nature reserve. Want to start going to toddler group after Xmas - find things to keep yourself busy and the time will fly

[MrsMiaWallace]

thankyou, he's pleased to be earning again as his redundancy was fritterd away.
my dd is 18 months and i take her to a music/singing group monday afternoons, swim tots wednesday afternoons and playgroup friday mornings.
have more things planned than i used to, but feel worse since we moved as the places we walk through to get to these places is a bit questionable, which makes me feel like im not doing my best for dd bringing her up around here.
had sil round today who is troubled over wether to buy a 7 bedroom victorian house or a 4 bedroom detached in v.exclusive area..hhmm let me think! to have that choice!

[yingers74]

mmw - as others have said keep busy, go to local groups etc. If the weather is good go to the park. Having a toddler means people with dogs, OAPs and other mums in the park always like to have a little chat. And of course have a little time on mumsnet when you can, it honestly helped me during the lonely times. Are there any other mumnetters in the area that can hook up with you?

[mummytummy]

I know how you feel - my antenatal group after DD1 were all loaded, and spent the whole day talking about where they can get particular designer label clothes from. One woman spent £75 on a pair of shoes for a four month old!!! You may well benefit from being able to introduce your own routines with DD, it may boost your confidence a little. Mumsnet on in the background is probably a good idea. Could you not see another doctor to give you a change of ADs?

[MrsMiaWallace]

the other doctors are in no way helpful, two female doctors at the surgery, told me that i couldnt be on ad's for ever and would have to sort myself out(both have no children). My doctor is male, in his 60's and so symathetic and helpful. he adores dd, he is wonderful with her and although we dont go into everything, will normally go with what i suggest OR give me an alternative to all the usual rubbish they try to palm you off with. so will wait to see him wednesday hopefully.
havent been taking any ad's for last few days and dont feel any different to when i was taking them..rubbish.

[tammybear]

hae you thought of talking to your sister maybe about how you're feeling, or are you not particularly close?

[mummytummy]

Its good when you get on with a doc, but as you say, its a pain when they're away. I suffered with PND after DD1, and couldn't get on with my ADs either, and like you, when I came off them I couln't tell any difference. How much longer is he away for?

[MrsMiaWallace]

we are quite close, but she has her own problems.she also lives too far away for us to see eachother without dp/dh as niether of us can drive yet.
she is also on ad's but (imo) has a much better life than i do as she gets breaks all the time to go shopping pampaer herself, mil looks after dd, dh does most things for dd when he's off and even comes home to feed dd in his lunch break..hes an angel.
so i dont think she could understand what its like for someone who does everything for dd 24/7,not have more money than the local bank and a mil on tap.

[MrsMiaWallace]

hes back on wednesday.
to add to my low self esteem, i have put on over a stone and half since may and although it may not be a result of ad's that i was taking, is certainly becasue they are not working and im'comfort' eating.

[mummytummy]

This poxy weather doesn't help either, does it. Have you booked an appointment already for Wednesday? You will probably find that time will go quite quickly with DP being away during the day. Just take it one day at a time, and if you need a chat, come on here. Is DP nervous about starting again?

[mumwithnoname]

Get out to mums and tots groups- try lots of different one cos some arn't very friendly! but persevere with them and make an effort to get involved.I found that after a while you fall into conversation with mums whose kids are about the same age! Still got friends I met at M&Ts when my dd was little (and she's nearly 17!)

[MrsMiaWallace]

i cant make an appointment till the actual day, so wil have to fight for one.
dp is nervous, though he hasnt said as much..i know him and i know this type of thing is daunting for most of us,but he worked at the same place for almost 18 years, so it will be nerve racking for him.

[tammybear]

hope all goes well for him. make sure you ring the minute they open to get your appointment.

[MrsMiaWallace]

thankyou, i will ring first thing as im desperate to see him.

[mummytummy]

Ahh, we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow .

[MrsMiaWallace]

thankyou.
its just hard to be optimistic at the moment.
i am happy dp is back at work as he is a 'provider' type and it will make him feel better about himself.

[mummytummy]

I know how you feel. It will get better for you. Once DP is back from his first day, things will hopefully seem better, and once you see the doc on Wednesday and have your ads sorted out, you'll feel much better. As for the weight, it will come off. One and a half stones isn't a great deal of weight to try and lose, and there's encouragement here.

[MrsMiaWallace]

its one and a half stones plus another 3 or 4 as ive always struggled with my weight.

just feel more guilty and trapped that i cant 'do' anything to bring any money in even if i could work, i have no family or friends to look after dd, so would have to pay a child minder/nursery, so would still have no money even with help with costs.

[mummytummy]

I know. I was offered a job by my old boss, but with two kiddies, I just can't afford the childcare. Like you, I don't get much help with the children. It is only for a short while though. Once DD is at school (ok, its a long time off now, but you'll be amazed at how quickly it comes round). In the meanwhile, who needs that big victorian house or detached des res?!! How long have you been on ads?

[mummytummy]

The other thing to remember is you are doing a very important job bringing DD up.

[MrsMiaWallace]

for 9 months.
ive been prescribed three different types, first were being withdrawn for suicidal feelings, 2nd made me violently ill, dizzy, sick and these have no effect at all even though i am on higher dose.
dont really want to tell anyone 'how' bad i feel as had bad childhood and took overdose at 16, so dont want them thinking im not a fit mother.

[mummytummy]

Have you received counselling at all? I was on fluoxetine, which didn't help, and I had counselling, and my HV used to come for a chat once a week. Presumably most of your worries stem from your childhood, and if your doctor can get you counselling, it might really help you. I wouldn't have thought they would judge you on what kind of childhood you had, but they would probably realise that it has a great deal to do with how you are feeling now.