How am I going to cope with this? Please help :-/

[HeebieJeebie3]

Long story short, a complex relationship plus lockdown plus living somewhere isolated had meant that I now need to leave the relationship but I'm terrified of living alone - despite the fact that before this relationship I had left home at 17 and lived alone ever since. But the past few years I've been living with him, and during lockdown my MH went crazy.

My problem is pretty specific: I'm not depressed or generally anxious in my life. But I'm really struggling with being alone. It's not the idea of being alone: it's the actual physical reality.

What happens is basically a panic attack that lasts hours and doesnt go away. It starts with a creeping sense of fear, and then I start getting a racing heart, I feel shaky and like I'm tipping over, I feel like I'm about to faint or lose my mind and go crazy, or choke or have a heart attack. I'm sure you all know the feeling well. This only ever happens when I'm alone. It can happen during the day but is at its strongest at night. It never happens when I'm with people.

I'm gutted this has happened to me when I used to be so independent. I know in the long term I will need to get therapy but I'm worried about how I'm going to cope in the short term. I'm moving in a month or two and I can already picture it now, being in a flat on my own in a new place and the fear coming up on me, and I feel sick to my stomach. Living with someone else is not an option.

Can anyone help me get prepared in advance? Last night I stayed at a hotel to see what it felt like sleeping alone after so many years and I felt uneasy but i just about managed - but that's because i knew there were people around me.

Should i try and get some medication in advance? Should i use the time i have before i leave to do a CBT course or something?

I'm so scared but i know i need to do this. I feel pathetic. It's like i feel i need a babysitter or something. Any words of advice for things i can start doing now to prepare would be appreciated xxx

Sounds like a lot to deal with. Could you maybe invite a friend over first few nights ? Or call them/ WhatsApp etc.

Is there something you could do to reply tire your self out so that you will sleep?
Yoga? Reading ? . Try nytol not the herbal one that will help.
Difficult one as you say living with someone is out of the question. Is that due to the bad experience you have had from this relationship?
I sympathise anxiety is the pits x

Chances are you'll feel better the moment you're out of the claustrophobic environment of a 'complex' relationship.

Good point by MoonCup, your anxiety might well be heightened because of your relationship.

On being alone, keep yourself busy, if you feel an attack coming on, put measures in place to minimise or alleviate it. CBT techniques will help. Yoga is my go to, it can take a few minutes for me to get settled, fight off that fear, but after twenty minutes things feel easier, my heart is no longer racing.

explains the physical and chemical reactions to stress/anxiety. Knowing what's happening in your body (and that you are not going mad!) should help.

From a practical point of view, try because it's physically impossible to be stressed and relaxed at the same time.

Would a pet help? Even a small pet that lives in a cage like a bird or hamster. They have a surprisingly big presence for being so little.

My hamster gets up and has her breakfast with me in the morning. We have a whole little routine where she gets up when she hears me boil the kettle and I take my breakfast into the living room and she sits at her bowl and eats with me.

Might be a good way of living alone without actually being alone.

If possible get a cat, mine is fab 10 years of cat bliss, they do care and sensitive to you.
Think carefully tho.
Take care

There is a good sight called the mighty, quite good