What's wrong with me?

[StephaniePink]

Please help! I've had some mental health issues over the last few months, triggered off my some stressful life events. My GP prescribed anti-depressants but they made things worse and I stopped them. Since then I've been trying to manage with self-help. I've seen a psychiatrist who was very reassuring and thought I was getting better. I've been coping ok on most days for the last few weeks.

The problem is there are some times when I am not coping, and today is one of them. I was awake most of the night with an awful feeling which is still with me now in the early afternoon. It is so extreme I can't describe: it's like an intense fear and it goes on for hours and hours. It just seems to come out of nowhere and there's nothing I can do about it. I try to distract myself, I try talking to people, I try exercising - nothing works. I end up just pacing about, trying to control the panic.

When I'm feeling like this I'm sure I must be on the verge of psychosis: it feels so extreme. Or is it just 'normal' anxiety? There are other days on which I feel much more normal. When I saw the psychiatrist it was a 'normal' day so of course he thought I was alright. If he saw me today, he wouldn't.

I've been there. It's terrifying. I do think it's normal anxiety though. It's bad anxiety but still "just" anxiety IYSWIM. It sounds like you're doing all the right things.

Thank you for replying. It really helps to know I'm not alone. Yes, it is terrifying! It's reassuring that you agree it's 'just' anxiety.

Try - progressive muscle relaxation. Practise it regularly when you are feeling normal so that you can remember how to do it when you're feeling anxious.

I had the same thing in the winter, OP. Absolutely crippling. Fluoxetine has helped massively but the first month was dreadful, I felt much worse. Maybe try again with the ADs.? I know how hard it is x

..my GP and counsellor thought my anxiety may have been peri menopausal related.

No caffeine, no alcohol, learn great breathing techniques, headspace app, I did a free course through MIND, did CBT, lay in bed watching Gilmour Girls (bit my thing but so soothing and didn't matter if I fell asleep. Trying to think what else. The biggest thing was removing the stressor. I was also looking for outside things to make it stop, for someone to help me, but I realised only I was in control of me and the diaphragm breathing was brilliant. I had drugs prescribed but didn't take them as I was too anxious! I would have taken them!!

Agree with all of the above

Re the medication- I went through a few until I found a good one when I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago. Can you try another? It really helped me. Take in the morning, whatever you do don't take them just before you go to bed!

Thank you all for your suggestions. You're all so lovely.

Bless you, it really is shit. I remember Googling things like ‘is this a nervous breakdown’? all the time.
It WILL improve.

Did you wean off the meds really slowly and under GP advice? If not that can make things worse.
I had to try several different ones but the right medication can be a literal life saver. I would go back to GP. Good luck OP.

I found jigsaws some help when l had this intense fear. It helped take my mind off it a bit.

Its an anxiety attack. Also known as panic attack.

Take a deep breath, as deep as you can. Hold it for 5 seconds. Release it, breathe all the way out and count to 5 before inhaling again. Repeat 5 times.

Get a drink, something cold and strong tasting. Fizzy if you have it but no alcohol. Coke works well. Drink it slowly but continuously. Aim to finish it within 10 minutes.

Do another 5 rounds of deep breathing as before and this time focus your attention on something.

Talk about it. Out loud. Even if there's no one to talk to, pretend there is. I've had some very in depth conversations with my hamster about what I think will happen next on Supernatural and whether I could get away with a patterned carpet.

Pat your chest. Slowly, time it with a clock, once pat per second or slower. Do it firmly, just below your collarbone.

Those are my best techniques for stopping an anxiety attack that has already started.

Medication helps prevent them but does sweet fuck all once they're in full swing.

I'm sorry, you're all so much trying to be helpful, but once again today I'm in a terrible state. All this advice is good, but most of it is stuff I've already been doing, and it's just not working for me. I don't know why I'm posting really. I do breathing exercises for hours at a time, I talk for hours at a time to whoever will listen - including phoning the Samaritans on a few occasions. I've got some diazepam I can take, but it only seems to take the edge off for a few hours, and then it comes back.

I just want it to go away. I had such a lovely life before. Now I'm in such a dark place. I can see my husband and children looking so worried about me, trying to do anything they can to help. I don't know why I'm like this. I want it to stop.

And sometimes it goes away and I think 'What was all that about?' It's so random. It feels like just chemicals in my brain, and I have no control over them.

OCD and Anxiety Disorders: Crash Course Psychology #29

Schizophrenia and Dissociative Disorders: Crash Course Psychology #32

There’s a couple of videos you might be able to identify with (and there are others within the Crash Course series so - if you like Hank Green’s style - have a browse through). In the short term you need to go back to your GP as soon as possible or, if there’s an emergency then A&E.

Have you tried exercise? Just run round the block until your legs go wobbly and you can barely breath. Burns off the adrenaline.

What are/we're the stressful life events?

Love, you’re ill and you need medicine. Please speak to your doctor and have another try at ADs.
Fluoxetine actually isn’t the best choice for anxiety as it’s a stimulating AD - I should really have had one of the more ‘sedating’ ADs. It was hell for a few weeks but ultimately killed the anxiety and gave me my life back.
Please at least consider it x.

Thank you all. In answer to the questions ... Yes, I force myself to run every day, which does seem to help. Not sure I'll have the energy today though. The main stressful life event was a physical illness - not anything life-threatening but I ended up having to stop work for several months and have not yet gone back. I'm still suffering the effects of it every day and although it has now been diagnosed and I'm having treatment, I don't know what the outcome will be.

One thing I'm really upset by is that my GP convinced me that all my symptoms were caused by anxiety, when in fact there is a very definite physical condition which has now been identified. (I paid to see a private consultant - my GP didn't refer me.) As a result I ended up struggling on for months, thinking that it was all in my head - and this was why I took the anti-depressants. Before I took them I would say I was stressed by the situation but not 'anxious' in the way I am now. I think the drugs upset my brain chemistry.

Having said this, I may have no choice but to go back to the GP and see what else I can try.

Actually writing the above makes me think that actually, given what's happened to me, it's not surprising that I'm really upset and stressed.

Yes and I think it really helps to realise that you went through trauma and were tipped over the edge of what a human being should be expected to endure. You are not going mad. I would give your GP a call tomorrow for an emergency appointment and ask for sertraline. Can you access specialised counselling? Can you pay private? You're experiencing hypervigilance, I would say. It's exhausting and terrifying but you will get through it.

Could this be related to peri-menopause? Anxiety/increased anxiety is a main symptom of it for many women, it certainly was for me. I was nearly incapacitated with crushing anxiety that I had never had before. It was horrible. HRT is an absolute lifesaver.

Completely agree.

@StephaniePink - how are you doing? Did you speak to your GP?

I'm much better today thank you. Yesterday was just a really bad day. Thank you for all your support.